Chapter 50: War of hearts I: Zaria and Kaz's forbidden love.

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Jesper looked at Zaria for help, his eyes shouting the words ‘HELP ME’ as he turned to his father.

“Da,” he began gulping and searching for the answer, “I…” he trailed off and this time Zaria didn’t know what to say, for the first time ever she didn’t have a lie to give, “the thing is—“ but just before he could finish.

Bang!

A shot rang out against the walls of the courtyard, Jesper and Zaria didn’t think twice before shoving Colm behind them as a bullet pinged off the stones at their feet, a cloud of dust made her cough and close her eyes.

And then gunfire was echoing across the courtyard, the reverberation made it hard to tell where the shots were coming from, Zaria looked around through the smoke with wide eyes, her scarf long gone, “What in the name of all that is holy—” Jesper yanked on father’s sleeve, pulling him toward the hooded stone shelter of a doorway.

Zaria looked to her left, prepared to grab hold of Wylan, but the merchling was already in motion, keeping pace beside Jesper and her in what passed for a reasonable crouch.

Nothing like being shot at a few times to make you a fast learner, Jesper thought as they reached the protective curve of the overhang.

Zaria craned her neck to try to see up to the roofline, through squinted eyes, and then flinched back as more shots rang out. Another smattering of gunfire rattled from somewhere above and to the left of them, and she could only hope that meant the big brooding tulip and Demjin were returning fire.

“Saints!” his father gasped making her wince and lean against the wall, bullet raining on top of them, this was his first meeting with his son and daughter and it went like shit. Curse this heist. Curse them motherfuckers.

“This city is worse than the guidebooks said! Zaria darling why did you choose this place?” and she laughed at that, “I don’t know uncle, I really don’t and it isn’t the city,” she replied taking the pistol Jesper handed her from his fancy looking coat.

“They’re after me. Or her, or after us. It’s always hard to say.” Jesper pointed at himself, then his best friend with his thumb then the trio, “Who’s after you?” Jesper exchanged a glance with Wylan who turned to Zaria.

Jan Van Eck? A rival gang looking to settle a score? Pekka Rollins or someone else Jesper had borrowed money from? Zaria’s step mother? The gang from Novyi Zem that wanted to kill her for not agreeing to marry that son of a bitch?

“There’s a long list of potential suitors, uncle, a list bigger than Jesper the giraffe, so we need to get out of here before they introduce themselves more… personally.” She waved her hands more dramatically, ignoring Jesper’s offended look for calling him a giraffe.

He punched her shoulder looking away as soon as she turned to death glare him, “Brigands?” Jesper and Zaria knew there was a good chance they were about to be riddled with holes, so Jesper tried to restrain his grin.

“Something like that.” They replied in unison, she peered around the edge of the door, squinting through the smoke both hands on the pistol, finger on the trigger she peeled off two shots, then ducked back when another spate of gunfire exploded.

“Wylan, tell me you’re packing more than pens, ink, and weevil makings.” Jesper turned to Wylan almost begging him to have a bomb in his bag, this was all badass, the three of them made a badass trip he must admit but Jesper had to focus.

“I’ve got two flash bombs and something new I rigged up with a little more, um, wallop.” Colm gripped the wall for dear’s life and she felt her heart drop, this was bad, she knew it was going to end  up bad and she wasn’t going to risk losing her uncle, the only person she had from her father other than her step mother and sister.

“Bombs?” he asked, blinking as if to wake himself from a bad dream, Jesper looked at Zaria who nodded before turning to his father, shrugging helplessly, “Think of them as science experiments?” he whispered earning a snort from Zaria, was this all amusing? No, but she was 17 years old who had her blood pumping at the moment thanks to the adrenaline and bullets echoing.

“What kind of numbers are we up against?” asked Wylan making Zaria turn around and be sarcastic, “you are asking all the right questions but not to me? Hard to tell. They’re somewhere on the roof, and the only way out is back through the…” she pointed at the archway while snapping her fingers in search of the word in Kerch.

Fuck language barrier.

“Archway?” Wylan said making her sigh and nod, “yes, archway, but that’s a lot of courtyard to cross with them firing from high ground. Even if we make it, I’m guessing they’re going to have plenty more thunder waiting for us outside,” she trailed off while explaining her plan.

“That is unless Kaz and Matt can somehow clear a path.” She spoke shaking her head at her ridiculous plan, Jesper turned with a frown, “if Kaz heard you call Matthias Matt, he was going to kill you.” He was right, Kaz was going to scowl, or give her the silent treatment.

“I know another way out,” said Wylan, “But the entrance is on the other side of the courtyard.” He pointed to a door beneath an arch carved with some kind of horned monster gnawing on a pencil, what the fuck-

“The reading room?” Jesper gauged the distance, looking at Wylan with a raised eyebrow, fighting down his smile he looked away, “All right. On three, you make a break. Me and Z will cover you. Get my father inside.”

“Jesper—” started but Colm but was cut off by his son, “Da, I swear I’ll explain everything, but right now all you need to know is that we’re in a bad situation, and bad situations happen to be my area of expertise.”

And it was true. Jesper could feel himself coming alive, the worry that had been dogging his steps since he’d gotten news of his father’s arrival in Ketterdam falling away.

He felt free, dangerous, “Trust me, Da.” Zaria nodded by his side checking for the bullets, “All right, boy. All right.” Jesper was pretty sure he could hear an unspoken for now.

He saw Wylan brace himself. The merchling was still so new to all this. Hopefully Jesper wouldn’t get everyone killed.

He turned to Zaria and they both nodded in unison, turning to Wylan and gesturing him to grab Colm, “One, two…” with that they started firing on three, back pressed together, leaping into the courtyard, they rolled for cover behind the fountain.

They were aiming and shooting by instinct, sensing movement and firing before they could think twice, he didn’t need to kill anyone, maybe that was what Zaria wanted, but not Jesper, he just needed to scare the hell out of them and buy Wylan and his father time.

A bullet struck the fountain’s central statue, the book in the scholar’s hand exploding into fragments of stone.

Whatever ammunition they were using, they weren’t fucking around.

Another bullet went right past her ear if she didn’t move, “Holy shit!” she exclaimed eyes wide and staring at her now ripped scarf.

“All Saints ,” he shouted as pain tore through his shoulder, Zaria’s eyes widened at Jesper’s shout and turned to him in worry, he shrank back behind the stone lip and Zaria immediately went to his side, “Jesper!” she called pressing her hand against his wound,  it was just a scratch, but it hurt like hell, and he was bleeding all over his new tweed jacket.

Jesper flexed his hand watched her grab her scarf and press it against his wound with wide eyes, pure fear in her eyes, “are you okay?” she asked cupping his cheeks, “This is why it doesn’t pay to try to look respectable,” he muttered nodding and moving his head so her forehead pressed against his.

“I’m fine, Z,” she took a deep breath to ease down her hammering heart, with rage, the same she felt when fighting those Fjerdans with Nina, she reloaded and moved a little to the side, popping up from behind the fountain, and shooting without mercy.

Above him, Jesper could see the silhouettes on the roof moving. Any minute, they were going to circle around the other side of the fountain and they’d be done for, from a gun to the other, “Jesper!” Wylan’s voice.

Damn it. He was supposed to get clear. “Jesper! At her two o’clock.” Jesper looked up and something was arcing through the sky, “ZARIA! At your two o’clock!” Without thinking, she aimed and fired, one eye closed.

The air exploded, “Get in the water!” Wylan shouted and Jesper dove into the fountain, and a second later the air sizzled with light.

When Jesper poked his soaked head out of the water, he saw that every exposed surface of the courtyard and its gardens was pocked with holes, tendrils of smoke rising from the tiny craters.

Whoever was up on the roof was screaming. Just what kind of bomb had Wylan let loose? He hoped Matthias and Kaz had found cover, but there was no time to stew on it.

“Zaria?” he called in worry while looking around, spitting out the water, and just like that, she popped out, a rifle in hand, blood in her hand that she washed as soon as she kneeled in front of Jesper, helping him out.

“you good?” he asked in relief, she furiously washed away the blood and handed him both his pistols that she borrowed, “huh?” she looked up and nodded after taking a deep breath, “yeah, I’m fine, are you?” he nodded and grabbed her hand, running for the doorway beneath the pencil-chewing demon.

Wylan and his father were waiting inside, they slammed the door shut, “Help me, We need to barricade the entrance.” The man behind the desk wore gray scholar’s robes. His nostrils were flared so wide in effrontery that Jesper feared being sucked up one of them.

Then he turned to Zaria who held the rifle with both hands, “Young woman—“ she pointed the weapon at the scholar’s chest, “fuck off.” she demanded, He shook his head and Jesper pointed his gun as well, “move, she told you.” he ordered.

“Jesper!” his father called with wide eyes, this wasn’t the children that left Novyi Zem.

“Don’t worry, Da. People point guns at each other all the time in Ketterdam. It’s basically a handshake.” That was true but his dad didn’t believe that, he had to ask the scholar, “Is that true?” the scholar grudgingly moved aside at the feeling of two barrel digging in his chest.

And they shoved the heavy desk in front of the door.

“Absolutely,” said Wylan, “Certainly not,” said the scholar, “definitely,” snapped Zaria glaring at him making Jesper wave them on.

“Depends on the neighborhood. Let’s go.”

They pelted down the main aisle of the reading room between long tables lit by lamps with curving necks.

Students huddled against the wall and under their chairs, probably thinking they were all about to die, Zaria watched them with a cocked eyebrow scoffing in amusement, “aw~ what a lovely sight, nothing to worry about, everyone!” she called sweetly grinning at them, Jesper resumed her words, “Just a little target practice in the courtyard.”

Wylan ushered them through a door covered in elaborate scrollwork, “Oh, you mustn’t,” said the scholar rushing after them, robes flapping like a bird getting ready to fly, “Not the rare books room!” she loved books and this made her eager to walk in, maybe even steal a book since it is rare.

“oh we must!”

“Do you want to shake hands again?” Jesper threatened then added, “I promise we won’t shoot anything we don’t have to.” He gave his father a gentle shove. Gesturing him to head up the stairs, “Jesper?” said a voice from beneath the nearest table.

A pretty blonde girl looked up from where she was crouched on the floor, “Madeleine?” Jesper asked in shock making Zaria stand by his side with a smile, she loved Jesper’s drama, “Madeleine Michaud?” Zaria pressed her lips and help back a laugh.

“You said we’d have breakfast!” oh shit, Zaria laughed softly earning a glare from Jesper, “I had to go to Fjerda.”

“Fjerda?”

And with that he headed up the stairs after Wylan, and then poked his head back into the reading room, “If I live, I’ll buy you waffles.” Zaria stayed there looking at poor Madeleine, listening to Wylan roast him without a thought, “You don’t have enough money to buy her waffles,” Wylan grumbled.

“Be quiet. We’re in a library.” He snapped glancing back to see his best friend kneeling in front of Madeleine and hold her hand out, a grin on her lips, “He won’t, love, that boy there is his boyfriend but…” he was going to kill her, Wylan’s cheeks burned red.

“if you need someone to warm your side of the bed, be your knight in shining armor for you pretty girl, or buy you waffles, I’m Storm, people will bring you to me,” He watched as the blonde blushed and grabbed her hand standing up on shaky legs.

Kissing her hand she moved up the stairs, rifle on shoulder, and a wicked grin on her lips, Jesper glared at her, “what?!” she put her hand out grinning innocently at him, Jesper rolling his eyes and continued his way up the stairs.

“Isn’t Kaz your boyfriend?” She groaned at his words, “He isn’t my boyfriend….” She trialed off looking at him, he raised his eyebrow, “yet.” She resumed with a sigh making him grin in satisfaction.

Jesper had never had cause to enter the rare books room while he was at school, the silence was so deep it was like being underwater and he despised that, rare maps covered the walls, Zaria looked around in pure awe and sneakily grabbed the book about the history of Ketterdam, the secrets about this city and just as she opened her mouth to ask Wylan if he can put in his back.

A Squaller in a blue kefta stood in the corner caught her eyes, arms rose, but shrank back as they entered, “Shu!” the Squaller cried when he saw Wylan, “I won’t go with you. I’ll kill myself first!” Jesper’s father held up his hands as if gentling a horse.

“Easy, lad.” That was the way he spoke with her when she woke up the next day, the second day after her father died, gasping for air, the beginning of her nightmares.

“We’re just passing through,” spoke Zaria continuing to walk, boots clapping with each step she took and echoing around the room, she followed Wylan and handed him the rare book, he took it with a smile and put it in his bag.

She kept the rifle close to her, moving between shelves and walking by Colm’s side in silence, she couldn’t glance at him every glance made her remember her father, and she didn’t want that, it was painful.

“My deepest apologies, uncle, this day wasn’t supposed to end this way, with a rifle in my hand and a scratch on your son’s arm,” she spoke staring ahead and watching Jesper and Wylan talk, twinkles in both their eyes,  like they were each other's world.

“Well... I have to get used to it, no?” He jokingly spoke trying to lift up the mood it did work a little since she did chuckle, “believe me, you have to, this is Ketterdam, there isn't only the two of us, there are four more,” his face went pale, and he gulped.

“Four?” He whispered in disbelief earning a nod from her, “does it include the boy, Kaz, I think his name was, your lover?” She turned to him with wide eyes before back to Jesper, thinking whether she should hit him with the rifle.

How dare he tell him-

“Before you plan an entire murder for Jesper, he hadn't told me, i overheard,” he said with a chuckle making her sigh in relief, great, “Sadly yes, it does include him, he is not my lover uncle,” she said looking back in front avoiding his eyes, cheeks glowing red.

Colm sighed and fixed his moustache, “ah yes, it's always a beautiful sight to see young teenagers in love, especially you, it is entertaining.” He grinned at her despite his tiredness watching her cheeks grow rosy by the second.

“He is not my lover, uncle, you will meet him and you will be surprised to see him.” She spoke voice getting low after each word until he couldn't hear her.

He chuckled tapping her back while doing so, she was confused, what was he laughing about? What did she say that was funny to him? She frowned, her eyebrows almost touching.

“He is not your lover eh, lass?” He asked watching her nod in confusion, the next words made her heart drop to her stomach, freeze, and her blood running cold.

“Those were the exact words your father used to say before marrying your step mother,” shit. His death still affected her after so many years.

And silence fell upon them, “yes, well, my father did everything for her, bought her flowers, asked her parents blessing, loved her for many years, I was there,” she whispered looking everywhere but him, “and Kaz is....different, very, he will never do such things because he despises them.”

Colm looked at her, listened to every word she said, the way her pupils dilated when she spoke of him, he noticed, he always noticed his children.

“You are just like your Appa, I see himself in you, it feels like I am having a conversation with him, you two are so similar, so... into being perfect, into being the protector that you don't even think twice about your feelings. That came from him, that was the Azad I knew, and my, you are a father's daughter,”

Those words were like a punch to the guts, as if Inej was stabbing her with her knives or Nina crushing her lungs, she couldn’t believe that, she was nothing like her father- she killed and-

“You will see what Kaz is like, he can't do that, he would love to I guess? But he can't. Uncle,” she said turning to him, eyes glossy thanks to the tears that covered her brown eyes, that's because something inside of him stops him from doing so, hunting his thoughts, she thought before resuming her words.

“This isn't like the love Appa and Mama had-“ she started to speak shaking her head but Colm cut her off.

“Do you love him, child?” Straight to the point.

Zaria stared at him with wide eyes, no one has asked him this question, straight forward, they did tease her, wiggle their eyebrows, but no one asked if she loved him— if she loved Kaz Brekker, Dirtyhands.

And she didn't know the answer.

“What?” She asked blinking at him and trying to register his words, “Do you love him?” He repeated his words raising an eyebrow as if to urge her to answer.

She stuttered and then closed her mouth, then opened it again, “I do, but-“  She admitted, as if the world was lifted from her shoulders finally letting her breath, she had confessed.

Finally, after doing it only in her mind, she finally uttered those words for the first time, to Colm Fahey.

“Then that's it, show him that, I'll see if the gentleman loves you back or not, leave it to me.” He turned back to his son who smiled at Wylan despite his wounded shoulder.

“What- uncle, you won't tell him, will you?” She asked in worry taking a step towards him, looking into his grey eyes, begging him to not say it to anyone, as if it was a crime of he told him, she did many crimes, ones that she deserves to be hanged or killed for it, but never this.

Confessing was horrible apparently.

“I am not stupid, love, I'll give you more advices once I meet this famous Kaz,”

With that he didn't say a single word leaving her eager and anxious, she knew that as soon as Colm would appear he was going to talk about her father, even if she is still mourning, aching once his name leaves his lips, blaming herself for his death, she listened to him, listened to how her Appa was.

After all, once you lose someone you hold dear, after a few years, it's like you are losing every single memory, like small parts about that person is vanishing like dust, little by little it becomes their faces.

Zaria was thinking she was beginning to go crazy, and she was terrified to forget her Appa. She didn't want that.

As much as the thought of having children was horrifying, if she did, she wanted to tell them stories about her Appa, how kind and gentle he was, that he was the best loving father.

If anyone asked her to talk about her father then she can stay the whole night and talk about him, the few rare souvenirs that were small will become bigger at the amount of details she will give in each saying, but if one would ask what his laughter was like or his jokes.

She wouldn't know what to say. And she cried nights following the other for this simple mistake but she was never admitting it, not even to her sister.
“You know, Wylan, one of these days I’m going to stop underestimating you.” she heard Jesper say to the boy making her smile at the two lovers, there was a brief pause and then, from somewhere up ahead, he heard Wylan say, “Then you’re going to be a lot harder to surprise.”
 
And at that, Jesper grinned like an idiot, it didn't feel quite right, but he did making Zaria wrap an arm around him and jump on his back, he was still damp but whatever, "Ohhhhh ~ the tension." she spoke ruffling his wet hair.
 
"Shut up, Zaria," said Jesper with a smile but from behind them, he could hear shouting from the rare books room, "did you steal a book?" he asked glancing back at her as she slipped from his back, walking by his side.
 
"two," she corrected ignoring his glare, "oh come on, Jes, they're called rare for a reason, one is with Jes and the other in my hand, how's your shoulder?" she asked glancing back up at him, her scarf that was once wrapped around her head bloody and pressed on his shoulder.
 
"it's just a scratch, Z, I'll be fine." he reassuringly spoke wrapping his good arm around her and pulling her towards him, "did you kill that person?" he asked in a whisper making her scoff.
 
"And you think I will let them live for shooting at you?" Jesper shook his head and didn't say another word, he could hear shouting from the rare books room behind them. 
 
Despite the exhilarating escape and the rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins, Jes couldn't shake off the icy grip of an unfamiliar sensation threatening to overshadow his joy. 
 
Blood trickled down his shoulder, a testament to the fierce battle they had just endured, and onto the scarf, these were the moments he lived for, the ones that ignited his spirit, but now, a haunting emptiness seemed to seep into his very core, dampening the fire within.
 
All he could think was that Da could have been hurt. He could have died. Jesper was used to people shooting at him, Zaria was as well, born and raised in zemeni they would have been a little insulted if they’d stopped shooting at them, well, him.
 
This was different. His father hadn’t chosen this fight. His only crime had been putting his faith in his son. 
 
"I talked to him, well, I apologized," she spoke snapping him out of thoughts, Jesper nodded and held her closer to his body, he knew what she meant, an apology was fine, it was perfect.
 
"An apology is great," he trailed off thinking of his father, his poor father, and what his mother would say, Zaria sensed his shoulder tense and silence fall over them, "Jes?" she called, holding on to his bicep squeezing and caressing.
 
but once he spoke she felt her heart drop, his voice laden with a mix of guilt and despair, "I don't deserve his forgiveness, but thank you for being there, trying to fix things up."
 
Zaria's heart sank as she heard the anguish in Jesper's voice. She tightened her grip on his arm, trying to provide some semblance of solace, "Jes, you can't blame yourself for everything. We all make mistakes."
 
"But this mistake... it's cost me everything," Jesper whispered, his voice trembling, "My father's trust, our relationship. I've shattered it all."
 
Tears welled up in Zaria's eyes, mirroring the pain etched across Jesper's face, she knew his self-condemnation ran deep, and she couldn't bear to see him suffer like this. 
 
"He understood Jes, I talked to him, believe me, he understood and Colm would never, and I mean, never hate you for such a thing, you remain his son and do you know the way he looked at you and Wylan?"
 
He turned to her, eyebrows narrowing and almost touching, "he was relieved, he was happy, smiling, he wasn't angry or even disappointed." his eyes searched for any trace of truth in her words. 
 
The weight of his guilt still hung heavy, but a glimmer of hope flickered within him, "You really think so? That he wasn't disappointed in me?" Zaria nodded, her tone reminding him so much of his mother when she used to comfort him after every mistake he'd made.
 
"I know so, asshole. I saw it in his eyes. He loves you, and love doesn't just vanish with one mistake. It might take time, but I believe he'll come around." she grinned up at him, the flowers in her hair filling his nostrils and calming him down.
 
"I should feel offended that you don't believe me, Fahey."
 
Jesper couldn't help but raise an eyebrow, a smug grin forming on his lips, "Oh, Zaria, I apologize for not blindly accepting your word as gospel. How could I ever doubt your impeccable judgment and infallible mind-reading skills?"
 
Zaria crossed her arms, a playful glint in her eyes, she punched his bicep, "Well, Jesper, if you're so convinced of my mind-reading abilities, maybe I should start charging for my services. I could make a fortune!"

Jesper chuckled before wincing dramatically at her fists, the tension in his shoulders easing a bit, "the world needs more psychic entrepreneurs, that's for sure." She smiled at his words, nodding.
 
His playful demeanor vanished and he took off his hat placing it on top of her hair, "Thank you, for talking to him," she shrugged and waved him off, "it's fine, he is my family as well, and witnessed me kill someone. we are both in deep shit."
 
Jesper sighed and nodded in agreement, "That we are, darling," well that was an interesting story to tell their children if they ever had one, if Kaz and Zaria ever had one- absolutely not Jesper, why would you think that?
 
Matthias and Nina, he and Zaria would make quite the best aunts and uncles, Aunt Zaria stole rare books and Uncle Jesper dodged bullets.

——♤——

JESPER AND ZARIA SUPREMACY. 🛐
best fucking duo fr.
But yes, Zaria finally admitted she is in love, only Kazzle left.
Was he going to say it? Confess?
4699 words, 50 chapters until Zaria confessed finally.
Damn.