***

I watched my blood leak from my arms. I wished it would come faster and heavier, I would die quicker if that happened. The aching pain of Yoongi being gone still present, I cried heavier and cut myself more on my hips. My body was now stained in my blood, but I didn't feel tired or sleepy. I felt more awake and aware, which made me cut more. I didn't wanna be awake, I certainly didn't want to be aware.

***

My eyes opened to stare at Yoongi's pale cream colored ceiling. The ceiling fan whirling and making a soft breeze. I sighed softly. It was only a dream..I sat up slowly from the bed, Yoongi still asleep on my right. I stood from the bed and made my way to the bathroom. I walked in and saw myself in the mirror, my long black hair was all tangled and matted from sweat, my lips pink and puffy, my collarbone was covered in purple splotches.

My eyes went down to my arms and legs. I looked away in shame. Yoongi shouldn't love a girl with scars...I teared up a little and closed my eyes. I felt the tear fall on my foot and splatter.

"Mhmm...Chae? Come back, the beds cold!" Yoongi whined from the bedroom. I cleaned away my tears and returned to him. He was laying on his back with his hands behind his head. I smiled softly at him.

"Hey.." I climbed back into the bed. He hugged my waist and nuzzled his face in my neck with a deep breath.

"You smell like me" He chuckled lowly.

"Probably because I've been in your bed for hours" I laughed lightly. He smiled against my neck, he kissed it gently before pulling away. He climbed out of the bed and put his clothes back on, I climbed out of the bed.

"What you hungry for? I'm gonna buy take out" He said as he fixed his hair and put a beanie on. I shrugged and walked over to his closet and put on some of his sweats and a t-shirt. He smiled at me and looked at me up and down.

"What?" I looked at myself. The clothes looked huge against my tiny frail body.

"You look nice in my clothes" He pecked my lips before walking out of the room. I smiled and tightened the sweat pants before walking out of the room. Yoongi was sitting on the couch on the phone ordering food. I didn't quite hear but I think he ordered some soup or whatever. I quietly went into the kitchen and looked through the fridge. I grabbed myself a soda, a gentle slap hit the right side of my butt. I yelped and jumped away. Yoongi was smirking at me. I blushed brightly and shut the fridge before going into the living room and sitting on the couch.

Yoongi shuffled around in the kitchen a bit. I stared at the soda can, light shined off of it. My eyes trailed their way back to my exposed forearms. I tried to look away but I couldn't. I remembered every time I cut into my skin. I remember the pain, the blood, the tears, the aching pain in my chest. Usually every time I cut, Yoongi was on my mind the whole time. He never left no matter how much i begged my mind to forget. He was on my mind 24/7. I closed my eyes and stood from the couch. I quietly slipped back into Yoongi's room. I quickly threw my uniform back on and left quietly.

I'm sorry Yoongi...I texted him before walking home.

***

I stared down at the small piece of metal in my fingers. So sleek and sharp, begging to be dragged through any surface on my body. The light shined off of it and made it look more demeaning. My phone repeatedly buzzed next to me, Yoongi's name flashed on the screen. I sighed and locked it before looking back at the razor. My phone kept buzzing next to me. I stared at the razor. I promised myself...no more. But I feel so weak and tired, I don't wanna be weak and tired. I fiddled with the razor in my fingers.

I shook my head fiercely and chucked the razor aside before crying into my hands. I didn't like the way I was, I hated my scars, I hated my face. I hated myself. Yoongi was the only person who gave me some sort of confidence, ever. I was grateful to have him, and look; I'm shoving him away because my own personal problems when he only wants to help. I picked up my phone and called Yoongi, he picked up almost immediately.

"Chae, did you do anything to yourself?" He asked quickly, car honks came from the background.

"No..and drive normally please. You could get hurt" I said softly

"I'm driving fine, its the other people- MOVE YOUR ASS! Sorry.." Yoongi sighed soflty.

"Are you coming over?"

"Yes, I'm almost there"

"Can we cuddle when you get here? Please?" I hugged my knees. More honks erupted from the bac ground of Yoongi's phone.

"Of course we can. I'll be there in five"

"Okay..bye" I hung up and went to my bedroom. I changed into pajamas and waited for Yoongi.

Yoongi came exactly five minutes later and practically ran into my arms. I hugged him tightly and breathe din his cologne. I sighed in relief and pulled him down onto the bed and cuddled close to him. He played with my hair as we laid there, I think we just laid in silence for almost 30 minutes before I started falling asleep.

"I love you Chae. So much, don't ever forget it" He whispered into my ear. That was the last thing I head before I fell asleep, and it all went black.