Hey!

So you may or may not notice how I put the whole "lol I stalk people on Wattpad" in my bio...

You know I wasn't lying haha

I mean I wouldn't even really call it stalking. Sort of a strong word.

But it's not like I creep really hard. It's usually just reading some things on the message board or looking at your followers. Maybe reading one of your books. Usual things I do when I'm bored.

But there are so many instances..

...

...where you see something that you know wasn't meant for you specifically to see...

Gosh.

But when they talk about you with their words dripping with disgust or pain...or hatred...

This has happened on SEVERAL occasions.

And I know it has to be my fault. And I know why they feel that way about me. And I should have done something to help.

And I know that I'm some big account with so many followers and I'm "perfect" and for some reason you HAVE to love me. You don't.

And when I make a mistake, they can take it as an offense.

And I'm sorry.

And I know I screw up more than I should.

But sometimes...I don't do anything to help them. I don't love them enough. Or maybe they didn't get the attention they wanted and now.. I guess it's my fault...

I'm sorry that you aren't confident in your art. Honestly I'm not either. Because I'm not an expert. I'm just not there yet...yet

I'm sorry I didn't complement you. Or didn't put your book out in the spotlight. Maybe I should have. Maybe you wouldn't...despise me.

What was it that I said..that made you think that..I don't..enjoy your presence?

Sometimes it's because I have to go and I'm caught up in something. Or maybe it's late and I'm exhausted. I've been busy with all my friends this past week.. So many are leaving for a while..thought I'd say goodbye..

Excuses excuses...

Oh

I'm ranting I'm sorry..

But it just..breaks my heart! What have I done??? Please!! Communicate!! I beg of you to just...tell me..how YOU feel...in the comments! Just tell me what I've done wrong..I need to know! Please..please..

So I can improve myself!

So I won't hurt you. Or make you feel..lesser than a human being. So I don't offend you. Because I couldn't finish that drawing or contest result on time! Because I had to set a new rule! Because I'm somehow...

...not perfect.

Because that's what someone with so much..."attention" has to be. Perfect. Absolutely perfect. Because that's what someone may think of me. That I'm incapable of feeling upset, or hurt, or maybe angry..

But now I'm being selfish. Ugh

But if I try to care for someone..they'll think I'm just doing it to be nice. That I'm faking it..

I care. A lot.

But I guess someone with sooooo many followers isn't allowed to do for other, "less-popular" users. I don't think of you as "less-popular" You're just another someone who maybe likes reading or drawing or a cartoon...

I hate saying that I have this amount of attention! I hate saying I have thousands of followers! I hope you all know that...

I'm so so sorry.

Ugh..

...

I'm sorry for my typos..

Even the writing is imperfect.