Chapter 23: No mourners, no funerals.

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Zaria grew up reading romantic books, her room was full of them, and every book you could think of was on her shelves, and of course, she made sure to write in the letter for her sister to clean her shelves and take good care of the books.

Making her way towards Kaz she placed her hand in front of him, he didn't talk to her ever since their little chat, ever since he grabbed her hand.

Zaria hated when someone gave her the silent treatment, Kaz watched her with narrowed eyes, "The keys." she spoke with raised eyebrows, he rolled his eyes and did as told.

Placing the keys in the palm of her hand he looked away still feeling her beside him, "need something else?" he asked coldly it almost made her wince at how cold his voice was but stayed silent.

"yes. Did I say something that offended you?"

"no. I gave you the keys, do you need something else?" his voice came out harsher than intended as now he was fully facing her, Zaria's frown faded as she looked into his eyes in search of something.

Anything.

At least a hint of any emotion, but no, nothing, she couldn't read him this time, he has built those walls higher and even Inej, a skilled climber couldn't climb these ones.

"I was merely asking.." she replied, her voice low almost like a whisper but then fire blazed and started burning her, she clenched the keys in her hand not caring about the metal digging into her skin but focused on the boy in front of her.

"but no. I don't need anything else. not from you, at least, never again." with that she took a few steps back and started making her way toward Nina, letting out a frustrated sigh she smiled at Nina.

The Heartrender knew the smile she just gave her was fake, she could hear her heart beating so fast at the moment, "can you please just kill me, right now?" asked the black-haired girl Nina who frowned.

"Why? what happened?" asked Nina, Zaria sighed and tried to calm her beating heart, "I don't know, I went to get the keys but Mister Brekker just got mad and snapped." Now it was Nina's turn to sigh in frustration.

"Mister Brekker." she scoffed, "do you want me to crush his heart?" Zaria chuckled at that and shook his head, "no, if he continues I will zap him or throw him off the boat." she said, watching as the heartrender immediately nodded at that.

"good idea. I'll help you." with that Zaria linked her arm with hers and placed a kiss on her cheek that immediately reddened, "I know you will, angel, now shall we go see your lover?" teased the zemeni girl Nina who rolled her eyes.

"My lover? He hates my guts." Zaria frowned and listened to her, "well, mine does also, he's not my lover really, but it seems like our friendship is no longer...present, as well."

Nina shook her head and laughed softly, "Kaz? hates you? That's impossible. Have you seen the way he looks at you?" Zaria exhaled deeply, "tell me everything after we finish with dear Matthias Helvar."

Zaria held up the key, "Kaz sent us to remove your shackles." she greeted the Fjerdan who frowned and watched Nina walk in also, "Are you going to lock me in again at night?" he asked and Nina finally spoke "that's up to Kaz. And you, I suppose. have a seat."

 Zaria rolled her eyes at the mention of the bastard of the barrel, "Just give me the key." said Matthias glancing over to the squaller who was deep in thought, still holding the key.

"Ah, I fear that is not possible, Matthias. Though, Nina came to do something else as well." Nina cleared her throat at that, "He also wants me to tailor you."

"What? Why?" The thought of Nina altering his appearance with her witchcraft was intolerable, Zaria watched quietly the tension between him and Nina, she had the skill of reading people's eyes and the girl could see that there was still love going on between the two.

"We’re in Fjerda now. He wants you looking a little less … like yourself, just in case" Zaria chuckled, "Do you know how big this country is? The chance that—"

 "The odds of you being recognized will be considerably higher at the Ice Court, and I can’t make changes to your appearance all at once." spoke Nina calmly, "why?" he asked ignoring the click of the shackles opening as Zaria got rid of them.

doing everything she can to ignore the rattling of chains

"I’m not that good a Tailor. It’s part of all Corporalki training now, but I just don’t have an affinity for it. just as you can see, I didn't get rid of Zaria's scar." Matthias snorted at that. “What?” she asked, trying not to smile at the sound that just left his lips.

"I’ve never heard you admit you’re not good at something." he said watching her quietly, "Well, it happens so rarely." and he was horrified to find his lips curling in a smile, but it was easy enough to suppress when he thought of his face being changed.

But of course, Zaria, as quiet and sneaky as she is, caught him.

And she smiled at the two before taking a few steps back, to leave them together for a bit, "What does Brekker want you to do to me? Zaria." he called out for her just before she could step out.

"huh?"

"What does Brekker want you to do to me?" he repeated since she was the closest to him, Zaria was annoyed just by the mention of him, "well, I'll let that for Nina to answer, not me."

"Nothing radical. I’ll change your eye color, your hair – what you have of it. It won’t be permanent." “I don’t want this.” I don’t want you near me, he thought.

"It won’t take long, and it will be painless, but if you want to argue about it with Kaz…"

“Fine,” he said, steeling himself. It was pointless to argue with Brekker, not when he could simply taunt Matthias with the promise of the pardon. Matthias picked up a bucket, flipped it over, and sat down.

"What does Brekker want with me anyways?" He asked glancing over to Zaria, Nina looked around before walking away, probably to bring what she needed.

"Why are you asking me? I don't know."

Matthias hesitated at the words wanting to leave his lips, "aren't you and Brekker a thing?" He asked, watching as she suddenly froze, jaw clenching.

"I am starting to have a good feeling about you, Helvar. We may as well become friends, who knows? But please, don't ruin it."

Matthias narrowed his eyes at the girl, "it's just a simple question because you both seem very close." Zaria sighed deeply trying to control her anger.

"There is absolutely nothing going on between me and Brekker, not even friendship, and I am just here to help with the heist, have my money, and then go back to my country. I have a family to take care of!"

She exclaimed feeling tears of frustration wanting to blur her vision but she quickly wiped them away, blinking as if nothing happened, her mother, the scar, Kaz. Everything happened all at once.

"You and I have something in common, Matthias. We love our country and we are loyal to it, and we will do everything to smell the scent of home and go back to it. I will just do my job and go back home, even if such a thing as love is ruining my plan."

She sighed before taking a seat on the ground beside him, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to snap." She spoke looking everywhere but his eyes.

Matthias listened to her, they did have that in common, she was just a girl who wanted to go back to her country, and he was just a boy who wanted to smell the fresh air of home
.
And surprisingly, he felt bad for her, she was a Grisha, that was one thing he knew about her but he also knew that she was just like him.

"Not to worry, I am listening." Even he was surprised by the words that left his lips, she pulled her knees closer to her chest.

"I just...I killed my so-called lunatic of a mother because she killed my father, she was an abusive alcoholic woman, and a few days ago, she tried to let her fucked up friends have fun with me.." she trailed off chuckling and staring at the ceiling.

"like she used to do before, and I didn't want to go through that pain again, so I killed her, and this scar, she did it. So with the whole heist thing, me being a Grisha going to Fjerda, leaving home, Kaz being an asshole. It's just so fucking stressful."

Matthias scoffed, "Tell me about it." He said watching as she let out a laugh and looked at him, "no, but really, if you ever need to talk about how much you want to punch Kaz, I am all ears."

Now it was Matthias's turn to smile, he wanted to punch himself for breaking in front of the girl, and she will probably tell everyone that Matthias smiled.

"Finally, I will come to you first." Zaria laughed and got up, her hand out in front of him, "see! We are bonding!" Matthias stared at her hand before back up to her.

"For our friendship?"

The Fjerdan looked around before glaring at her hand, Zaria rolled her eyes, "I will not tell anyone, Helvar. I promise. But are you really still scared of me when I just opened up to you? A Grisha opening up to a Fjerdan, a Drüskelle. What a miracle!" She faked a gasp as if the most shocking thing just happened.

With that, he took her hand in his, and he sure as hell felt the electricity rush down his body at the contact, "for our friendship." She grinned at that.

With that he tore his hand away and the girl grabbed the shackles, throwing them across the room, "and please don't kill Nina, she still cares for you." Just as she was about to open the door Matthias called out for her.

"Storm?"

She turned around blinking, "I am so sorry for what happened to you, I truly am." He really was, he never heard such a thing happen to a girl her age, a 17-year-old especially.

"Thank you, Matthias. Do you know what's funny? You are the first one to know about what happened a few days ago. Cause I know you Fjerdans are loyal and always keep secrets."

With that, she walked away and Nina walked back in, "I asked Zaria and she said that she almost killed you. What did you say?"

Holding back his grin he rolled his eyes, "that girl is a pain in the ass. She almost threw one of her daggers at me, because I asked about Brekker."

she rooted around in a box she’d brought over. It had a handle and several little drawers stuffed with powders and pigments in tiny jars. She extracted a pot of something black from a drawer.

 "What is it?"

"Black antimony." She stepped close to him, tilting his chin back with the tip of her finger, "Unclench your jaw, Matthias. You’re going to grind your teeth down to nothing." He crossed his arms like a child.

She started shaking some of the antimony over his scalp and gave a rueful sigh. "Why does the brave drüskelle Matthias Helvar eat no meat?" she asked in a theatrical voice as she worked. "’Tis a sad story indeed, my child. His teeth were winnowed away by a vexatious Grisha, and now he can eat only pudding."

Matthias grumbled at that, "Stop that." he said watching as she shrugged innocently, "What? Keep your head tilted back."

"What are you doing?" he asked in annoyance, "Darkening your brows and lashes. You know, the way girls do before a party." He must have grimaced because she burst out laughing.

"The look on your face!" She leaned in, the waves of her brown hair grazing against his cheeks as she bled the color from the antimony into his brows. Her hand cupped his cheek. "Shut your eyes," she murmured.

Her thumbs moved smoothly over his lashes, and he realized he was holding his breath, he almost leaned against the palm of her hand at how soft and warm it was, but he stopped himself.

Matthias was never one to let his thoughts win, "you don’t smell like roses anymore," he said, then wanted to kick himself repeatedly, he shouldn't be noticing her scent!

he shouldn't be talking to her at all!

"I probably smell like boat," she replied, trying not to smile at him noticing her scent, but she smelled sweet, perfect like… "Toffee?" Her eyes slid away guiltily. "Kaz said to pack what we needed for the journey. A girl has to eat."

The conversation he had with Zaria came back immediately at the mention of Brekker, but a bag of toffee appeared in front of him, "Want one?" He desperately wanted to say yes.

 "No."

She shrugged and popped one in her mouth. Her eyes rolled back, and she sighed happily. "So good," she said between munches, one of the things Matthias liked about Nina was that she savored anything and everything.

"Eyes now," she said around the candy as she pulled a tiny bottle from her case. "You’ll have to keep them open."

"What is that?" he asked nervously, Matthias Helvar was nervous, what a miracle, she still has the effect on him, "a tincture developed by a Grisha named Genya Safin. It’s the safest way to change eye color."

Nina leaned in dangerously closer and her cheeks were rosy from the cold, her mouth parted open like she always does when focusing, and her lips were bare inches from his. If he sat up straighter, they’d be kissing.

Zaria went to change her clothes and to check her leg, it has healed surprisingly very fast, she borrowed some clothes from Jesper, this was Fjerda and she didn't want to fall sick.

and by borrowing some clothes she meant one of his hot shirts or sweaters, putting on a black long coat (Jesper's coat) she took a seat on the ground, a dagger between her hands as she fluttered her eyes shut.

"Saints, please, make things go right for us and keep us safe, help me so I can go back home." she whispered, "and please..forgive me for what I have done, I did it to survive." It's funny that just by closing her eyes she can see the dead bodies and her mother surrounding her.

Opening her eyes she got up and grabbed her stuff, she wore black pants and brown leather boots that would make her climb easily, a white oversized blouse, and a black corset that had navy blue embroidery of berries and other plants.

By the time they bid their goodbyes to the ship’s crew, the sky had turned from pink to gold, Zaria stood beside Matthias and looked around, "See you in Djerholm harbor," Specht called, "No mourners."

"No funerals."

Matthias and Zaria were the only ones who didn't say it back instead just looked at each other and shook their heads, strange people.

Zaria made her way towards Nina and Jesper with a sigh, "not gonna lie, but I wouldn't be surprised if we end up executed, because of our dear Matthias." she said with her hands on her hips, glancing over to the Fjerdan who rolled his eyes at her words.

Staring back at the land in front of her with Jesper on her right and Nina on her left, the flirty grisha trio, standing in the land of the people who find their skills dangerous and witch-like, killing them.

Letting out a deep breath she let out a deep breath, "welcome to the land of our death." with that she started walking and looking around the place in pure awe, spring was getting closer as days went by but still the ice was thick.

They began the march from the rocky shore up the cliffside, "I will admit it, Matthias, but your home is absolutely beautiful." she said right beside him, doing everything to not slip as they climbed.

"but how the fuck did you manage to live and climb, it's freezing and slippery- ah!" she yelped once her foot got stuck, Jesper started laughing like an idiot but immediately fell once the snow was suddenly on his mouth, Zaria threw a ball of snow straight into his mouth.

"can someone help? please?" she exclaimed trying to get her foot out, Inej and Nina were laughing so hard and slapping each other, and Wylan was chuckling and helping Jesper who was getting rid of the snow, even Kaz had a small smile on his lips as he admired her.

Matthias chuckled and reached over, grabbing her arm and pulling her out easily, Zaria immediately grabbed snow and threw it over at the girls who not once stopped laughing, "it's not funny!"

"It is!"

The black-haired girl huffed and made another snowball, The ones from the freshly fallen flakes burst open on impact, showering crystalline fragments that glint in the wintry light, she was still behind as they watched the Ferolind from afar.

frantically making a stockpile to retaliate with, Zaria crept behind and started throwing at each of them, "It's called Revenge, fuckers!" she exclaimed, laughing like a mad woman.

Kaz grunted and turned around death glaring at the girl who was already looking at him with annoyance, running his hand through his hair to get rid of the snow he watched as she laughed at Nina.

Inej was holding her stomach while wiping away the tears, and Jesper was desperately trying to make a snowball to throw at her but failing every time.

Soon the laughter died down, Zaria still chuckling quietly to herself and suddenly his eyes met hers, he couldn't break eye contact, it was as if someone was forcibly holding his head.

Dark brown eyes sparkled in joy, the bright smile fading slowly, snow on her ravishing black locks making her look as angelic as ever, her nose was slightly pink due to the cold along with her cheeks, he was studying every part of her face and the way the snow fell on her pretty face.

She looked like an absolute princess.

And Zaria did the same thing, but as soon as she caught Kaz Brekker's eyes watching her, she started blushing like an idiot, heat rushed through her veins warming her freezing body, Kaz thought that it was due to the air slapping her cheeks but not because of him.

Zaria studied him, the way the snow fell on his hair she desperately wanted to run her hands through, his black coat that looked warm and she wanted to wrap herself around and just fall asleep to his perfume.

They could hear their fast heartbeats echoing in their ears as they stared at each other, but of course, they had to break eye contact, Kaz finally looked away once hearing Inej talk.

Yet Zaria not once looked away, instead, she tilted her head to get a better look, his skin was pale but it suddenly turned into the prettiest and most invisible shade of pink, it made her grin and look away.

She was falling in love, oh saints, she really is falling for the bastard of the barrel.

once she looked away she was met by Matthias's amused grin and raised eyebrow, he was watching her quietly the entire time, "what?" she asked in a harsh whisper jogging to catch up with him.

"What?" she repeated putting her hand in her pocket to warm them up, They all left their precious weapons back at the boat and Zaria was starting to miss her dagger and the heavy feeling of her rifle.

"nothing. You look like you're about to die," said Matthias, glancing over at the girl who was a shivering mess and using his body as a shield, to stop the sharp wind from slapping her cheeks.

"Because I AM about to die! but seriously how the fuck can you survive this?" her accent was thick as she let out a few zemeni curses, Matthias felt some small measure of sympathy, but as they trekked through the morning, he had to admit he enjoyed seeing the canal rats shiver and struggle a bit for once.

He was leading them proudly even if Jesper was the one holding the compass, Zaria was by his side, "Put your..." Matthias paused and had to gesture to Wylan. He didn’t know the Kerch word for ‘goggles’ or even ‘snow’, for that matter.

Zaria chuckled at his attempt to find the right words but immediately pressed her lips into a line at his glare, she didn't know the Kerch word for goggles too.

"Keep your eyes covered, or you could damage them permanently." Men went blind this far north; they lost lips, ears, noses, hands, and feet.

Zaria wrapped the black jacket tighter around her, the buttons were painful as she tried to close the jacket, her fingers froze and she couldn't feel them and it was very painful.

But to Matthias it was beautiful. The ice bore the spirit of Djel. It had color and shape and even a scent if you knew to seek it out. "Lucky you, you are at home. What are you feeling right now?" asked the black-haired girl after staying silent for almost an hour.

Matthias glanced at the girl before behind, no one seemed to care about their conversation, he felt bad about her, her lips quivered, her hands trembled and she was scrunching her nose.

"It feels good to be here.." he replied looking around with a small smile, "you are not used to the cold, are you?" he asked again watching as she pinched the bridge of her nose to feel at least something.

"No... Novyi Zem is always warm and even if snow falls sometimes, it's not like here." she replied smiling at the memory, Matthias nodded at her, "you were staring, you know?"

"staring at who?"

"Demjin." It took her a hot second to realize who he was talking about, and once she remembered what it meant she started laughing, "Demjin? I like that, I'll call him that from now on, you should teach me Fjerdan!" she exclaimed like a child.

The druskelle narrowed his eyes at her weirdly, "I think the weather changes your mood, you sound like a child." that made her stop and look at him in disbelief.

"I know you did not just call me a child. just because we are in your country doesn't mean I can't kill you, Helvar!!" she shouted at him crossing her arms in front of her chest.

She really looked like a kid, her cheeks were rosy and squishy due to the jacket wrapped around her tightly and pushing her cheeks slightly up.

Matthias rolled his eyes at her playfully and Jesper smiled at his best friend before wrapping his arm around her shoulders pulling her closer to warm her up.

When the sun began to set, they ate their rations of dried beef and hardtack and collapsed into their tents without a word, Zaria, on the other hand, couldn't sleep, she couldn't even close her eyes and if she did, the horrifying image of that night was the first thing she saw and it made her open her eyes and look around.

The only sound was the shattering of her teeth and shuffling.

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A/N: I love the friendship between Matthias and Zaria, love them sm<3 Also Kaz is giving the silent treatment.