Standing in front of his darling's closed room, JJay could feel the heart stomping inside his chest. He couldn't decide whether he should disturb his sleep or not. But about the existence of Fuaiz's sleep, JJay wasn't even sure if it had come tonight.

  Few moments ago, a queasy hunch just invaded JJay's dreams and he sprang up fully awake in Fuaiz's brother's bedroom that hasn't been used in quite a while. It seems like Fuaiz was feeling hurt, and needed a protecting guardian, but to be honest, he has never stopped feeling that way. It's not that he's frail. He's strong, too strong and haughty to ever admit that if JJay doesn't sleep with him, he'd end up curling up in pain again. And as a result, JJay was pushed to sleep seperatedly earlier while they're literally dating.

  But the voices were even stronger than him. His partner knew that.

  JJay inhaled and knocked the door. No response. He tried again. Still the serenity. He felt the lump in his throat flowing away like a rock blocking a body of water being pushed out of the way. Maybe after all, there wasn't anything wrong with Fuaiz tonight, and maybe he was deep in a dream about their script-reading session this morning with the rest or about the goodnight kiss JJay had pressed on his lips.

  The moment JJay just turned his shoulders to walk, he heard it. The sounds of horror. Fuaiz's scream and something broke smashing the floor, and JJay's body reacted with an unbelievable speed.

  Door is kicked opened and JJay burst into the room, unconsciously switched on a light switch just to see a suffering, fearful, wrenched, agonizing Fuaiz sit grasping his knees into a total mess on the bed. Pillows and blankets fell in a clutter, pressing on something like the lampshade lying on the floor after Fuaiz's hitch. His hair and clothes sweltered no matter how cold the A/C is.

  "Fuaiz!"

  JJay's legs barely touched the ground. He glided to him and sat on the edge, biting his lower lips to not turn into another crying mess. His arms wrapped around the baby, trying to quiet him down.

  "Fuaiz. Fuaiz. Pretty boy... I'm here... Wake up... They're gone." JJay stuttered like every other time, not wishing anything more than being able to turn back time to when this hasn't happened and fix it.

  Besides from Fuaiz's family, JJay's the only one knew about his disorder.

  Fuaiz was ten. He was going swimming with friends when he heard a voice inside his head demanding him to drown himself. He followed. Thank God, his friends saw it before it was too late. Since then, nothing comes more often than Fuaiz hearing more voices finding ways to kill his life, manipulating him into un-aliving himself, Fuaiz had to writhe trying to escape his own mind. He must go to therapy at least six times every single week, then lessened into five times, four times, thrice, twice, once. Ever since he signed the contract with Be On Cloud, the schedule is tighter than he could've imagined, which also meant he almost quit therapy completely and constantly not taking the meds.

  The deadly voices went back to him in a blink of the eye, haunting his sleeps.

  Seemed like Fuaiz only noticed the presence of JJay after being pulled into his chest. He looked up, eyes filled with fear and those tear stained cheeks once again made JJay fell into pieces.

  "JJay..." He buried his face into his boyfriend's chest and sobbed non-stop, nothing in his voice but frights "I... I just..."

  "Deadly them again, ain't it?" JJay softly said. He rubbed Fuaiz's back with one hand and rest the other on the back of his neck, let Fuaiz sat in his lap and kissed his hair. All of the sudden, JJay just felt awfully useless and guilty.

  Fuaiz cried: "I heard voices... wanted to jump out of the windows... I resisted and threw stuff at them and they..." he nuzzled his head the bigger one's neck "...it hurts so much."

  "My love, I'm here."

  "I'm hurt, JJay."

  "Your JJay is here. I'll shelter you."

  Fuaiz kept on crying, and the guy hugged him like they're one, murmured words of reassurance. JJay's signature smell mixed from his soap, shaving cream, shampoo and the manly body scent definitely worked way better than Fuaiz's prescription anti-anxiety drugs. That scent always made Fuaiz felt like he was floating on fluffy candy-pink clouds, sweet like honey and irresistible. There was this one time when he drank too much Strongbow (Fuaiz has extremely low drinking capacity, he was just 17 anyway!) and started babbling about fluffy pink clouds and JJay being an obvious duo to him. Fuck, one whole month being teased to death by Mio and Bump.

  JJay embraced and caressed him until he couldn't feel the trembling from that delicate body anymore and the muscles stopped tensing up. Fuaiz was still crying, but no more hiccups. He didn't loosen the hand grabbing JJay's shirt and was whispering telling about those dark illusions the entire time.

  JJay has never seen them, but he could imagine. Demons. Ghosts. Ominous phantoms wandering. Not sure which, but they put Fuaiz in danger. On bad days, like today, Fuaiz didn't just hear, but see them. And JJay wasn't courageous enough to ask him how they look like.

  JJay sighed the heaviest sigh. If only... he should've seen this coming. Usually when Fuaiz's brother's at home, or at least when he's not stuck with seven different deadlines, he'd force Fuaiz to take his meds no matter what. Fuaiz hated that slimy liquid, two hours ago he was just whining with JJay about how it made his stomach felt like crap.

  And just like every other time, JJay would let his baby boy do whatever he wanted. "Alright, maybe there won't be any serious damage, I think-" JJay didn't have the chance to complete the sentence before Fuaiz leaned forward and grabbed JJay's cheek with his lips.

  There was serious damage for sure.

  "My fault. I was unwary. I thought I'd be fine knowing you're at the opposite side of the wall." Fuaiz sniffed "Didn't take the meds, too. That's why it was that bad."

  "Silly Fuaiz. Why do you keep acting brave?"

  "I don't want to seem like a pest bothering you."

  JJay gently pulled Fuaiz's face so the eyes meet. Fingers carefully cherished his face, wiping away the tears. JJay malfunctioned for a second. For the love of God, Fuaiz looked perfect up-close, the swelling eyes did nothing to his beauty.

  "Fuaiz, you're anything but a pest." JJay gave his boy the most loving gaze "Bother me. Depend on me. Tell and whine with me about everything, tagged along me. If there's anything I can give you that make you feel safe, I'll sell my soul for it."

  "That's so romantic, JJay." Fuaiz laughed, but sounded like the repercussion of his cries.

  JJay cuddled him until Fuaiz fell asleep right in his arms, both legs wrapping around JJay's hips and head dropped on JJay's shoulders, hair rubbed onto his neck making JJay ticklish.

  "Good boy." JJay put him down the sheet with tenderness.

  "You're going where." The boy quickly drawled in the nasal voice despite the fact that he was literally asleep one minute ago.

  "No worries. Just going to turn off my room's A/C. Don't even dream about me letting you sleep alone ever again."

  "Then what about when my brother's at home?"

  "My condo has enough space to spare."

  "Hmm, fine."

  "I'll bring you to the therapist tomorrow."

  "..."

  When JJay came back, Fuaiz had really fell deep in his sleep with all limbs spreading out taking up all the bed space, and JJay had to curled his stringy body up in one small corner, slightly buried his head into Fuaiz's stomach and hugged the boy's lower body.

  "Sweet dreams, love."

  "Demons please don't come for him again."

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THE END