Loneliness; Sadness because one has no friends or company.

 The quality of being unfrequented and remote; isolation.

According to the dictionary. 

It doesn't say anything about being lonely when there's people around you. When you just sit there, quietly, keeping to yourself as everyone else is talking or laughing. You don't know what it is, but you just feel alone. Like you're trapped behind your own walls that you put up and you can't break them down. But you don't wanna break them down, because secretly, you like being alone. There's no one to hurt you or make you sad. Just you and your own thoughts. 

Quiet; making little or no noise 

  carried out discreetly, secretly, or with moderation.

People can be quiet, but minds won't always be..

***

I sat quietly on the ground, running my fingers through the small, fine, thin blades of grass. The blades of grass tickled my fingers as I ran my hand over it. A small sigh slipped past my lips as I put my hand back into my lap. The wind started to pick up, tossing my hair around a little bit. I pushed my hair back and tucked it behind my ears. 

I fiddled my fingers lightly as I sat there, in solitude. It had stopped raining, so I was taking advantage and sitting out in my yard. There were still some clouds in the sky, they were rolling across the sky quickly. I looked around at the houses in my neighborhood. Everyone was quiet, no kids were outside playing.  Everything was quiet. 

Just like me. 

I continued to look around the neighborhood, not really looking for anything in particular, just observing. I looked back down at my hands and let out a soft sigh. 

I feel lonely, but I've made myself acquainted with the quiet. It no longer makes me sad. 

Loneliness is something I felt more often now, I knew that it was no longer there to try and make me sad. It was there to let me think. You don't have time to think often, most times your decisions are quick and in the moment. Times like this you can just sit, be quiet, and think. Quiet can be a friend, or an enemy. 

Quiet was no longer my enemy, I made peace with quiet a long time ago. I am never alone, because loneliness is always with me. Loneliness is my new friend. 

~~~ 

It was 3 am when Yoongi got back. I was laying in bed, just about to fall asleep. I frowned lightly and sat up when I heard the door open up. He was just walking in, and shutting the door behind him. He looked pale and sickly looking,again, making me frown lightly. 

"Yoongi..what happened to you?" I whispered lightly. He looked over at me, his eyes were glazed over and glassy looking, like a porcelain doll. I got up from the bed and went over to him, grabbing his hand gently. His hand felt extremely cold. 

"I'm fine.." Yoongi said blankly and pulled away. His voice was croaky and hoarse. He went over by the closet and kicked off his shoes before crawling into the bed. 

"Yoongi. No" I said firmly and pulled him up by his sweater. Yoongi sighed and looked at me with his tired eyes. He pulled my hands off of his sweater gently. 

"Why are you always gone? And whenever you're back, you always look like you're on deaths doorstep. Now tell me whats going on and why it's going on" I crossed my arms and looked down at him. He sighed again and sat up completely on the bed, rubbing his eyes with a tired yawn. 

"I've been working, that's all. I got a job and the hours are all screwy and fucked up. That's all. You don't see me during the day cause you're at school, and I'm here asleep. Then when you get here I leave for work. That's why you barely see me" Yoongi sighed as he explained, for some reason I wasn't buying this story from him. 

I shook my head and sighed as I laid back down onto the bed. I felt Yoongi lay back down onto the bed behind me. He slipped his arms around my waist from behind, even behind his sweater I could still feel the coldness of his body. I hugged a pillow and nuzzled my face into it with a sigh. 

Cold. That's all I felt, only the cold. Even with a blanket over us both, I only felt the coldness of his body. It spread throughout my body, creating a coldness to form within as well. I shivered lightly and hugged my pillow closer. 

This boy, behind me, holding me close. 

Didn't feel like a person I knew. He felt empty and cold, not full and happy like the Yoongi I know. He seemed lost, and empty. Like he was an empty shell, just walking around, not knowing what to do. 

He didn't seem like himself..

Like he's lost..inside his own head..