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1-WHY DIDN'T YOU REFUSE IT?

After the Football match, a player went home with a sorrowful face.

His surprised wife asked:

- Why are you so sad? What's the matter? He answered sadly:

- Today I got a Yellow card.

- So, did you want to get it?

- Of course not. The wife was upset:

- If you didn't want to get it why didn't you refuse it? But you did accept it, so now you are sad.

2- HE IS HAVING TANTRUMS AGAIN

A player was slightly bumped by a member of the opposing team. The player turned round and round with a pained look on his face. His mother, watching the game, laughed and said to the player's wife:

- You see, your husband is having one of his tantrums again, just the same as when he was young. I understand his temper

3- TRADING BALLS UNLAWFUL

After reading an article about a case of buying and selling football bets in a "Football" Newspaper, a little girl asked her friend:

- They say there is a group of people arrested because they buy and sell Football bets. What does "buying and selling Football bets" mean?

- Ah... Uh... Maybe it means they trade the balls illegally.

A woman hugging a small child step on the bus. Seeing the child, driving big scream, "Chu cha! This is probably the worst child that I see. The woman is very frustrating, go straight to the last instant the car to sit down and distributed to passengers seated next hearing: "My father driving very rude, insulting me ...". He said passengers seemed associated concurred: "It's not how all, she give me the monkey vagina this up but yelled at him a battle.

Một phụ nữ ôm đứa con nhỏ bước lên xe buýt. Thấy đứa trẻ, lái xe hét lớn: “Chu cha! Đây có lẽ là đứa trẻ xấu nhất mà tôi nhìn thấy”. Người phụ nữ rất bực mình, liền đi thẳng đến cuối xe ngồi xuống và phân trần với hành khách ngồi cạnh: “Cha lái xe thật thô lỗ, xúc phạm tôi...”. Ông hành khách liền nói vẻ đồng tình: “Thật chẳng ra sao cả, chị đưa tôi ẵm hộ cái con khỉ này, lên mà mắng cho anh ta một trận”.

To-ny jack and golf are on the course. Jack is preparing the polishing saw a funeral across the yard, instant run, throw the racquet to the ground, remove the hat, bow eyes dim lim pray. To-ny that is so very emotionally and said: "This is probably the job I feel the most ... and noble one that I met. Instant Answers dry jack Province: "Oh, finally I was married and she is up to 35 years ...".

Giắc và Tô-ny đang đánh gôn trên sân. Giắc đang chuẩn bị đánh bóng thì thấy một đám tang bên kia sân, liền chạy lại, vứt vợt xuống đất, bỏ mũ, lim dim đôi mắt cúi đầu cầu khấn. Tô-ny thấy vậy thì rất cảm động mà rằng: “Đây có lẽ là sự việc làm tôi cảm động nhất... và cao thượng nhất mà tôi gặp”. Giắc liền trả lời tỉnh khô: “Ồ, cuối cùng thì tôi và nàng cũng lấy nhau được tới 35 năm...”.

Was brought up in the space of the first American space agency, they discovered a ball pen do not have gravity should not be used. To solve this problem, the U.S. scientists had to use up to 10 years, the expense to $ 12 billion order to bring the ball pen is used to improve the conditions of no gravity. While the Russians used pencils instead of consecutive pen ball and still get the same effect.

Trong lần đưa người lên vũ trụ lần đầu của cơ quan vũ trụ Mỹ, họ đã phát hiện chiếc bút bi do không có trọng lực nên không dùng được. Để giải quyết vấn đề này, các nhà khoa học Mỹ đã phải dùng tới 10 năm, tốn kém tới 12 tỷ USD để cho ra đời chiếc bút bi cải tiến dùng được trong điều kiện không có trọng lực. Trong khi đó người Nga liền dùng bút chì thay cho bút bi mà vẫn có được hiệu quả tương tự.

7- Two university student talked. The first one said:"Next Sunday will be my lover's birthday but I don't have any money.How can I buy a gift for her? Please lend me some money."

"I don't have any money. But I have a trick to help you."

"What is that trick?"

"I'll write a letter to my parent. I'll write that you are sick and you have no money for breakfast and lunch. You only have dinner with a loaf of bread while you have to study very hard. My house is next to your house. After my mom read this letter, she will come to your house and hand it to your mother. I'm sure that your mother will send to you 500.000VND at least."

8- Let them quit the game early!

A wife was telling her "Football Referee" husband:

- Dear! There is an anniversary of death in my parents family. You'll prepare to go there with me, won't you?

- Alas! I can't go, because this afternoon I have to work as a referee for the Championship Cup Competition Football Match. You'll have to go alone!

- That's unacceptable! It's my Great Grandma. If you don't come, my relatives will insult me.

- So, when will the anniversary begin? -At 5:00pm.

- Alas! The match will finish at 5:15pm

- My God! What a strange man you are! Just tell the players you want them to quit playing a bit early. You are the referee: Whatever ruling you make, the players

have to obey.

:069::069:

Họ cho nghỉ đá sớm đi

Bà vợ bảo chồng (là trọng tài bóng đá ):

- Ông à ! Chiều nay có đám giỗ bên ông ngoại, ông lo chuẩn bị sang bên ấy với tôi nhé!

ấy chết ! Đi thế nào được ! Vì chiều nay tôi làm trọng tài chính cho trận tranh cúp vô địch. - Thôi bà đi một mình vậy !

- Không được ! Đám giỗ bà cụ cố tôi mà ông không đi để họ hàng nhà tôi họ chửi cho à ?

Thế đám giỗ bắt đầu lúc mấy giờ ?

- 5 giờ chiều

- ối ! 5 giờ 15 trận đấu mới xong

- ối giời ơi , cái ông này ! Thì ông cho các cầu thủ họ nghỉ sớm một tý đã sao nào ! Ông là trọng tài thì bảo gì mà họ chả nghe !:24h_063:

9- Misunderstanding

The young wife moved by her football player husband, said:

-Last night you held my head in your hands and fondled me. I didn't know that you were so much in love with me that you think of me even while you sleep.

The player was surprised.

- Oh, was that your head? I was dreaming and was surprised that my ball had suddenly grown such long hair.

:048:

Hiểu lầm

Cô vợ trẻ cảm động nói với chồng (là cầu thủ bóng đá ):

-Đêm qua anh cứ ôm lấy đầu em mavuốt ve âu yếm .Thật tình em không ngờ anh lại yêu em đến mức trong lúc ngủ say như thế mà vẫn nhớ đến em .

Chàng cầu thủ ngạc nhiên :

- Ồ thì ra là đầu của em hả ? Thảo nàotrong lúc mơ, anh cứ ngạc nhiên : làm sao mà quà bóng của mình bỗng dưng lại mọc tóc ra dài thế !:b080:

10- He is my future brother- in- law

The Referee of a loosing Football team was seriously criticizing a player.

- Why, when you were face to face with the Goalkeeper and only eleven meters from the goal, didn't you shoot straight intotheopp osingteam'sgoal? Everyone could see that you

deliberately kicked the ball out.

-Yeah!... Please sympathize with me because that team's Goalkeeper is my future brother- in- law.

:070:

Anh ta là anh vợ tương lai của tôi

Huấn luyện viên của đội bóng bị thua nghiêm khắc phê bình một cầu thủ

- Tại sao khi đối mặt với thủ môn ở cự ly chỉ có 11m màanh không sút thẳng vào cầu môn đối phương ?Ai cũngthấy rõ là anh cố tình đá bóng ra ngoài !

- Dạ ... Anh thông cảm ! Bởi vì anh chàng thủ môn của độikia là...anh vợ tươnng lai của tôi ạ ! :060:

11-You've already beaten me 1 to 0

The old man was giving an inspirational talk to his future son- in- law, who was a football player.

-If you score a goal in this match, I'll make immediate arrangements for you and my daughter to get married.

-Uh...Uh,I"mafraidyou'llhavetomakethose arrangements even if I can't score a goal.

-Why?

-Uh... Because... your daughter is already preparing to make a little football player.

The old man was utterly exhausted.

-My God! Then you are not beginning to play but you've already beaten me 1 to 0!

:059:

Anh đã thắng tôi 1-0 rồi

Ông già hào hứng tuyên bố với chàng rể tương lai (là cầu thủ bóng đá ):

- Trong trận này nếu anh mà đá được quả nào vào lưới đội kia , tôi sẽ làm đám cưới cho anh và con gái tôi ngay lập tức !:016:

- à...ơ...Con sợ rằng ngay cả khi con không ghi được quả nào bác cũng phải làm đám cưới cho chúng con gấp đấy ạ!

- Sao?

- Dạ... bởi vì ...con gái bác sắp có cầu thủ tí hon đấy ạ!

Ông già rụng rời rên rỉ:

-Giời ơi ! Thế là chưa vào trận , anh đã thắng tôi 1-0 rồi đấy:005:

--^-^--

12- Let your father replace you to play

A mother was talking to her football player son

-My son, my friend will bring her daughter to visit our family this afternoon and you can see her. Remember to stay home.

The young man was unwilling:

-Aw, mom, this afternoon I have to go to play football. So how can I stay home?

- No one will die if you beg for a little time off.

-I just can't, mom.This afternoon's match is very important. I have to attend it at any cost.

-Ah! So, you'll stay home and I'll tell your dad to go to replace you. Is that OK?

Để ba con đá thay cho:070:

Bà mẹ bảo con trai (là cầu thủ bóng đá)

- Con à ! Chiều nay có bà bạn của mẹ dẫn con gái bà ấy sang nhà ta chơi cho con coi mắt. Con nhớ ở nhà nhé !

Chàng trai nhăn nhó :

- Trời ! chiều nay con phải đi thi đấubóng đá rồi , ở nhà làm sao được ?

- Thì con xin nghỉ một bữa đi , có chết ai đâu !

- Không được mẹ ơi ! Trận cầu chiều nay rất quan trọng ; bằng giá nào con cũng phải đi

- à, hay là con cứ ở nhà đi , để mẹ bảo ba con đi đá thay cho là được chứ gì ?

:020::020::020::020::020:

13- I'll ask them to change to a different card color

When her young son came home from a football match with a sad face, the mother asked:

- Why are you so sad?

-I was offered a "yellow" card by the referee, Mom.

-Don't you like a yellow card? So, what color would you like? Tell me and I'll go to meet the referee and beg him to offer you a card with a different color.

Để mẹ xin đổi cho con thẻ màu khác nhé:023:

Thấy cậu con trai đi thi đấu tranh cúp bóng đá thiếu niên về mặt buồn thiu , bà mẹ hỏi :

- Sao con buồn thế ?

- Con bị trọng tài “tặng” một thẻ vàng mẹ ạ !

- Con không thích thẻ vàng à ! Thế con thích thẻ màu gì để mẹ đi gặp ông trọng tài , mẹ xin đổi cho con thẻ màu khác nhé ?

14- I'll never go to watch a football game again!

A football supporter told her husband:

- I'll never come to see another football game again.

- Why? Do you think they played badly?

- No! I agree that the game was interesting, but then I saw that scene at the end of the match when some of the losing team were so sad and the others were crying. It was so "cold blooded" when the members of the winning team were dancing and singing with animation. How could they be so happy when others were suffering so much?

Em sẽ không bao giờ đi xem bóng đá nữa

Một nữ cổ động viên bảo chồng :

- Em sẽkhông bao giờ đi xem bóng đá nữa !

- Sao thế ? Họ đá không hay à ?

- Công nhận là có hay ; nhưng em thấy có cảnh tượng lúc kết thúc trận đấu sao mà tàn nhẫn quá . Bên thua thì kẻ buồn bã chán nản , người thì khóc . Còn bên thắng thì hò

reo , mùa hát tưng bừng .Làm sao mà họ lại có thể vui mừng trên nỗi đau khổ của người khác được như thế cơ chứ ?:005:

15- Wear a neckerchief ... to play football

Before a son had to go far away for a competition football match, his mother advised him.

- It is very cold there so you must dress warmly or you will catch a cold. Here, I've already prepared a sweater, some stockings and a neckerchief for you. Her son grumbled.

- Alas, mom, it's a waste of time to bring them because we have to take off everything except our "T" Shirts and Shorts when we play. They determine that.

-Well, if they won't permit you to wear trousers and a sweater, then please ask them to let you wear a neckerchief so your neck will be warm or you'll catch a sore throat. That would be bad.

:060::060:

Quàng khăn ... chơi bóng đá

Trước khi con trai phải đi xa thi đấu bóng đá , bà mẹ dặn dò :

- Ở ngoài đó lạnh lắm , con nhớ phải giữ gìn sức khoẻ kẻo bị cảm lạnh . Đây mẹ đã chuận bị khăn vớ , áo ấm cho con rồi đấy !

Anh chàng cầu thủ càu nhàu :

- ôi,mẹ ơi ! Mang những thứ đó đi làm gì cho phí công , vì lúc thi đấu tụi con phải cởi tuốt ra , chỉ mặc áo thun ngắn tay với lại quần sooc thôi . Người ta quy định như thế mà !

- Thôi ! Nếu họ không cho mặc quần dài , áo ấm thì cũng xin phép họ cho quàng cái khăn vào cho ấm cổ , kẻo rồi lại viên họng đấy con ạ

16- Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lack he said to his wife.

“Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it.”

So she drove the boat to shore.

Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him,

“Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I’m having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash dishes.”

Mặc dầu đôi vợ chồng đó rất thích đi trên chiếc thuyền đánh cá mới của họ cùng với nhau, nhưng người chồng thường là người ngồi sau tay láI và điều khiển con thuyền. Anh ta lo lắng về điều có thể xảy ra trong trường hợp khẩn cấp. Vì thế một ngày khi đang ở giữa hồ anh ta nói với vợ rằng:

“ Hãy cầm lấy bánh lái, em yêu. Cứ cho rằng anh đang bị đau tim. Em hãy làm sao để thuyền vào bờ một cách an toàn và cho nó vào bến.”

Người vợ lái con thuyền vào bến.

Sau đó vào buổi tối, người vợ đi vào phòng khách nơi người chồng đang xem tivi. Chị ngồi xuống cạnh chồng, đổi kênh truyền hình, và nói với anh:

“Hãy đi xuống bếp, anh yêu. Cứ cho rằng em đang bị đau tim nên hãy dọn bàn, nấu bữa tối và rửa bát đĩa.”

17- The conjurer was arranging a new stage trick, and on the day before its introduction he asked his young son to help him.

“When I ask for a boy to come on the stage, you must come at once. But you must not do anything or say anything that will make the audience think that you know me.”

The boy said he understood everything and when the conjurer asked for help, he came forward quickly and was invited on the stage. When he got there, the conjurer said:

- “Look at this boy! He has never seen me before, have you, my boy?”

- “No, father!” answered the boy.

Một trò ảo thuật mới

Một người làm trò ảo thuật đang dàn dựng một tiết mục ảo thuật mới trên sân khấu, và hôm trước ngày mở màn anh ta nhờ cậu con trai giúp sức:

-“Khi bố mời một cậu bé lên sân khấu, thì con phải lên ngay. Nhưng con không được nói gì hay làm gì khiến khán giả nghĩ là con biết bố đấy nhé.”

Cậu bé nói là đã hiểu hết mọi chuyện và khi người diễn trò xin giúp, cậu nhanh chóng đi lên và được mời lên sân khấu. Khi cậu đứng đó, người diễn trò nói:

-“Xin hãy nhìn cậu bé này! Trước đây cậu ấy chưa bao giờ trông thấy tôi, có phải thế không, cậu bé?”

- “Vâng, thưa bố!”, cậu bé trả lời.

18- GRASS

One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw two men eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. “Why are you eating grass?”, he asked one man.

- “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.

- “Oh, come along with me then.”

- “But sir, I have a wife with two chirlden!”

- “Bring them along! And you, come with us too!”, he said to the other man.

- “But sir, I have a wife with six children!” the second man answered.

- “Bring them as well!”

They all climbed inton the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limo. Once underway, one of the poor fellows says,

- “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you.”

The lawyer replied, “No problem, the grass at my home is about two feet tall.”

Cỏ

Một buổi chiều nọ, khi một luật sư giàu có đang ngồi trong chiếc xe li-mu-din thì nhìn thấy hai người đàn ông đang ăn cỏ bên đường. Ông ta yêu cầu người lái xe dừng lại để ra ngoài tìm hiểu.

-“ Tại sao anh lại ăn cỏ?”, ông ta hỏi một người đàn ông.

-“Chúng tôi không có tiền để mua thức ăn,” người đàn ông nghèo khổ trả lời.

-“Ồ, thế thì hãy đi theo tôi.”

-“Nhưng thưa ngài, tôi còn có một người vợ và hai đứa con!”

-“Hãy mang họ theo luôn! Và cả anh nữa hãy đi với chúng tôi!”, ông ta nói với người đàn ông khác.

-“Nhưng thưa ngài, tôi có một người vợ và sáu đứa con!”, người đàn ông thứ hai trả lời.

-“Hãy mang cả họ theo nữa!”

Thế rồi cả đám người trèo lên ô tô, việc này thật chẳng dễ dàng gì, ngay cả với chiếc xe li-mu-din rộng rãi. Trên đường đi một trong hai người đàn ông nghèo khổ nói:

- “Thưa ngài, ngài rất tốt bụng. Cám ơn ngài vì đã để bọn tôi theo ngài.”

-“Không có gì đâu, cỏ ở nhà tôi cao gần hai fít cơ,” vị luật sư đáp lời.

19.The employee stormed angrily into the cashier's office:

- What's the meaning of this? I just counted my pay and it's a dollar short!

The cashier examined the envelope, then checked his records.

- Last week we paid you a dollar more. You didn't complain then, did you?

- Look, said the employee. An occasional mistake I can overlook - but two in a row is too much!

20. Why do they call the language we speak our mother-tongue? asked the

son.

Because fathers so seldom gets a chance to use it, replied his dad.

21 A traveller walking along a road asked an old man working in a field to

how long it would take to get to the next village. But the old man didn't

answer, so the traveller kept walking.

He hadn't gone far when he heard a call: Hi, mister, it'll take you about 20

minutes.

- Why didn't you tell me that when I asked you? asked the traveller.

- How did I know how fast you were going to walk? replied the old man.

22. The Duke of Gloucester, speaking at a luncheon in London:

A home accidents survey which showed that ninety percent of accidents on staircases involved either the top or the bottom step, was fed into a computer. Asked how accidents could be reduced, the computer answered: Remove the top and bottom steps.

23. An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby.

- The lift will be down presently, the receptionist told him

- The lift? said the American. Oh, you mean the elevator.

- No, I mean the lift, replied the Englishman.

- I think I should know what it is called, said the American. Elevators were invented in the States.

- Perhaps, retorted the Englishman. But we invented the language.

24. When an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary, he

turned her down, saying:

- Your salary is already higher than that of the secretary at the next desk. And she has five children.

- Excuse me, the efficient woman replied, I thought we got paid for what we produce here not for what we produce at home in our own time.

25. Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them.

- How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked a lawyer.

- Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers.

When they boarded the train, the lawyers took their seats, but the three engineers crammed into a toilet and closed the door behind them. Shortly after the train started, the ticket collector arrived. He knocked on the toilet door and asked, Ticket please. The door opened just a crack and a single arm emerged with a ticket in hand. The ticket collector took it and moved on. Seeing this, the lawyers decided to the same thing on the return trip.

So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their

astonishment, the engineers didn't buy any.

- How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers.

- Wait and watch, answered an engineer.

In the train, the three engineers crammed into a toilet and the three lawyers into another nearby. Soon after the train started, one of the engineers got out of the toilet and walked to one where the lawyers were hiding. He knocked on the door and said:

- Ticket, please.

26. Chemistry Teacher: Can you give me the formula for water?

Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-.

Chemistry Teacher: Where did you get an idea like that?

Student: You told us the other day it was "H to O".

He: I wonder why women pay more attention to beauty than to brains.

She: Because no matter how stupid a man is, he is seldom blind.

Father: Would you still love my daughter even if she were poor?

Suitor: Of course.

Father: You're no good. We don't want fools in our family.

27 The Bum... (kẻ vô công rồi nghề, kể lười biếng, kẻ ăn bám, kẻ ăn mày)

A bum approaches a well dressed gentleman on the street. "Hey, Buddy, can you spare two dollars?" The well-dressed gentleman responds, "You are not going to spend in on liquor are you?"

"No, sir, I don't drink," retorts the bum.

"You are not going to throw it away in some crap game, are you?" asks the gentleman.

"No way, I don't gamble," answers the bum.

"You wouldn't waste the money at a golf course for greens fees, would you?" asks the man.

"Never," says the bum, "I don't play golf."

The man asks the bum if he would like to come home with him for a home cooked meal. The bum accepts eagerly. While they are heading for the man's house, the bum's curiosity gets the better of him. "Isn't your wife going to be angry when she sees a guy like me at your table?"

"Probably," says the man, "but it will be worth it. I want her to see what happens to a guy who doesn't drink, gamble or play golf."

Việt:

KẺ ĂN MÀY …

Một gã ăn mày tiến gần một quý ông ăn mặt sang trọng trên đường phố. “Này, ông bạn quý, ông có thể cho hai đô la được không?” Người đàn ông ăn mặc sang trọng trả lời:” Bạn sẽ không tiêu tiền vào rượu chè, phải không?”

“Không, thưa ngài, tôi không uống rượu,” gã ăn mày cãi lại.

“Bạn sẽ không quẳng nó vào những ván chơi tào lao, phải không?” người đàn ông thượng lưu hỏi.

“ Không theo lối đó. Tôi không chơi bài,” gã ăn mày trả lời.

“ Bạn sẽ không tiêu hoang tiền vào những khoảng phí hõm của một cuộc gôn, phải không?” người đàn ông hỏi.

“Không bao giờ,” tên ăn mày nói, “tôi không chơi gôn.”

Người đàn ông hỏi gã ăn mày có muốn về nhà với ông ta ăn cơm nhà không. Gã ăn mày hăm hở đồng ý. Trong khi họ đang đi hướng về nhà người đàn ông, gã ăn mày không thắng được tính tò mò. “Vợ ông sẽ không nổi giận khi bà ấy thấy một gã như tôi tại bàn ăn của ông à?”

“ Chắc là có,” người đàn ông nói, “nhưng sẽ đáng như thế. Tôi muốn cô ấy thấy điều gì xảy ra cho một gã không nhậu nhẹt, cờ bạc hoặc chơi gôn.”

28 . Why are you crying ?

“Why are you crying, Nelly?” asked the little girl’s father.

“Because Tom has holidays, and I don’t” said Nelly.

“Why don’t you have holidays?”

“Because I don’t go to school.”

29. Correction

Teacher: Tom, why don’t you wash your face everyday ? I can see what you had for breakfast today.

Tom: What was it, teacher ?

Teacher: Eggs.

Tom: Wrong, teacher. That was yesterday.

30. It was so dark

Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Jonny, and how there is only one pieces there. Can you explain this???

Jonny: It was so dark, Mamma, I didn’t see the other piece.

31 The little Magic pot

One upon the time, a mother and her little girl lived in a tiny house at the edge of a village.They were very boor and often did not have enought to eat.

One day there was nothing at all in the house to eat, so the mother sent the little girl in to a near-by woods to hunt for terries. As the little girl wandered about in the woods trying to find the biggest berries, she met an old man.

"What bring you into this forest alone, my dear child?" asked the old woman.

Mother and i are with-out food, and i have come to woods to find enough berries to give us some thing to eat for supper"

Upon hearing this, the old woman pulled out, from underneath the heavy cloak she wore, a little iron pot.

"Take this, my dear child", she said:"It is a magic pot. Whenever you are hugry, just say to it,"cook, little pot, cook", and you will have sweet porridge.Then, when you have enough, all you need to say is"stop,little pot,stop" and the little magic pot will stop vallking porridge"

The little girl thanked the old woman. she was so very happy that she ran all the way home with the magic pot.That evening, for their supper, she and her mother had all the sweet porridge they could eat>

From that time now, the little girl and her mother were never hugry, for wherever they needed any food the little girl would say"cook, little pot,cook" and the little magic pot would fill up to its brim with the porridge.

When they had enough porridge, the little girl would say:" stop, little pot, stop" and little pot would stop making sweet porridge.

It's truly a wonderful magic pot.Then one day when the little girl was away from home, her mother decided she wanted some sweet porridge for her lunch.So she took the little magic pot from its special resting space on a cupboard shelf placed it upon the stove and said:"cook, little pot, cook"

Soon the little magic pot was filled to the top with lovely sweet porridge"no more, little pot, no more" said the mother.But the magic pot kept right on making sweet porridge. Soon the porridge was spilling over the sides of the pot.

Then the mother cried, "half,little pot,haff" but the pot kept right in boiling, making more and more poriidge until it ran over the stove and began dripping onto floor.

By this time the mother was at her wits end. She was unable to think of the right words to make the pot stop boiling. As word affter word failed, the porridge kept slipping over the kitchen floor several inches deep.

Then it ran out the door and began trickling down the path that led to the village.Before long the trickle became a stream that went rushing down the street pushing its into th houses

And all the while, the little magic pot kept boiling and boiling, making more and more porridge

The stream of porridge flowed along, growing deeper and deeper, until it reached the last house in the other side of the village.There the little girl was visiting her play mates

When she saw the porridge come creeping in under the door, she guessed what had happened. Without stopping to say goodbye to her little friends, she darted out of the door. She ran all the way home through th porridge filled street

"Stop little pot,stop" cired the little girl as she waded into the kitchen of her home.

Instantly the little magic pot stoped boiling. But by that time the village was knee deep in sweet porridge It took the villagers three weeks to eat their way out of it.

hic hic

32 .The employee stormed angrily into the cashier's office:

- What's the meaning of this? I just counted my pay and it's a dollar short!

The cashier examined the envelope, then checked his records.

- Last week we paid you a dollar more. You didn't complain then, did you?

- Look, said the employee. An occasional mistake I can overlook - but two in a row is too much!

33. Why do they call the language we speak our mother-tongue? asked the

son.

Because fathers so seldom gets a chance to use it, replied his dad.

34. A traveller walking along a road asked an old man working in a field to

how long it would take to get to the next village. But the old man didn't

answer, so the traveller kept walking.

He hadn't gone far when he heard a call: Hi, mister, it'll take you about 20

minutes.

- Why didn't you tell me that when I asked you? asked the traveller.

- How did I know how fast you were going to walk? replied the old man.

35. The Duke of Gloucester, speaking at a luncheon in London:

36. An American visiting England walked into a hotel lobby.

- The lift will be down presently, the receptionist told him

- The lift? said the American. Oh, you mean the elevator.

- No, I mean the lift, replied the Englishman.

- I think I should know what it is called, said the American. Elevators were invented in the States.

- Perhaps, retorted the Englishman. But we invented the language.

37. When an efficient secretary asked her boss for a raise in her salary, he

turned her down, saying:

- Your salary is already higher than that of the secretary at the next desk. And she has five children.

- Excuse me, the efficient woman replied, I thought we got paid for what we produce here not for what we produce at home in our own time.

38. Three lawyers and three engineers were travelling by train to a conference. At the station, each lawyer bought a ticket whereas the engineers bought only one ticket between them.

- How are you going to travel on a single ticket? asked a lawyer.

- Wait and watch, answered one of the engineers.

So when they got to the station, they bought only one ticket. To their

astonishment, the engineers didn't buy any.

- How are you going to travel without a ticket? asked one of the perplexed lawyers.

- Wait and watch, answered an engineer.

- Ticket, please.

39. Chemistry Teacher: Can you give me the formula for water?

Student: H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-.

Chemistry Teacher: Where did you get an idea like that?

Student: You told us the other day it was "H to O".

He: I wonder why women pay more attention to beauty than to brains.

She: Because no matter how stupid a man is, he is seldom blind.

Father: Would you still love my daughter even if she were poor?

Suitor: Of course.

Father: You're no good. We don't want fools in our family.

40 Mrs Jones telephone number was 3463, and the number of the cinema in

her town was 3464, so people often made a mistake and telephoned her

when they wanted the cinema.

One evening the telephone bell rang and Mrs Jones answered it. A tired

man said " At what time does your last film begin ?''

"I am sorry" , said Mrs Jones, "but you have the wrong number. This is

not the cinema"

"Oh, it began twenty minutes ago?" said the man. "I am sorry about that.

Goodbye"

Mrs Jones was very surprised, so she told her husband. He laughed and

said, " The man's wife wanted to go to the cinema, but he was feeling tired,

so he telephoned the cinema. His wife heard him, but she didn't hear you.

Now they will stay at home this evening, and the husband will be happy ! "

41 Mrs brown's old grandfather lived her and her husband. Every morning he went for

a walk in the park and came home at half past twelve for his lunch.

But one morning a police car stopped outside Mrs Brown's house at twelve

o'clock, and two policemen helped Mr Brown to get out. One of them said to

Mrs Brown " The poor old gentleman lost his way in the park and telephoned to

us for help,so we sent a car to bring him home'. Mrs Brown was very surprised,

but she thanked the policemen and they left.

" But, Grandfather' , she then said , '' you have been to that park nearly every day

for twenty years. How did you lose your way there ?"

The old man smiled . Closed one eye and said " I didn't quite lose my way .I just

got tired and I didn't want to walk home !

42 MY FATHER, SIR

Tom did not want to go back to school after the summer holidays. He wanted to stay several more days at home. So he telephoned his teacher. He tried to speak like his father.

“Tom is ill in bed,” he said.” He cannot go to school for several days”.

“Well, I’m sorry to hear that,”said the teacher. “Who is speaking?”

“My father, Sir,” aswered Tim

Ends

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