Its storytelling style stripped down to the least; so simple yet filled with oceans of emotions. A storyline was so well written; told in such a soft, muted tone similar to a quiet whisper; or series of memories panels running through a person's head. The movie felt both real and dreamlike at the same time, almost as if they were memories hidden in the back of my head yet belongs to someone else. The anime ached my heart even days after finishing it.

That's what Doukyuusei was.

+ The feelings:

Doukyuusei is fulfilling yet painful to me. As writing these words I am currently a high school student; eleventh grade. In short, I'm of Sajou's and Kusakabe's age.

I felt their anxiety whilst thinking about the future. I deeply understand the fear of reaching the end of their carefree days. Also the questioning of the sustainability of a relationship between two on-their-own-growing-journal humans. In other words: part of why Doukyuusei is so appealing to me is the relatability of its. I got it; I cried about it; happy tears rather than sad ones for a love so innocent and so pure. I cried for two well depicted coming-of-age characters that truly made each other whole. That is the fulfilling part of the anime to me.

The painful feelings regarding Doukyuusei come mostly from my real-life struggles. I'm a high school student. So in theory: this should be the time for me to experience the carefree, reckless kind of love close to what Sajou and Kusakabe have. I want it, truly. But I couldn't have the ones I wanted and those who wanted me could not trigger my emotions. I'm in an ever-ending dilemma when it comes to love.

+ The beauty:

A simplified yet charismatic style of art. How the animators went for watercolor put me in awe. They gave Doukyuusei such dreamlike quality which was also part of what made the anime feel so real. It truly felt like we viewers were directly watching scenes flashed through one or both of the main characters' eyes. I felt like the memories were mine to smile at; to recall.

A love story would never be such impactful if not for the depth of characters. Both Sajou and Kusakabe have their own inner conflicts and interests outside of their relationship. In fact, it was their differences that pulls them toward each other. They both wants to learn about a world so different from theirs; so they just kept looking in each other's direction. One thing lead to another and love struck them both.

A thing I love most about the anime is how Kusakabe - the one supposed to be the top; the should be a more powerful one in the relationship - is so vulnerable and open about his feelings. He was the first one to cry almost every time. Kusakabe was clingy and need lots of emotional support. He wanted to be affectionate, yet afraid that it would annoy Sajou. And even in the later stages of their relationship, he was still suppressing his needs in fear of being tired of by the beloved one. It was all until the kiss Sajou gave Kusakabe in public near the ending of the movie that set him free. It was an assurance: that Sajou loves and needs him just as much as the "shinkai" of his feelings.

Sajou is equally interesting. He had plans and Kusakabe didn't fit into them. But no matter how many adjustments Sajou made; he couldn't have quite enough of his boyfriend. In the end, Sajou finally understands that both he and Kusakabe have to be willing to move time and space to fit the other in their lives. It's small sacrifices you made for love; to keep your loved ones around and "occupation to beloved".

Also, Sajou was independent - which is part of why we viewers and Kusakbe love him; but he was so independent to the point of shutting others out of his world and found it difficult to let anyone lend him a hand. Well, in the end, he learned to receive the love and help from his beloved ofc.

It's not like they are soulmates and understand each other very well. They're just sort of fit.


(written in late 2020)