Empathy-or understanding the thoughts and feelings of the people around us is one of the most important and most trying parts of being social creatures. But what exactly is empathy? And crucially, can we have more?

Why is empathy so important? Some of the reasons are more obvious: " It inspires us to help family members, friends, and strangers," says Dr.Zaki. " It helps us see past differences and allows us to see others who are of a different race or a generation or ideology from our own, without the lens of stereotyping, prejudice or bias".

But he also believes it's not just others that benefits from empathy-so do the person feeling it. " People who experience empathy also tend to be less stressed and depressed, more satisfied with their lives, happier in their relationships, and more successful at work," he says.

Dr. Zaki distinguishes between three types of empathy: cognitive empathy, emotional empathy, and empathic concern or compassion. To unpack these types, imagine that you're having lunch with a friend when they get a phone call. You don't know who they're talking to, but at some point, your friend starts to cry.

" As you see your friend break down, you might start to feel lousy yourself," Dr.Zaki says. " Taking on their feelings-which we'd call emotional empathy- is that vicarious sharing of what someone else is going through. You also might try to figure out what they're feeling and why, and that's what we'd call cognitive empathy. And if you're a good friend, you probably care about what they're going and wish for them to feel better, and we'd call that empathic concern or compassion."

Of course, empathy is not always possible nor is it always the wisest response. Dr.Zaki is quick to point out that we do not owe anyone our empathy. if you find yourself unable to empathize with a person or people who actively seek to destroy or disparage the group you're in, for example, it's not a failure. He says, too, that " empathy can sometimes give us tunnel vision, in wanting to help some people over others." The empathy you have for a good friend may convince you that they should be allowed to jump the line for a COVID vaccine ahead of someone who needs it more.

Still, Dr.Zaki believes that we all have a responsibility to cultivate empathy in " the same way that we try to take care of our bodies or our mental health," he explains. " I think of building empathy as a way to take care of our social health." Through his introductory seminar at Standford on empathy ( and from where the below exercises are from ) and in his book. In the War for Kindness: Building Empathy in a Fractured World, he helps people train to become more empathetic.

Here, he lays out five exercises to help build you empathy: