There is a subtle edge of embarrassment in having their pack healer come to visit him in Renji’s bedroom because Renji will not let him leave the room long enough to go visit her.

The nauseas returned on the second day of Renji’s rut and rather than try to bear his way through it, Byakuya sent for Unohana with the request that she kindly bring him the medicine she had prescribed. What he had ran out, but was effective enough. He has no idea why it needs to be the special blend she claims is perfect for him, but he has no desire to spend most of the morning with his head hanging in the toilet bowl and Renji holding his hair back for him when he would much rather be curled up in bed in his alpha’s arms.

Considering the sharp turn-around his life has taken since allowing Renji to help him through his heat, Byakuya is rather grateful for the attention and affection. The coldness laced through his heart for so many years has melted away at Renji’s touch and he looks forward to when this illness abates for good, allowing Renji to court him properly. Yoruichi will never let him live this down but Byakuya finds he hardly minds as long as he has Renji in his life.

Unohana’s expression is kind as she kneels next to the bed, Renji pinning himself firmly in the corner to give her the space she needs. “I am sorry to have kept you waiting, Taicho. The lovely young woman you sent to apprentice with me has been a big help lately, though.”

“I’m glad. Orihime seems like she would make an excellent aide.” And that her healing powers have come into good use under Unohana is also a relief to him. Part of being a good pack alpha is ensuring that everyone’s skills and talents can be put to suitable use.

“How has the nausea been?” Unohana’s palm is cool against his forehead and Byakuya allows her to measure his temperature, trying not to let it bother him too much.

“I sent for you because it returned. It seems to be the same as it was the moment I stopped taking anything for it.” Which worries him. Getting sick is not something he can afford to do, not when there could be someone who might take advantage of such a thing. “I wouldn’t have sent for you so suddenly, but someone has been quite unbearable ever since I took ill again.”

His eyes slide to Renji, who lowers his head in admission of guilt.

Unohana only chuckles softly, her hand pressing against his cheek and the side of his neck in turn. “That is to be expected with protective alphas. Such a thing is very commonplace. Isane is much the same way when something happens to me. Have you noticed any other irregular changes to your body? Any tenderness or soreness anywhere?”

This is not the conversation Byakuya wants to be having in front of his worried and protective alpha. “A little, admittedly. Some soreness in my lower back and some light cramping in my stomach. I told myself I probably overdid it running the perimeter after we found out about Aizen’s pack, but then the nausea made me think it was something else.”

“You do overwork yourself, Taicho. Very often.” Unohana’s tone lets him know just how displeased she is with this. Renji makes an agreeable noise from the corner.

“It is necessary to maintain the pack and ensure the safety of all of the members.” Especially lately. Especially when they have definite enemies out there looking for a chance to hurt them.

Sighing softly, the healer nods. “I understand. I’m going to ask you to lie on your side so I can examine your back and make sure you haven’t strained any of the muscles.”

“That… Might be on me, if it happened.” Renji murmurs, and he sounds like he wants to die.

He also smells like he wants to die. “Renji, if this is difficult for you, I would advise that you sit in the hallway. Your scent is… Mildly difficult to focus around. I know you aren’t doing it on purpose, but it’s still there. Please be careful.”

“I’m sorry. Actually, I’d…” Renji slinks from his spot in the corner and toward the end of his futon, stretching out a hand to rest on Byakuya’s leg. “There, I’m good. Go ahead, Retsu.”

Byakuya shrugs the thin robe off of his shoulders and lies on his side with his back to Unohana, telling himself not to tense up and make the examination more painful than it has to be. It’s childish to behave in such a way when his poor health is likely entirely his doing, too much stress and hard work wearing his body down until it needed a break desperately. He doubts Renji has anything to do with it; the sex has been fantastic and he’s been a very considerate lover, as if trying to be careful of Byakuya even though there was no sign from him that anything was wrong. The soreness was easy to ignore when Renji showered him with pleasure.

Unohana’s fingers are gentle on his back, probing low on his spine and in the small dip at the base of it before she pulls his robe back up over his skin herself. “Your back appears to be fine, and none of the muscles are out of sorts. So I doubt either of you managed to strain it.”

“That’s a relief.” Renji murmurs, pressing his cheek against Byakuya’s calf.

“So then what is causing this?” Byakuya asks, sitting up carefully so as not to accidentally kick Renji in the face. “Is it the flu? When can I expect it to be over? Oh.” He catches the tail end of Unohana’s scent and presses a hand to his mouth, mortified at his reaction.

“Oh dear.” Unohana rests a hand on his shoulder until the nausea passes, then reaches into her satchel to retrieve a bottle, pressing it into his hands. “You remember the dosage I told you to measure out, correct? Make sure not to go over, even if you’re tempted.”

Byakuya’s hands tremble just slightly but he’s relieved when neither of them attempt to do it for him, downing the medicine quickly and gulping it down despite the tossing in his stomach. The sooner his body is over this illness, the better. He would like to be able to spend his waking moments not constantly prepared to retch into the nearest basin.

“Are there any other symptoms you can think of?” Unohana asks him, and Byakuya stares at her, not sure what she is looking for. Wondering where her line of thought is taking her. “Headaches, perhaps? Fatigue? Perhaps you’ve experienced a recent emotional—”

“What’s wrong with him?” Renji interrupts, sounding surlier by the second.

Sighing, Byakuya stretches a hand down, combing his fingers through Renji’s hair. “Stop. Retsu, if you know what’s going on with my body, then just tell me.”

“I apologize, Taicho. You informed me that you would come to see me after the duration of your heat, but you never did. I assumed you had decided not to visit after all, something that was none of my business either way.” Unohana lowers her head and Byakuya blinks rapidly at her, her words refusing to take root in his mind. “I had my suspicions when you came to me claiming you thought you had the flu, but I thought then it was because we were in front of others and you wanted no one to know. Only Renji is in the room. You would not lie in front of him.”

“Lie about what?” Renji asks, nosing Byakuya’s leg before he suddenly sits up. “Wait—”

Unohana meets Byakuya’s gaze steadily, and her voice does not waver as she leans forward to rest a hand on his shoulder. “I thought it might be an impossibility, that even stopping your suppressants when you did might not have truly saved your body the consequences. It appears I was wrong. I’m sorry not to have spoken to you about this subject much sooner.”

“We were together. An entire week. When my body was in its most fertile state.” Byakuya’s head aches just at the thought and he lifts his hands, pressing his fingers to his temples. “I… I couldn’t have forgotten. Even with the others here, there was no way I could have forgotten.”

“You did. I had what you asked prepared for you, but you never came to retrieve it. Then you sent Orihime to me, and came to check up on her regularly.” Unohana removes her hand from his shoulder, pressing it against the base of her throat. Concern is soft and warm in her eyes, concern and regret. “I thought it meant you changed your mind, that you wouldn’t visit so often and forget each time. But you were busy. I can see now that this is the truth.”

Renji moves away from him so gradually that Byakuya doesn’t notice it until he does all at once, Renji’s hands tucked firmly in his own lap. “Was that why my rut was late?”

“Yes. Because Taicho was ill, and your body responded in kind. You waited for him.” Unohana tries to smile, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes the way it usually does.

Dully, Byakuya realizes the edges of Renji’s scent are growing sour again. Is he upset with me?

That would be a cruel irony, that Renji was more than happy to spend a week inside of him but now the reality of the results are enough to drive him away.

“You’re telling me that.” Byakuya stops, swallows hard. His hands drift toward his midsection, pressing against the skin there. Still flat. No detectable change. But it hasn’t been very long, so why should he be able to tell so early? “Because I forgot to come see you after it was over.”

Unohana presses her hands together and nods once, lowering her head so their gazes can no longer meet. “I should have said something when I thought you just forgot, but I thought it wasn’t any of my business. That maybe you only said you didn’t want children, just to have the option open. And you seemed closer with Abarai, so I believed—”

“You have done nothing wrong. This is not your fault.” Byakuya swallows hard around nothing, forcing his voice to remain stable. “I would ask that you please give us a moment to discuss this. Thank you for going through the trouble to visit me here, Retsu. Please be safe.”

“Of course, Taicho.” Unohana bows her head low, collects her bag, and quickly leaves the room, pulling the door shut behind her a little too loud.

The sound echoes in the sudden quiet and Byakuya becomes painfully aware that Renji, who was desperate to touch him a moment ago, is not even looking at him now. His scent seems even worse than it was a moment ago, enough to make Byakuya’s stomach roil unpleasantly. Is Renji going to reject him now? The thought is hard to stomach and Byakuya curls in on himself just a little, his head spinning. Pregnant. He’d forgotten to visit Unohana after his heat concluded, too wrapped up in the pack to think about it, and now he’s carrying Renji’s child.

Or children. Maybe a litter’s worth. The thought is vaguely terrifying.

“You don’t have to go through with it, you know.” Renji tells him, and he won’t look at Byakuya, his eyes focused on his lap instead. “Just because you forgot doesn’t mean you can’t still get an abortion if you need to. Retsu has other things you can take. Or we can go somewhere and have it done in a clinic if you’re not keen on her way of doing things.”

Byakuya stares at his profile, trying to deduce how he feels about all of this. “What do you want me to do, Renji? You don’t seem particularly happy with this situation.”

Why won’t you look at me? Why won’t you touch me?

“I want you to do what you think is right for you and your body and your happiness.” Renji drags a hand through his hair and Byakuya wants Renji to reach out to him, to touch him. Can’t Renji tell how hard this is on him? Why won’t he look up? Why does he insist on keeping the distance between them when Byakuya needs his touch and comfort the most?

Has he decided to reject me as a possible mate after all?

“You’re not going to be upset with me if I choose to terminate the pregnancy?” he asks.

“No. God, no. It’s my fault you’re in this mess, I’m. I’m so sorry.” Renji finally meets his eyes directly and Byakuya’s throat is tight at the anguish he sees in those brown eyes. “You trusted me to take care of you and your body and I didn’t do that. I should have gone with you to see her to made sure you didn’t forget. Especially after Rukia came home and everything.”

Byakuya shakes his head. “You can’t blame yourself for this. It was my responsibility.”

“And you were my responsibility. Byakuya, you can’t just. You can’t act like I didn’t owe you the courtesy.” Renji laughs and the sound is sharp and it makes Byakuya’s headache throb harder, hard enough that he presses his fingers to his temples again. “You didn’t want kids. You didn’t want kids and I went and fucked up and knocked you up anyway, and now you have to deal with this. You’ve been sick and sore because I didn’t do my part in taking care of you.”

Is that why he’s so upset? How can you blame yourself for my mistake? “I can easily terminate the pregnancy and the symptoms will end. I am the alpha of this pack. You cannot take the blame for my mistake. I will not allow it. I just… I was so wrapped up in everything I forgot.”

“A lot’s happened. Rukia had just come home, she brought her pack mates. Aizen.” Renji shakes his head and finally, he drops his hand on Byakuya’s knee. “But I should have done better for you. It was the least I could do. The best I can do now is to support you through whatever decision you choose to make and stand by you in it.”

“Are you telling me you don’t have an opinion on this matter?” Byakuya asks, and his voice comes out rough and dry and Renji winces a little at the sound of it.

But he shakes his head, his jaw set. “I don’t. It’s your body, and you have to live with the decision. It’s nine months of you dealing with ninety percent of the symptoms. You’re the one who’d be giving birth. And you’re the one who said you didn’t want children. So if you choose to terminate, then I’ll support you through that. And I won’t hold it against you. I’m not that kind of a man that I’d impose such bullshit on you that you never asked for.”

Byakuya tugs at the material of his robe, pulling it tighter around his body as he leans against the corner where the two walls meet, feeling small and especially vulnerable right now. It was true. He never wanted to have children. Stopping his suppressants was to ensure the choice would always be his because something never sat right with him about chemically shutting down his options entirely, and there were health issues that could have abounded if he did.

No part of him was prepared for the reality of ever finding himself pregnant.

He wants Renji to comfort him. He wants Renji to hold him, to wrap Byakuya up in his arms and promise him everything is going to be okay no matter what he chooses. But Renji remains sitting at his feet, just the one hand on his skin and Byakuya doesn’t know why it bothers him so much. Renji just wants to court him, is not his mate and could easily change his mind if he wanted to.

But the lack of comfort makes the corners of his eyes sting just the same, makes him curl in tighter in some crude effort to comfort himself that doesn’t quite work.

“I’m sorry.” he manages, fingers twisting in the material of the robe. It smells like Renji, belongs to him because Byakuya hadn’t brought any clothes with him. He feels absurdly vulnerable almost naked now, wishes he had layers to cover up in. “This was supposed to be an enjoyable period for the two of us and instead it has become very stressful.”

Renji squeezes his knee. “It’s fine. I’d rather know now than wait until it was further along and you were suffering for it more. Do you know what you want to do about it?”

He… Doesn’t. Which is interesting given he went into this with the belief he would never want children, not with anyone, but Renji seemed different. His gentle touch and consideration softened Byakuya in more ways than one and he almost thinks it might not be so bad to have a child in his arms that looks up at him with Renji’s eyes, with Renji’s smile.

Of course, Renji acts like touching Byakuya is like navigating a minefield, so maybe such a thing will just make him miserable and he should terminate now and be done with it. “No. I don’t.”

“Byakuya…” Renji sighs softly and shifts closer, but he makes no effort to touch more and Byakuya lowers his head, rapidly blinking away the tears that blur his vision. Do I not interest you anymore, Abarai Renji? “Don’t do this to yourself because you think I want kids.”

What? Byakuya’s head snaps up, his eyebrows furrowing together. “What makes you think I’m even slightly considering your opinion in this matter? I am thinking of this for myself. ”

“Oh. Sorry. I just, you always said you didn’t want kids so I thought maybe you were just giving yourself a hard time about it because you think I do.” Renji looks uncertain, and his touch is featherlight and too, too delicate. “Do you want me to give you some space?”

Right. Because the space between them is doing wonders for him already. “Are you angry?”

“Why would I be angry?” Renji asks, and Byakuya wants to scream at him for it.

He tampers down the overly emotional response and looks back down at his lap, suddenly exhausted with all of this. “Your scent is going bad. You won’t touch me. You were all over me just a moment before you found out I was pregnant, and now you’re so far away from me.”

His voice quivers around the words and he hates how pathetically weak he sounds, how stereotypically pitiful he’s being over this. But the way Renji sucks in a sharp breath makes him feel slightly better about mentioning it at all, and then Renji is on top of him and around him.

“I’m sorry.” He whispers, and Byakuya squeezes his eyes shut tight because he is not going to cry over something like this. “I’m sorry, Byakuya, I just didn’t want… I don’t want you to feel pressured about this decision. I want you to do what’s right for you because the last thing I want is for you to make a choice because you think it’s what I want and then you hate me for it.”

It’s fair but Byakuya is still miserable without Renji’s touch. Now, though, he unfurls into it, pressing his face against the side of Renji’s neck. His scent is more even now, wrapping around Byakuya like a second set of arms, and the stinging in his eyes abates as he drinks in the way Renji holds him, the strong hands rubbing up and down his back. Having him close makes Byakuya feel better and he sniffles softly as he threads his fingers in Renji’s hair, glad he isn’t being punished or rejected because of this. Glad Renji doesn’t hate him.

“I’m sorry.” Renji kisses the side of his neck and Byakuya keens softly. “I hadn’t even realized. God, I’m so fucking bad at this. I’m meant to be taking care of you—”

“You’re the one in rut.” Byakuya argues, and Renji stiffens in his arms.

When he leans back, his eyes are wide, his mouth hanging open. “That’s why.” He says, Byakuya frowning up at him. “I kept thinking to myself it was weird that I was being so gentle and careful of you, but… Maybe some part of my brain picked up on the fact you were pregnant and it just translated into me trying to take care of you instead. Holy shit.”

“That’s likely.” Byakuya admits softly. “There are very minute changes in my scent most likely that you didn’t pick up on consciously, but subconsciously? It’s very possible.”

“At least I did one thing right.” Renji kisses him on the forehead and then the lips, and Byakuya hums softly at the contact. He doesn’t need to be coddled… But he likes it from Renji. “Look, you said yourself you don’t want kids. I’m not going to judge you or hate you for getting an abortion if that’s what you want to do. I still want you. I won’t hold it against you if you never change your mind. What matters to me is you, the beautiful, strong omega I fell in love with. Your happiness and what you want out of life. I just want to be at your side.”

Byakuya leans back against the wall, wiping at his eyes as he looks up into Renji’s gentle expression. “I don’t… I didn’t want children. But it was easy to tell myself that when there was never anyone to have them with. Anyone who made me feel safe and cared for.”

Renji sucks in a breath and shakes his head, his hands coming up to cradle Byakuya’s face. “Don’t make this choice if you think you should . Make it because you want to. Please don’t rush into this if you aren’t ready. I won’t hold it against you if you want to wait.”

“Alphas are all the same. So bossy.” Byakuya tilts his head, presses a kiss against Renji’s rough palm, his eyelids fluttering shut as he drinks in how close Renji is to him, how warm. “I want to try. I can still change my mind. The pregnancy is early. But if you’re going to stay by my side no matter what I choose, then I don’t have to be so afraid.”

“Byakuya…” Renji swallows so hard that his throat clicks. “You’re the fucking strongest man I’ve ever met in my life. I sincerely hope you know that. And if you did me the honor of making me the father of your pups, I’d be right there to help you raise them. I sincerely mean that.”

Nodding, Byakuya pulls Renji down on top of him. “Then hold me right now. Hold me and make me feel safe. Because I… I maybe want this with you. You’re maybe the first person I’ve ever thought about settling down with and starting a family alongside.”

Renji’s breath hitches and he lays down next to Byakuya, wrapping him up in the bedding and his own arms, nuzzling Byakuya’s hair before kissing him so softly it makes Byakuya ache. “I’ll take care of you. I’ll do everything I can to make it as painless for you as possible.”

The soft murmur of his voice is a sweet comfort and Byakuya curls into the sound of it, wraps his arms around Renji as tight as he can and refuses to let go of him. And maybe, when Renji is soft in his arms, he lets a hand wander down to his stomach once more, testing the skin there, imagining his body rounding softly around their child.

Byakuya never wanted children, but he never wanted a mate, either. Maybe it was time to sit down and revisit what he wants for his future.