All quoted sentences can be found on the Naruto Wiki.  

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Orochimaru's a fuck and Hiruzen's a shitty Hokage. Here's why.

In the first paragraph of the Naruto Wikipedia it states, in the second sentence, that "with a life-ambition to learn all of the world's secrets, Orochimaru seeks immortality so that he might live all of the lives necessary to accomplish his task."—which means he wants to live long enough to conduct every single experiment he put his mind to. He "...[performs] unethical experiments on his fellow citizens for the sake of immortality..." which I still don't understand what the big deal is for villains in story lines. For Orochimaru, he's scared of death when he's surrounded by it every day and is also the one inflicting it on others whose time clearly hadn't come. In theory, it should've made him more comfortable with it, but I suppose people will always be complicated in the way one person will never fully understand another. He's scared that he's going to die, but he's selfish. Selfish, selfish, selfish. He had no right to kill for the sake of himself and I still don't know why he thought he was so entitled to do so.

After he's caught red-handed for his crimes, literally red-handed, he escapes and makes one of his goals to "...[seek] the village's destruction in order to take revenge and demonstrate what he had learned." So instead of growing up in a profession that literally has 'death' in its hazard list, he decides to act like a child put in time out and seeks revenge because he got caught doing something he knew was wrong. Boo-hoo. Sorry they want to put your dumbass in prison because you thought kidnapping children was okay.

But, it turns out he's actually always been this way. "According to Tsunade, Orochimaru had a twisted personality even as a child." Uh, no red flags? No motion to put him under a psyche evaluation? No thought that 'hey, maybe this kid's unstable and maybe we shouldn't teach him how to kill people and break things so that he doesn't grow up to kill our people and break our things?' That's only another flaw in testament to Konoha's Shinobi System, or any other Shinobi System in general.

Why are children with obvious traumas and crippling shortcomings allowed to become shinobi in the first place?

(Not to mention the whole child soldiers thing that encompasses the entirety of the Naruto series, but that's a discussion for another time.)

"His sadistic attitude was presumably due to the death of his parents," says the wiki. So he's bitter. It's still not an excuse. "At some point after losing them, Orochimaru found a white snake near his parents' grave, with Hiruzen's explanation of it representing fortune and rebirth inspiring Orochimaru to study kinjutsu and obtain knowledge of all techniques, (Naruto Chapter 344, Page 16). Jiraiya theorised that Orochimaru went down this path in an attempt to forget his painful memories."

In an attempt to forget his painful memories. So Hiruzen and Jiraiya and Tsunade, all people who had to be within close distance with Orochimaru whether they liked him or not, noticed all these things about him. They noticed he was suffering from the loss of his parents and they noticed that there was something very clearly wrong with him. If his memories were so painful, he should've gotten help, not been given a knife and a duty to protect his village at what, ten, twelve years old? He's still a kid, prodigy or not. And even if he's a genius, or someone whose "...talents, knowledge, and determination were considered by Hiruzen to be that of a prodigy seen only once in a generation." (Naruto Chapter 122, Page 7). Orochimaru was kept as a shinobi because he was rare and useful, his questionable sanity and obvious need for help pushed aside.

Orochimaru was a complex character, I'm not denying that, with "... his horror for Tsunade losing Nawaki and later shedding tears when she lost Dan, implies that Orochimaru grew to disdain the fragility of human life and how it affected those still living, which led him to desire immortality. To that end, the primary purpose of Orochimaru's human experimentation is to test what modifications the human body can endure and harness a subject's unique abilities for himself. Once accomplishing this goal, Orochimaru had hoped to be worthy of the title of "ultimate being", unable to die and able to achieve his secondary goal to learn every ninja technique in the world, which would normally take many lifetimes to obtain." But with being ever-so complex he developed a complex of his own, according to Sasuke: "... becoming cruel with any good he had as a member of Team Hiruzen gone, Orochimaru's agenda made him develop a god complex and valued himself while delighting in striking terror in his first impressions."

Now, I'm not excusing Orochimaru for his actions because he is, quite clearly, a fuck. He doesn't deserve to be redeemed, he doesn't deserve to be pitied, and he doesn't deserve the chances of freedom that he was given. He's smart enough and coherent enough to know what he's doing, why he's doing it, and how he's doing it, but part of the fault lies with Konoha and its people to not notice him going down that path in the first place.

He was once a child that lost everything. But then Konoha said fuck it and gave him the tools he needed to carry out his plans. Then you'd think they could've learned from that mistake and put up some protocols in place to prevent anyone else from becoming someone like him in the first place with, let's say, a new sector in the village that deals with traumatized children (who shouldn't have been put in the position to be traumatized in the first place) or make a series of tests to see if someone was emotionally and mentally stable enough to take the weight of their profession on their shoulders.

But you know, this is a corrupt government, so of course they don't.

Ex 1: Kakashi. Too many issues to list, caught up in the past, was in ANBU for over a decade and has a warped personality because of it. Solution: put him in charge of three impressionable children he has no business taking care of because he can barely take care of himself.

What the fuck.

Ex 2: Sasuke. Saw dead bodies of all his clan members, betrayed by the person he loved the most, grew up with an obsession to kill said person without regard to peers. Solution: put him under an emotionally brutalized teacher so he can learn how to control both his death eyes and the ability to gather lightning in his hands as his ultimate death move.

What the fuck.

But I digress, this is the Hiruzen-Orochimaru Predicament, not the What-The-Fuck-Was-Team-Seven Predicament, so we'll continue on.

"Some time after Team Hiruzen was disbanded, Orochimaru became an Anbu member and joined Root to work directly under Danzo Shimura, while also becoming a mentor to Anko Mitarashi." Okay, I'm not saying that's a bad idea, but that's a fucking bad idea. So Hiruzen (don't worry buddy, I'll get to your bullshit fuckery in a minute) just allowed his student that he knows has issues to work under someone with even bigger issues? Issues plus issues is just more issues that he himself is going to have to deal with the consequences of later (oh BOY DOES HE) and that's okay? Well I guess the secret to committing treason is to be close to the Hokage because if you are, you get treated to favoritism and don't get as bad of a sentence you're supposed to receive.

(Did Sasuke even get punished for his actions?)

Okay, so if this whole Orochimaru and Danzo thing goes well (it doesn't) and it somehow doesn't ruin Konoha (it does), certainly it couldn't get worse, could it?

"While Orochimaru's ambition did include becoming the Fourth Hokage, he intended to use the title for his own agenda." (Naruto Chapter 121, Page 7)

Excuse me. What?

"Though Hiruzen knew the potential evil his former pupil had in him, he hoped to stir Orochimaru from the path before slowly realizing that he was beyond anyone's help." (Naruto Chapter 122, Page 7)

Get quicker on the fucking uptake. You're not just a regular shinobi, you're the Hokage.

"When Hiruzen finally named Minato Namikaze his successor, Orochimaru saw no more reason to remain in Konoha and began to be less discreet with his actions. (Naruto Chapter 116, Page 3) This led to his experimentation on Hashirama Senju's DNA with sixty children he kidnapped to recreate the First's Wood Release, having help from Danzo. (Naruto Shippuden Episode 351)"

Let me try to break this down, because even this is starting to make my brain hurt a bit. First, Hiruzen approves (re: allows) Orochimaru to be taken under Danzo, the rat of a human being and leader of the absolutely illegal Root organization. Second, even then he still hoped that he could make Orochimaru his successor. The Fourth Hokage.

Hiruzen wanted to make Orochimaru the Fourth Hokage.

You're fucking kidding me, right?

Third, once Minato becomes Hokage instead, Orochimaru was able to experiment on sixty children he kidnapped with Danzo's help because he gave even less of a fuck now, if it was even possible.

"Orochimaru performed various experiments on his prisoners, some being fellow Konoha shinobi he kidnapped. He used them as human guinea pigs to develop techniques that would grant him immortality, the end result being Living Corpse Reincarnation. [...] Unable to enter Sage Mode because of the fragility of his host body, Orochimaru instead developed an alternate method of harnessing his senjutsu chakra through cursed seals, which he tested on Anko and several others before eventually using the finalised versions on Kimimaro and the Sound Four."

Orochimaru has the moral compass of a potato and the empathy of a bag of shit, but miraculously, I'm not as upset with him as I am with Hiruzen. Because you know, of course the rabbit hole just gets fucking deeper and deeper.

Enter: Hiruzen. A useless, spineless, fool who shouldn't have been a Hokage in the first place.

Hiruzen is by no means a pushover in terms of being a regular force shinobi. He's powerful, extremely so if he earned the nickname the 'God of Shinobi' (how fucking presumptuous) and he's a force to be trifled with out on the field. "Hiruzen was part of the first generation of ninja produced by Konoha and he, Homura Mitokado, and Koharu Utatane were placed under the tutelage of Tobirama Senju," says the wiki. "Hiruzen early on displayed prodigious talent in the ninja arts—" ah, the plight of the prodigy, here again— "earning him additional training from Hashirama Senju, the First Hokage (Naruto Chapter 119, Page 14); at the same time, Danzo became jealous of Hiruzen's skills and started a one-sided rivalry in effort to surpass him."

(Will we ever be free of the Naruto-Sasuke conflict narrative? Like, ever?)

"In the anime, Hiruzen permitted Danzō to create Root - a more ruthless subdivision of the Anbu under Danzō's exclusive control - shortly after he became Hokage in order to balance the shortcomings of his empathetic rule. For years he had ignored Root's questionable foreign ops, its abduction of children, and the actions it took against Konoha personnel, Hiruzen included." (Naruto Shippuden Episode 351)

Wait, wait, wait.

You've got to be shitting me.

Fine. Here's where I start to get real pissed off.

Root is an organization created by Danzo to cater to Danzo's whims and to carry out missions that Danzo deems is fit to support Konoha. After all, one of their core values is that Root operatives are "the unseen ones who support the great tree of Konoha from the depths of the earth" (Naruto Chapter 285, Page 12). That sounds suspiciously like the words of a Kage trying to do the best for their village. I'm not saying he's a great guy because he has as much sense as his right eye (which he doesn't use), but he's the balance to Hiruzen's empathetic negligence.

And man, what negligence that was.

For one, Hiruzen permitted children to be kidnapped. Children, to be stolen from their homes in order for Root to have their operatives. These operatives would then have a cursed seal imprinted on their tongues so they could never incriminate Danzo or the organization they were forced to be a part of (Naruto Chapter 452, Pages 8-9). Not only did he rob these kids of their families and childhoods, but he made it his goal to rid their emotions, sense of sentiment, and emotional attachment (Naruto Chapter 303, Page 9). Danzo didn't want people to work under him, he wanted shells that would never question him.

"Each member had a codename; even the members themselves apparently did not know their original names," the wiki states.

What was a person, in essence, when they didn't even have a name to call themselves by? That's the first thing a person is given right after they take their first breath of millions, and these children don't even have that.

Hiruzen allowed all of this because of his 'shortcomings'. Empathetic, he was described as. But I find it hard to believe that an empathetic man can sit back and watch people lose their lives because he didn't know how to toughen up.

He's not empathetic, he's a coward.

And anyone who disagrees with me having read this far can fight me.

"Hiruzen led Konoha's forces through the Second and Third Shinobi World Wars; in the anime, his choosing to end the Third Shinobi World War by signing a peace treaty with Iwagakure despite the losses Konoha suffered incensed Danzō, prompting Hiruzen to step down as Hokage against the village's protests." (Naruto Shippuden Episode 349). There's a lot going on there, so let's pick that statement apart.

Konoha faced Iwa in the Third Shinobi World War. I won't get into what it was about, but this was the same time period that Obito had been 'killed' and Team Minato had been scarred for life. Hiruzen had enough of losing his shinobi to the enemy forces (many had died), so he proposed a peace treaty so the fighting could finally come to a hold. Danzo, understandably, was pissed and his view of the action could be summed up in two questions: Why should we propose a peace treaty when we're the ones suffering the losses? Why are you holding up the white flag in surrender when you're not doing what it takes to win?

Danzo brought up good points so Hiruzen stepped down despite the will of the people, marking two mistakes. One: he listened to Danzo who has no Hokage authority but is allowed to act like he has it in the first place. Two: he didn't listen to the people, those he should be serving, and ultimately lets them down in a way they never understand because all they've ever seen was a facade.

But Danzo isn't the only person he has troubles with. As detailed in the first three pages of this paper, Orochimaru was one of his main failures. "Hiruzen had long hoped that Orochimaru would succeed him as Hokage but, despite his best efforts, he could never convince him of the Will of Fire: that Konoha was a family that the Hokage had to risk everything to keep safe." (Naruto Chapter 121, Page 7)

Let me reiterate: Hiruzen wanted to make Orochimaru the Fourth Hokage. It's never said how many shinobi there are in Konoha or how many elites and Anbu operate within the village, but I think it's safe to assume there are at least ten other people more qualified for the position besides Orochimaru. Orochimaru, before his defection, was a Root member who worked under Danzo and suffered extensive trauma that didn't help him grow as a character. You're telling me he's qualified to be even considered as a Kage?

Low standards.

(Makes sense why Sasuke gets referred to as the "Supporting Kage" to Naruto's reign despite never being there for his family, having a list of crimes he's never punished for, and wanting to destroy Konoha for pinning his brother as a scapegoat after killing his brother and learning the truth from someone who's supposed to be dead. Did I get that right?

What the fuck Sasuke's wiki states he "...decides to return to Konoha and dedicates his life to help protect the village and its inhabitants..."

What a fucking trainwreck. I'd make a research paper for how much I hate his narrative if I was writing about him.)

Next, Hiruzen readily believes in the Will of Fire, that he has to protect Konoha because the village is a family, and who was he if he wasn't one to keep his family safe? Which he doesn't. Not in the slightest. Because if the head of a family allowed its children to be kidnapped and used for the 'greater good', I guarantee that person would've been arrested and jailed under normal circumstances. He denied his very philosophy the minute he allowed Danzo to create Root, so he had no right to spew this ideology that he very clearly never followed himself.

He also denies the Will of Fire by creating another main failure: the hate surrounding Naruto.

"Minato did not have time to tell Hiruzen how the Nine-Tails had escaped, instead using the final moments of his life to ask Konoha, via Hiruzen, to think of Naruto as a hero who saved the village and not the container of the monster that killed so many. Hiruzen did so, but the villagers proved unable to follow Minato's wishes, prompting Hiruzen, now the village's Hokage once more, to outlaw any mention of the Nine-Tails, an effort to protect Naruto from their misguided hate." (Naruto Chapter 2, Page 13)

Minato wanted to see his son as a hero. Fine, makes sense. But the villagers then create a mob mentality and begin to hate the child for being the embodiment of a monster who's killed so many, or so they believe, so Hiruzen outlaws the Nine-Tails to 'protect' Naruto. Protect? Ever since the first chapter of the book, the first episode of the series, we see that Naruto gets treated like absolute shit for something he had no control over. You can outlaw a name but you can't outlaw a feeling, leaving Naruto the receiving end of physical and emotional abuse from people he's sworn to protect as a functioning shinobi of Konoha.

Outlawing anything about the Nine-Tails did nothing. Hiruzen saw, and he did nothing in return.

(My blood pressure is rising. I hate this but I'll be damned if I stop now.)

"He also gave Naruto his mother's surname in order to hide his relation to Minato from Minato's enemies." (Naruto Chapter 440, Page 5)

Fuck you, Hiruzen. The first major villain that ever showed in the series was a pair of Kiri shinobi, then the entire Sand village, then your old student. Hiding Naruto's true heritage from Minato's heritage? Try hiding Sasuke's heritage from the Uchiha's old enemies, how about that? It's because of Sasuke's heritage too that gets him fucked over more times than he can count.

Did you even think that maybe, Naruto could've gotten even an ounce of credit and motivation knowing he was the son of a Kage? Or maybe tell someone the truth.

But instead, Hiruzen added Naruto's name to the list of the other children he'd failed and betrayed.

Here's the real kicker, though.

"Hiruzen was dismayed not only by Orochimaru's role or that he was experimenting on those he kidnapped, but also his reasons: to create an Eternal Youth and Immortality Technique. He attempted to apprehend Orochimaru, but could not bring himself to strike down his favourite student and allowed him to escape." (Naruto Chapter 122, Page 7)

That's it. The Third Hokage is cancelled. Take it back. I don't want it.

You're fucking telling me that after everything he knows Orochimaru's done and after everything he's allowed Danzo to do, he throws away the one thing he could've done to at least try and redeem himself? He lets Orochimaru go?

Let's draw a coherent timeline of fuckery, shall we? At least one that's compatible in terms of Hoshigaki.

1. The First Shinobi World War: Hiruzen is prodigious and trains under the First Hokage; Danzo is jealous.

2. During the Second Shinobi World War: Team Hiruzen. Orochimaru is noted as twisted and the seed of immortality is planted in his head because of Hiruzen.

3. The Beginning of the Third Hokage's Tenure: Danzo is permitted to create Root.

4. The End of the Third Shinobi World War: Hiruzen steps down due to Danzo's anger and appoints Minato after discovering Orochimaru would never change.

5. The Beginning of the Fourth Hokage's Tenure: Orochimaru stops caring about being subtle about his experiments and enlists Danzo's help to kidnap sixty children to try and fuse them with Hashirama's cells. Hiruzen catches him red-handed, but lets him go because he lacks the will to kill his old student. Orochimaru swears vengeance.

6. After the Fourth Dies: Hiruzen outlaws any mention of the Nine-Tails and changes Naruto's last name.

"Hiruzen is a firm believer in the Will of Fire, which holds that all the people of Konoha are a family and that the Hokage is chiefly responsible for that family's well-being."

Intending to do the right thing isn't enough.

"Throughout his tenure, Hiruzen lives up to the Will of Fire by being available for Konoha's villagers and shinobi during their time of need, making decisions to the betterment of as many people as possible, and providing his wisdom and guidance whenever he can."

Words instead of actions isn't enough.

"His delicate, thoughtful approach to not only issues within the village but also his interactions with foreign powers has given Hiruzen the reputation of being soft, something the Konoha Council spends much of its time trying to rectify."

Being a delicate shinobi isn't enough.

"Nevertheless, Hiruzen's kind and pacifist ways are widely valued by Konoha's residents and even his rival Kage, and for those reasons his eventual death is regretted by many."

Kindness in a time of child soldiers isn't enough.

"However, Hiruzen was not entirely for his softness as he allowed Danzō to form an Anbu faction of his own, to handle the dark side of Konoha's actions."

Having someone else do the dirty work for you instead of owning up to it yourself isn't enough.

Orochimaru is an irredeemable villain and Hiruzen's view of the 'greater good' hurt his people more than he could've ever hoped to help them.

That's the Hiruzen-Orochimaru Predicament.

(And really, this all kind of sounds like the Voldemort-Dumbledore dilemma, doesn't it?)

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Winter break is over now so I won't be as good as updating as I have been with these last few chapters, but I'll try my best! 

Thanks for sticking with me, everyone! <3

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And here's a piece by AnkaaSage !