Archetype Jones bursts into the office and goes, "What if we made a cavemen archetype? And then made it do the mega death against Thunder of Ruler"

And then Konami of America goes "Yes" and gives him the sickest head since the french made the big falling knife

---

Blazing Vortex was release February 2021 in the land of guns and not wearing a mask to protect your freedom, this set introduced the War Rocks, a set of cards that die to a trap made before me and you were born, notable cards in this set include some shit from the current lore, some giga Chazz reference, S-Force Pla-Tina and a card who would contribute to cucking Lyralusc players one year later like they're names are Minoru, called Tri-Brigade Kitt.

People tend to say War Rocks are super shit because lol battle phase, what is this, 2000 playground format?

But what they tend to forget is these most of these cavemen and cavewomen who I want to kill me by Snu Snu is that they're level four Warriors, meaning you can do some fairly limited dumb shit, like going into the Lightning.

In the first ever episode of the Dumb-Dumb's Handbook, a completly original series not based on the Idiot's Guide by your typical brit citzen of th Idiot's Guide by a Generaider fan, I'll go over a War Rock list I got from the most important Yugioh event around and tell you how to combo with that shit.

The year was probably last year, and a new Table 500 video dropped, one where the normal summon Andy guy looked extra sus in the thumbnail, and in said video, some madlad did some shit with War Rocks. This morning, in my half-asleep and half-dreading the start of Odysseus' banner tomorrow, I saw that and I thought "I can probably half-ass that list, thats how I made the firat Infernities deck" while ignoring that the Infernity list was at the end of the video and that I spent time trying to guess what cards were in the deck without a reason.

People say War Rocks don't have any plays, but what those Farfa viewers don't want you to know is that you can do alot by reading the tiny letters in the cardboard, so today, I'll tech you the one combo that this deck does and nothing else.

Why only one combo?

B-because this is War Rocks, what is there to combo besides this one specific thing I half-assedly netdecked from a Table 500 video :wut:

Let's start with the deck, and then I'll explain why those cards are there and what you could replace them for.

Main Deck:
[War Rock Monsters]
1x War Rock Bashileos
2x War Rock Meteoragon
1x War Rock Skyler
1x War Rock Mammud
3x War Rock Gactus
1x War Rock Wento
3x War Rock Fortia

[The Soft Garnet Crew]
1x Mecha Phantom Beast Coltwing
1x Secret Six Samurai - Genba
1x Deskbot 001

[No Button]
2x Ash Blossom

[War Rock Backrow]
3x War Rock Mountain
3x War Rock Dignity
3x War Rock Medium
1x Terraforming
1x Reinforcements of the Army
3x Pot of Prosperity

[The Soft Garnet Backrow]
2x Divine Sword - Phoenix Blade
3x Living Fossil
1x United We Stand

[Generic Good Stuff]
1x Called by the Grave
2x Infinite Impermanace

Extra Deck:
[Fusion]
1x Trishula, The Dragon of Icy Imprisoment

[Synchro]
1x Infernoble Knight Emperor Charles
1x Power Tool Dragon
1x Accel Synchron
1x Underworld Fighter Balmung
1x Herald of the Arc Light

[Xyz]
1x Phantom Fortress Enterblathnir

[Link]
1x Accesscode Talker
1x Knightmare Unicorn
1x Mecha Phantom Beast Auroradon
1x Knightmare Phoenix
2x Isolde, Two Tales of the Noble Knights
1x Crystron Halqifibrax
1x I:P Masquerena

Side deck? What the hell is that?

Why yes, Enterblat and Arc Light are the goals.

Ok let's go over the War Rock monsters.

I'm running two Bashileos and one Meteoragon, but frankly, you can run any mix of them, depends on what you value more between Bashi's direct attack and higher base and Meteo's double attack and effect negation. Both are good in a beatdown, but honestly you can also not run any of them since only Gactus and Fortia are needed in the combo. It's up to personal reference. I run two Meteo's since I like the double attack more than the direct attack, but you can do whatever you want. You can run two Bashi's to throw Draglub and Numeron Dragon into the extra deck if you want but careful because lol Mountain says different names.

One Skyler and one Mammud for utility (rich concept coming from a battle phase deck) and because you need at least one level 5-6 for the turn after the combo, we'll get there when we get there. Skyler's revival is cool for swarming and Mammud is a cool backrow pop, but you can honestly swap one of them, preferably Mammud, for Orpis since he has a mill effect to mill revivers like Bashi and is a whole 100 attack and defense bigger than Mamud.

One Wento because sometimes you need that 800 to run over something, I guess.

Now for the money makers. Three Fortia and three Gactus. gactus has two effects but being able to shit out himself when your normal summon is what he's here for, he's part of your two card combo into dumb shit. Fortia is your normal summon target and has a neat tutor effect that also buffs the field for that sick turn 2 beatdown. Should shit go wrong and you for some reason open Gactus and Mammud/Orfis and have no way to get Fortia, then bless our overlords at Konami of America that they give these fuckers a free normal summon effect.

Also yes, alot of these cards have revival effects, but they don't matter unless your goal is to make a brit question what's happening while he's trying his new 60 Good X deck on a saturday afternoon in the superior GMT time zone.

Fun fact, if you drop DNA Surgery on the field and declare Machine, you get a surprising synergy with Gizmeks because War Rocks also have the same attack and defense. You lose on most of the War Rock portion of the deck but these are War Rocks so who cares besides me.

Now to the soft Garnets. These three are your playmakers for the combo, and should you draw into either Genba or Coltwing, you might aswell forget the combo and do normal cave painting shit. Only 001 is acceptable to draw since Halq can special summon from the hand. Their usage is to allow for what I shall now dub as the Blyat Light board. You summon Genbda off Isolde, 001 off Halq and then Coltwing off Auroradon. Their usage will be explained more in the combo.

Two Ashes because lol it's 2022 and the normal War Rock that served as the canvas for this ran two. Don't ask me, ask the guy who I netdecked from.

Now onto the spells and traps.

I slapped RotA, Terraforming and Prosperity into the War Rock Backrow section because they're what you use to get your Fortia and Gactus. All together, Mountain, Medium, Terraforming and RotA are "eight" extra copies of the combo makers, you use them to grab what you need.

Prosperity is very optional but we don't have better Pots. We need specific main deck cards so Desires is a no go and we cant afford Extravagance because the extra deck part of this combo is ten cards to make you feel like a Mayakashi player. Banish three for Prosperity, and if you don't hit what you need, then just scrap the plan.

Medium is three extra copies of Mountain, and when you don't need Mountain, you use it to set Dignity, because you need to have very little dignity to play this jank.

Dignity is a shittier but tutorable Imperm and nothing else. You can use it from hand during the battle phase in case the opponent drops that sick Magic Cylinder, but be realistic, you're better off setting it and using it to negate some shit. You do need to control a War Rock monsters for it, which won't happen during turn 1 if you pull the combo off.

The second set of soft garnets are for the combo. Two Phoenix Blade because Isolde doesn't mill shit with the same name, three Living Fossil that you pray to god you don't draw into in your opening hand, and one United We Stand because it's funny. What better way to make a big War Rock than by uniting them to stand against some shit, probably stand against NTR.

Called By because this dies to Ash, Veiler and Ghost Ogre and two Imperms because if the opponent plays the game, we die.

Now for the extra deck.

Trish is Blyat material and nothing else.

Charles is there to pop the Balmung and be Blyat material.

Power Tool is an essential piece because you need to grab that Living Fossil.

Accel Synchro makes Charles with Coltwing and nothing else.

Balmung's job is to die.

Arc Light because we can make that and hey cuck those dirty Lyralusc-ruining Tri players.

Blyat because the hand rip is the only reason he's here.

One Auroradon because he makes the combo.

One Halq because this deck has at least two tuners.

Two Isolde because guess what you need her, though you can cut one Isolde if you want. You only really need one Isolde so yeeting the other one for Prosperity is fine.

Accesscode, Unicorn, Phoenix and Masq are here but they can be replaced with four vanilla 99 fusions for all I care. These are your only flex spots in the entire extra deck and the shit you kiss goodbye for Prosperity.

My suggestions for the deck is to cut the combo shit and the equips for other shit you want, maybe cards that don't take eight extra deck slots to make two cards. With that out of the way, let's move to the combo.

Now look, unlike the 60 Good Decks that run at least three organs from other archetypes, this deck only has three possible openers for the combo.

A) You open Fortia and Gactus
B) You open either Fortia or Gactus and a way to grab the other
C) Nexus draws you your one Mammud and you either draw Gactus or a way to grab him

Assuming this happens, this is what you do, assuming you're going first. If you're going second, go make some cave paintings and don't do any of this.

Step 1: Get your two pieces, either by drawing into them or using the cards to get them, yes this is an essential step 1, I'm trying to make War Rocks work
Step 2: Normal summon Fortia (or Mammud because lol Nexus), special summon Gactus from hand
Step 3: Link into Isolde, Isolde grab a Warrior
Step 4: Proc Isolde, mill preferably one Phoenix Blade and United We Stand to special summon Genba
Step 5: Link Genba and Isolde into Halq, Halq special summon 001
Step 6: Link 001 and Halq into Auroradon, make three tokens, revive 001
Step 7: Tune 001 with two tokens to make Power Tool Dragon
Step 8: Proc Power Tool, reveal as many Living Fossils as your opening hand allows you for, add one to hand if you revealed three or pray that you add one if you didn't.
Step 9: If you added Living Fossil, proc Auroradon to kill the last token and Power Tool to special summon Coltwing from deck, make two tokens and revive 001. If you didn't add Living Fossil, cope, seethe, mald, cry about it and figure this shit out yourself
Step 10: Tune 001 with one token for Balmug
Step 11: Use Living Fossil and revive Genba
Step 12: Tune Genba and a token into Accel Synchron
Step 13: Tune Accel Synchron and a token for Charles
Step 14: Have Phoenix Blade in hand, either by using its grave effect of getting cucked by Nexus
Step 15: Equip Phoenix Blade to Balmug
Step 16: Proc Charles to kill Balmug
Step 17: Proc Balmug to revive Coltwing, get two tokens and 001
Step 18: Tune 001 and a token into Arc Light
Step 19: Banish Coltwing, Auroradon and the last token for Trish
Step 20: Overlay Charles and trish into Blyat
Step 21: Blyat hand rip
Extra Step 22: Use Phoenix blade if you want

With this, we have accomplished a hand rip with Blyat, and a Dimensional Fissure and a negate with Arc Light. Being a Dimensional Fissure means your opponent either gets cucked should they play a deck that needs the grave or waste resources outing this, most likely with a Kaiju.

Now here's the fun part about turn 2.

Your opponent is gonna out Blyat Light, you need to pray you don't get OTK'd.

But if for some reason, they only yeet Arc Light and not Blyat, this is where your Skyler and Mammud come into play.

Mountain won't work with Blyat on the field, so you just your consistency spells to grab a level 5-6 and tribute summon them, thus unlocking Mountain's effect. See? Ezpz

Hell it's even good if they blow up Blyat and Light, it means Mountain gets to work without you wasting your normal summon on a dumb tribute summon.

Also, if for some ungodly reason, you start your turn with Blyat and Light still on the field, you'll want to tribute summon Bashi or Meteoragon over them. You can add them to your hand through the consistency spells. Then you smack your opponent for not outing a 1000 defense monster and a Xyz that has no protection.

Turn 2 and forward is basically just beatdown with the power of hunting bisons and smacking two rocks together until they make the hot orange light that hurts when you touch it.

So what's the thing to take from this guide?

Playing War Rocks is like sitting through the seven stages of grief in a constant state of pure malding, go play a better deck.

Here's a cute picture of Marin so that these fifteen minutes you spent reading don't feel like a waste.