Chapter 37: Fairytale

I'm proud of this chapter, so pls i am begging leave some comments<3

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Zaria did everything to get rid of the voices in her head, drink, train, even smoke.

she did drugs, she's not going to lie and say she didn't, she did, twice and regretted it.

sure, it made her feel a weird sense of happiness and intense excitement, that for a second she forgot how horrible her life became after the loss of her father.

but she hated it, she started to focus on her sister, her stepmother, and even her life, Zaria tried her best to enjoy her life but it was way too boring for her to change anything and make it even more fun.

Until she came to Ketterdam.

Moving to another country was never in her plans nor, meeting a deadly gang, catching feelings for the leader who always kept things for himself, a leader who she knows nothing about, helping him on a heist that will likely get her killed.

but if there was anything that she didn't regret, was leaving her country where most of her memories happened to another; known for being the home of criminals.

she felt free, for once in her life, she is doing whatever she wants and traveling alone. she has friends, friends who understand her. and that's all that mattered for now.

"It’s a risk," said Kaz finally breaking eye contact with her, Zaria sighed heavily before running a hand through her hair, "What job isn’t?" she said stretching and yawning.

"Kaz, how are you and Matthias going to get through?" asked Nina frowning and waving her arms around, "We might need you for locks, and if things go bad on the island, I don’t want to be stranded. I doubt you can pass yourselves off as members of the Menagerie."

"That shouldn’t be a problem," said Kaz barely glancing at Matthias, "Helvar ’s been holding out on us." Matthias tensed at the mention of his name.

"Have you?" asked the suli girl, "It’s not-" Matthias dragged a hand over his cropped hair, "How do you know these things, demjin?" he growled at Kaz.

Zaria leaned against the wall with a cunning grin, "You know, Matthias, demjin knows everything about everyone, so this isn't a surprise."

Kaz's piercing glare turned toward her but she barely even cared, instead, she grinned wickedly at him making him even more annoyed, first Matthias calling him that, and now her challenging him.

"Actually, it's called Logic, Isla. The whole Ice Court is a masterpiece of fail-safes and doubled systems. That glass bridge is impressive, but in an emergency, there would have to be another way to get reinforcements to the White Island and get the royal family out."

"yes," said Matthias in exasperation, "There’s another way to the White Island. But it’s messy." wit that He glanced at Nina, "And it certainly can’t be done in a gown." 

Zaria and Nina looked at each other before rolling their eyes at the same time, before Nina could say a word, Jesper interrupted.

"Hold on, Who cares if you can all get onto the White Island? Let’s say Nina sparkles Yul-Bayur ’s location out of some Fjerdan higher-up, and you get him back here. We’ll be trapped. By then, the prison guards will have completed their search and are going to know six inmates got out of the sector somehow. Any chance we have of making it through the embassy gates and the checkpoints will be gone."

Jesper was flirty and a teasing person but under all that, he was very smart and sharp and Zaria never felt more proud.

Kaz peered past the dome to the embassy’s open courtyard and the ringwall gatehouse beyond, "Wylan, how hard would it be to disable one of these gates?" 

"to get it open," he asked, "No, to keep it closed."

"You mean to break it?" Wylan shrugged, "I don’t think it would be too difficult. I couldn’t see the mechanism when we entered the prison gate, but from the layout, I’m guessing it’s pretty standard." 

"Pulleys, cogs, some really big screws?"

"Well, yes, and a sizeable winch. The cables wrap around it like a big spool, and the guards just turn it with some kind of handle or wheel." replied Wylan earning a small scoff from Kaz, "I know how a winch works. Can you take one apart?"

Zaria opened her mouth to snap at him for being an asshole, but Wylan spoke with annoyance clear in his tone, "I think so, but it’s the alarm system the cables are attached to that’s complicated. I doubt I could do it without triggering Black Protocol."

Zaria's mouth dropped in shock at the merchant's tone even Jesper's eyes were wide, she leaned in close to the zemeni boy, "your boyfriend is learning from the best." she whispered.

and Jesper didn't say anything except watch his boy in pure shock, he was admiring him, and no one dared to speak to Kaz Brekker like that (except for Zaria and Nina), especially him, he never raised his voice at his boss.

he couldn't, Kaz was like his brother.

But Wylan, the boy who blushed every time he flirted with was now giving an attitude to Kaz Brekker, Jesper could feel heat rush through his veins warming him up completely, and he gulped.

Was Wylan always this handsome? is he going to heaven? the light kissed the boy's skin so ravishingly that Jesper could feel his eyes studying every inch and feature of the boy's face, stopping at his lips that were pulled into a scowl.

His cheeks reddened and Zaria grinned widely at the sight of her best friend with hearty eyes, he was reddening like an idiot.

"Good," said Kaz, "Then that’s what we’ll do." that snapped the sharpshooter out of his thoughts as he forcibly tore his eyes away from Wylan.

Jesper held up a hand, "I’m sorry, isn’t Black Protocol the thing we want to avoid at all costs?" he asked, "I do seem to remember something about certain doom." said Nina looking at the crows.

"Not if we use it against them. Tonight, most of the Court’s security is concentrated on the White Island and right here at the embassy. When Black Protocol sounds, the glass bridge will shut down, trapping all those guards on the island along with the guests."

Zaria tried to understand the plan, Kaz was talking too fast and she really tried to rethink what he said, she had a slow mind, okay?!

"They can’t move a major force that way," Matthias conceded, "At least not quickly." Kaz made a face, he gazed out at the White Island, head tilted, eyes slightly unfocused. 

"Scheming face," Inej murmured facing Zaria who was staring with red cheeks, "definitely." both she and Jesper nodded and replied in unison, she was going to miss that look.

This boy pissed her off, they got into lots of arguments but deep down they will always think of one another no matter what.

she climbed the incinerator wearing Kaz's gloves for saint's sake! because she wanted to somehow feel like he protect her even if not around.

"Three gates in the ringwall," Kaz said suddenly meeting her eyes, Zaria immediately felt the blood rush through her veins to her face, and she looked away in embarrassment.

"The prison gate is already locked up tight because of Yellow Protocol. The embassy gate is a bottleneck crammed with guests – the Fjerdans aren’t going to get troops through there. Jesper, that just leaves the gate in the drüskelle sector for you and Wylan to handle. You use it to engage Black Protocol, then wreck it. Break it badly enough that any guards who manage to mobilize can’t get out to follow us."

"I'm all for locking the Fjerdans in their own ‘fortress'," said Jesper with a wicked grin barely visible, "Truly. But how do we get out? Once we trigger Black Protocol, you guys will be trapped on that island, and we'll be trapped in the outer circle. We have no weapons and no demo materials."

Kaz’s grin was sharp as a razor and Zaria swore the entire world started spinning and she almost fainted, her knees were suddenly weak and her body was going off like a firecracker.

she wanted to give herself to the Fjerdans now.

"Thank goodness we’re proper thieves. We’re going to do a little shopping – and it’s all going on Fjerda’s tab. Isla," he said pulling her out of her thoughts, "let’s start with something shiny."

he was doing it on purpose, he knew that his smile would make her melt, will make her forgive him easily, oh so now he was talking to her.

she didn't reply instead just chewed on her lower lip and avoided his eyes, Beside the big glass dome, Kaz laid out the details of what he had in mind. If the old plan had been daring, it had at least been built on stealth. The new plan was audacious, maybe even mad.

They wouldn’t just be announcing their presence to the Fjerdans, they’d be trumpeting it. Again, the crew would be separated, and again, they would time their movements to the chiming of the Elderclock, but now there would be even less room for error.

she was ready for this, what would her stepmother and sister think? what would Appa think or say? they are probably worried sick by now.

While Kaz explained, and Jesper used the laundry shears to portion out pieces of rope, Wylan helped Inej and Nina prepare. To pass as members of the Menagerie, they would need tattoos. 

they started with Nina and then Zaria, Wylan sketched a second peacock feather over her brown skin, "take care of that jerk for me, yeah?" she whispered looking up at the boy who avoided her eyes.

"why me?"

Zaria chuckled softly, "Wylan, honey because he likes you." Jesper was going to kill her for saying such a thing but if she didn't say it then neither will anytime soon.

Wylan blushed and didn't say another word, Zaria was like a sister to him and not once did he dare to say something, the Squaller cupped Wylan's cheek with a soft smile.

"thank you, for everything, Wylan." The boy immediately smiled back and put his on top of hers, "be safe." she nodded before getting up.

Finally, they stood. Inej had predicted that the Menagerie would arrive late, and Tante Heleen loved to make an entrance, but they still needed to be in position and ready to move when the time came.

And yet, they hesitated. The knowledge that they might never see each other again, that some of them, maybe all of them, might not survive this night hung heavy in the air. 

A gambler, a convict, a wayward son, a lost Grisha, a Suli girl who had become a killer, a runaway Grisha who risked everything for the people she cared for and got her hands dirtier, a boy from the Barrel who had become something worse.

Zaria looked at her strange crew, barefoot and shivering in their soot-stained prison uniforms, their features limned by the golden light of the dome, softened by the mist that hung in the air.

one last time.

What bound them together? Greed? Desperation? Was it just the knowledge that if one or all of them disappeared tonight, no one would come looking? 

Inej’s mother and father might still shed tears for the daughter they’d lost, but if Inej died tonight, there would be no one to grieve for the girl she was now. 

She had no family, no parents or siblings (Zaria and Nina were her only sisters), and only people to fight beside. Maybe that was something to be grateful for, too.

Tamaya would be so heartbroken to find out that her sister died, stepmother would fall into depression once again, and Zaria didn't want that, not after years of helping her heal.

It was Jesper who spoke first, "No mourners," he said with a grin, hey she's probably gonna die tonight might as well join their little ritual, "No funerals," they replied in unison. Even Matthias muttered the words softly.

"If any of you survive, make sure I have an open casket," Jesper said as he hefted two slender coils of rope over his shoulder and signaled for Wylan to follow him across the roof, "The world deserves a few more moments with this face."

Zaria chuckled softly and called out for him, "Hey! you can be very dumb sometimes and get into deep shit, be careful." Jesper turned back around and with a few grand steps, he pulled her into a tight hug, twirling her around.

and Kaz wished he was Jesper at the moment, holding her so tightly that she will never vanish from his eyes, she pulled away cupping the boy's cheeks just like his mother sued to do, he was beaming but tears blurred his vision.

"Are you sure? I mean-"

"Jesper, stop it, I am so sure but I need you to listen to me." Jesper nodded and took a deep breath, preparing for whatever she was going to say, "if I don't make it.." she didn't have to finish her words before the boy shook his head.

he didn't want to lose her and he was so scared, his heart hammering against his chest in fear, he already lost his mother, he will not lose her too and if he did, he will never forgive himself.

"you will make it." he said making her roll her eyes, "stop. let me finish, if I don't, maybe, I need you to visit Tamaya and tell her everything, and please visit Appa's grave, okay?"

he tried to shake his head, convince her that she will make it, that they will all make it, they are the crows, a family, but he nodded either way.

"I promise..."

Inej was only slightly surprised to see the intensity of the look that passed between Matthias and Nina. Something had changed between them after the battle with the Shu, but Inej couldn't be sure what. 

Matthias cleared his throat and gave Nina an awkward little bow, "A word?" he asked avoiding her eyes that he loved so much. Nina returned the bow with considerably more panache, and let him lead her away.

Zaria shot Nina a wink before giving Jesper one last hug, Inej was talking to Kaz and his eyes suddenly went to her, what was he talking about?

Inej walked towards the zemenis, "Kaz wants to talk." With a wink she walked away and Zaria immediately made her way towards the Bastard of the Barrel.

"So..." she started not once meeting his eyes, Kaz stared ahead, "so." He replied making her scoff.

"Inej is taking her share and leaving the Dregs as soon as we get home." We. So it's a we now?

"She's right, she have the right." Replied Zaria glancing at Inej who was staring at her wrist as if she wasn't staring at the two.

"Are you leaving too?" Are you leaving me too? He wanted to ask but kept his mouth shut, "well, mama will 100% be worried, of course. I'm the reason they left home anyways." She replied.

Kaz looked down at her, saints he will never stop thinking about how stunning she is, the light kissing her brown skin that reminded him of caramel on top of thosd delicious ice creams.

"Look, I know we argue a lot but—" she cut him off, "oh Kaz, stop it, you can be a pain in the ass but I don't care, I agreed to help you. That's all."

Well, helping him, is not by catching feelings and making him think about nothing but her. Her. Her.

"I have something for you," she said as she pulled his leather gloves from the sleeve of her prison tunic. He stared at them.

"How-" he started, "Inej got them from the discarded clothes. Before we made the climb."

"Six stories in the dark." She nodded, she didn't want nkd aajr for thanks, not for the climb, or the gloves, or for anything.

He tried to picture her wearing his gloves but immediately shook his head, Kaz pulled the gloves on slowly, and she watched his pale, vulnerable hands disappear beneath the leather.

They were trickster hands – long, graceful fingers made for prying open locks, hiding coins, making things vanish.

Oh, to have those fingers wrapped around hers, locked, that not even he can pry them open.

She looked up from his hand she desperately wanted to hold in hers and met his bitter coffee eyes she adored more than anything.

She opened her mouth, wanting to utter 3 words, but immediately closed it smiling sadly, the fairytale ended, not a happy ending like the ones she read were a knight fought a dragon to marry the love his of life.

This one was sad, sorrowful, as if it was laughing at her for expecting such an ending, calling her a fool for believing in such things.

Being in love with a fairytale even though it hurts.

Saints, that sentence. She lost him, for good, she was going to die, without telling him about her feelings, she was meeting her father.

After years of suffering because of the voices haunting her mind, they seemed to vanish as if they never existed when she was with him.

He scared them away, he made her feel safe, he made her feel things she didn't feel for years. And she was thankful for that, even if he will not return her love, she was thankful for that and glad he's the one to own that heart of hers.

The champagne eyes everyone loved were back after years, happiness and admiration were filling her heart, making her warm.

She was the real Zaria. The kind Zaria her father remembers and from before his death.

It was time to go, "saints' speed, Kaz." Just as she was about to walk away, Dirtyhands snagged her wrist and she froze, her whole body tensing and burning hot as if someone was currently cooking.

"Zaria." He knows how to say her name, he knows how to make her melt, make her feel those butterflies or whatever you call them.

Her eyes dropped to his lips and oxygen suddenly vanished, they stared for a hot second before back up to his eyes.

Kaz did the same, fighting every demon dragging him down, and he looked deep into her eyes.

What does thid girl do that make his demons suddenly disappear, they were screaming into his ear, their screech echoing around his mind but when they made eye contact- poof! they vanished like dust.

He knew how to make her feel hope rustling its wings inside her, ready to take flight at the right words from Kaz.

She willed that hope into stillness. Those words would never come.

His gloved thumb moved over her pulse and traced the top of the feather tattoo, "If we don’t make it out, I want you to know..."

She waited patiently, she will leave until he tells her so, Zaria could feel her soul leaving and dancing with his, her heart hammered against her chest it felt like Nina was doing it on purpose.

Her blood was hot under her caramel skin, and for once in her entire life, the last 11 months almost one year, she touched him. She's the one touching him now.

She reached up and touched his jaw, only his jaw, not daring to move any further, not to make him uncomfortable.

She thought he might flinch again, even knocking her hand away.

this was the first time she had touched him skin to skin, without the barrier of gloves or coat or shirtsleeve, and no way in hell is she going to make him uncomfortable, she wanted him to remember it.

Cherish it, anything.

She mostly held him by the sleeve for saints sake, even that day in the wagon, she held him by the sleeve, not anywhere else, not even his wrist. His sleeve.

Her thumb brushed over a faint scar on his jaw, his skin was cool and damp from the rain and each touch, felt like a burn against his jaw leaving a mark.

Her hand was warm this time, thanks to his gloves from earlier and the heat when climbing, and he stayed still, but she saw a tremor pass through him, as if he were waging a war with himself.

Zaria Isla was touching him, he let her touch him, and Kaz wanted to grab her hand and place it on his cheek but not once did he move an inch.

He wanted to flutter his eyes shut and lean against his hand, let the warmth consume him and fight his cold demons, her voice saved him, so does her touch, right?

"If we don't survive this night, I..." no. Don't say it, don't you dare say it, don't you dare utter those 3 words, it's too soon.

"I have been hoping for more than that, and always will.." she whispered keeping eye contact. That sentence.

Her thumb caressing his skin like a feather, he could see the tears in the corners of her champagne eyes as she smiled at him.

Oh her smile. It showed him the entire world, his whole future. She was the moon to his dark life, it is said that the moon reaches the darkest corners and shows you the way back home.

Zaria Isla was his moon.

"and I will die unafraid, Kaz. Can you say the same?" She asked tilting her head and her inky hair falling like a black ocean.

His eyes were nearly black, the pupils dilated. She could see it took every last bit of his terrible will for him to remain frozen beneath her touch. Her warm touch.

And yet, he did not pull away. She knew it was the best he could offer. It was not enough. She dropped her hand.

He took a deep breath, even if her hand dropped to her side he could still feel her fingertips on his skin, Kaz didn’t want Inej's prayers and didn't believe in the saints, but she wished him safe nonetheless.

She let out a deep breath she didn't know she was holding, blinking away the tears, she took few steps back.

And with one last soft look, she walked away, her pinky reaching to intertwine with his for the last time and he did the same.

Yet they did not touch, this time.

Her peachy scent making him close his eyes shut tightly as he tried to register what just happened.

"Please. My Saints, you can take my soul if you wish tonight but I am begging you, please...keep him safe and the others. Make this heist go well." She whispered eith her hands clasped together.

She thought of her father, "I hope you are proud of me, Appa." She whispered before joining Inej and Nina who grinned widely as soon as she appeared.

They witnessed the whole scene while hiding, of course, Nina heard both their heart beats and for a second she thought that she never heard a heart go this fast.

The trio were at the edge of the dome to await the arrival of the Menagerie. The dome was wide and shallow, all silver filigree and glass.

Inej saw there was a mosaic on the floor of the vast rotunda below. It appeared in brief flashes between partygoers – two wolves chasing each other, destined to move in circles for as long as the Ice Court stood.

Let's just hope this goes well. As long as she tries to stop thinking about what just happened (impossible).

But if they both don't make it — dear lord, when I get to heaven, please let me bring my man.

Zaria loved Kaz Brekker in every way possible, but no way in hell they're going to heaven.

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A/N: Yes. Zaria and Kaz supremacy, i really want to be Kaz ngl.
YES. I AM IN LOVE WITH MY OWN CHARACTER.