The younger guys take (read: drag) him to a karaoke place, eventually. The so-called karaoke looks rather like a basement for college party, except for the fact that it is placed on top floor of a building, large windows looking over lavish city scenery. The group merges with another one of about 10 native boys and girls, as Yukhei explains, "The more the merrier".

They order 5 packs of beer at once, which concerns the assumedly oldest deeply.

"It's alright, ge, I promise." Says Yukhei while popping his fourth can of beer, ironically. "I'll just order two or three cabs for everyone later on, okay? Gonna get you back to the hotel safe and sound."

The seriousness in his voice reminds Kun of his American friend back in the time he was an exchange student at NYU. That one friend who, too, insisted he would be alright and take a cab home after eight rounds of beer pong (seriously, as small as those red cups look, no one ever knows what was mixed into), and ended up sleeping with his crush in an one-night-stand only to never face her again. Sure, it was much better than driving under influence; but still it proved to him that there are more than one way for a drunk night to go wrong.

He flicks the puppy – don't get him wrong, they're not that close, but everyone calls the younger that – on the forehead. "Even if you can prevent dying in a DUI case, you cannot prevent dying due to alcohol poisoning. Slow down on the drinks, won't you?"

"Says the one who passed out at the pub the other day." Yukhei says with a pout, side-eyeing the older man.

Kun blushes furiously. And no he's not embarrassed. He's just holding back with all his mental strength the urge to kick the smug off of that annoying(ly cute) face.

Li Yongqin and Kunho – Kunhang, luckily he didn't say it out loud, as he has had enough of Yukhei's pinches in the waist about this – are doing a duet version of Sober by BIGBANG, he can only guess, cause they are absolutely not sober. The drunkenly wiggling-shouting duo and the no less drunkenly cheerful audience make it impossible for him to hold back the parent-like smile that has been on the verge of cracking for a while now.

While giggling back and forth, he suddenly turns to meet Yukhei's eyes. Adoring, sweet, charmed eyes.

He feels his cheeks warm up. Again, no he's not embarrassed. He's just holding back with all his mental strength the urge to kick the smug off of that annoying(ly cute) face.

Kun turns away and fans himself to ease off the heat sneaking up his face. A finger pokes on the warm and definitely red cheek.

"You haven't even sing a song."

"I'm good... I'm not a good singer, and plus they're having fun."

"You should have your fun too." The puppy-like man shoves the songbook onto his lap, face showing determination to refuse to accept any "no".

"..."

They settle for "Way Back Into Love" with Yukhei excitedly inviting himself to along as it happens to be his favorite song too. And that's how Kun ends up in his position right now, can't escape the younger's eyes staring into his, the whole world suddenly blank and quiet.

"I've been living with a shadow overhead

I've been sleeping with a cloud above my bed"

Yukhei takes a step toward him, and now they must be less than three steps apart.

"I've been lonely for so long

Trapped in the past

I just can't seem to move on"

Two steps.

"I've been hiding all my hopes and dreams away

Just in case I ever need them again someday"

One step.

"I've been setting aside time

To clear a little space in the corners of my mind"

The tips of their shoes touch.

"All I want to do is find a way back into love

I can't make it through without a way back into love..."

And the tips of their noses touch too. The mint scent from his breath a few inches away.

Too close.

Too fucking close.

Too fucking close for Kun.

Too fucking close for his heart who definitely knows it misses its beat for the man he's facing.

Too fucking close for his plan which is to never remember again that he likes boys and just be satisfied with the life they had set up for him.

Too fucking close, because he knows he's only inches away from falling in.

So he does what makes the most sense to him at the moment.

He runs away. Out of the room. Leaving behind incomprehensive shouts and calls of his name. Trying to escape the sounds of footsteps that follow. Hoping that the noises that remind him of that moment will quiet down and he will be able to clear his mind, ending the night without lingering thoughts and feelings for the man he's not supposed to fall in love with.

Kun ends up on the couch in some hallway that he thinks is on a floor below, a dark corner with a mirror oddly placed in front of him. His face is buried onto his palms, and he can feel tears staining the shaky hands.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

He can't keep count of how many times he has cursed himself, and how many it would take to take up the guilt that weighs down his chest.

His throat sores of trying to hold back sobs instinctively, even though he knows that there should be no one around.

A cold and wet feeling applies on his messed up hair.

"If I apologize, would you please take a sip of water and calm down? I will leave immediately afterward."

Kun refuses to raise his head, recognizing the voice too well. "Please assure them that I'm okay."

A weight pushes down onto the other side of the couch. "Are you really tho?"

"No." The older knows that Yukhei can read him by now, so why pretending.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. It's really not."

"If so, won't you remove your hands please? You're gonna suffocate."

"..." Kun lifts his head up hesitantly.

He is staring at the mirror now. On one side of the mirror, inside of the room next to the couch he's sitting on, there are a couple kissing deeply. The girl traps the guy onto the wall, her long wavy hair falling down the exposed back of the velvet red dress. The dress that he carefully hand-washed and ironed earlier.

"So this is why you wanted me to look up to?" He recalls of the sounds of Yukhei's footsteps that actually followed him all the way here but didn't approach him directly.

"I'm sorry."

"How do you know?"

"I searched for your name to find your social media account. I found out who your wife is instead. She's famous, you know."

"And?"

"I saw her when following you through the hall on the other side. You was too occupied crying to notice."

"I would rather you have ignored her, or for better, me to begin with."

"You would love to be deceived?"

"I would love to be in peace."

"And deceived?"

"Not really deceived. If you had seen her online, I assume you had seen rumors around her too."

"So you know about all that?"

"I'm old but not from the Ice Age." Kun finally turns to face Yukhei, a bitter cold smirk formed on his lips.

"I wish I could have been that nonchalant when finding out that my ex cheated on me."

"Damn, why did you leave that out of the story when you first told me? Really drama-worthy."

The younger hisses. "I didn't try to make you feel less guilty only for you to turn on me like that."

Kun's laugh sounds more like a sigh.

"You wanna go back to the hotel?"

"No. I would love some more drinks in peace actually."

Yukhei wraps his hand around an ice-cold can of beer.

"Back-up plan, huh?"

"Plan A works for some, plan B works for others. I kinda expected this one to work better for you though."

"Let's go somewhere else, shall we? It'd be even more awkward to face her at this moment."

"Agreed."

Three cans of beer later, at two in the morning, they take the cab home.

Kun squeezes himself onto Yukhei's chest, seeking for a bit of warmth and the scent of whichever-perfume-he-uses-and-beer mixture. He can't afford to care much anymore, now that she has reminded him the lack of love is two-sided. The younger is half way through passing out too, his eyes barely managing to remain opened to make sure Kun gets to the hotel safely as he promised, despite the other assuring he can fall asleep.

They get there eventually though, and still Yukhei insists with his half-sober voice to watch the older check-in to his room. At the reception, they face the people they love to see the least at the moment.

His wife, with her disheveled hair and ripped stocking flashing underneath the slit of the dress, and a man next to her. Kun acknowledges well that he is, too, with a strange man right now, yawning next to him and almost sleeping on the reception table; but still he feels awkward.

The married couple's eyes meet. Each of them gives a slight smile.

She turns to the lover – Kun wonders suddenly, how long it would last this time – and gives him a peck on the nose, then one on the lips, all while fully acknowledging her husband watching. She's completely adapted to this kind of situation already.

"Shameless, isn't she?"

The honey voice from behind startles him.

"Quiet."

"I'm not gonna be qu-"

"It's alright, I don't love her too."

He doesn't even realize the words slip out of his mouth for the first time in forever.

"Then why do you stick around?"

"It's-it's complicated!"

Blank, blank, and some more blanks in his memory, now he's in this suffocating hotel room again with his arranged wife.

"Who was that man? He's good-looking."

"Erm, a friend."

"Is he a traveler too? Will you guys date when we're back in Seoul?"

"No, he lives and works here."

"Sucks."

"Why do you care so much?"

"Because you never date. I'm just kinda curious if you have turned from gay to asexual."

"Is it that all?"

"Okay, fine." She has finally done changing into sleepwear, flopping down on the coach next to bed. "I just wanna make sure you know what it'll take to have a relationship in this situation we are in."

"For example, you gotta beware of your surrounding. We are pretty influential, and scandals would have bad effects on jobs and reputation."

"Was you beware of that while making out of him today? At the karaoke and in front of reception table? And all those guys you had scandals with before too?"

She turns around to face his cold, nonchalant eyes, with cold, nonchalant eyes to match. "Look, as happy as I am for us to not have to act like we're in love when in private, it doesn't mean that this is gonna be easy. For you, not me, as you know I've been alright all this time. People gets over it, believing it's an obligation to have one fling or two when you're beautiful and famous, you know?"

She gets up and pours two glasses of wine, handing him one. "Think. If it's revealed that you're gay, it will only affect you. People would think of me as an unhappy wife who was forced into being a cover, and all my previous scandals would suddenly make senses. And you? You would be accused of trapping and using me. It's no good, isn't it?"

"Smart of you." He smiles with sarcasm.

"Of course it would be great to get rid of this marriage, but then what will it cost? Your parents who literally spent millions to have me married to you would be unhappy. You would face criticism toward your sexuality. Me? I'll be free. The loss is all yours, I have always told you."

The wine tastes extra bitter on his tongue. "You're right."

"It looks like you understand now. You want peace, and settlement, and to please your family and the society, don't you?"

Kun chugs down the rest of his wine in one shot. "Yes I do."

They're back in Shanghai two days later as planned. As the perfect couple they always have appeared to be.

Kun blocks Yukhei's number during the rest of his time in Japan, can't afford to be swung by sweet words and adoring eyes anymore.

Dong Sicheng calls him a week after his arrival.

"Urgent. It really is. Please be there."

"How urgent can it be and, again, what the hell does it have to do with me?"

"It has everything to do with you, I promise. And I'm getting my head chopped off if you won't show up."

"... If someone is gonna chop off your head, just call the goddamn cop."

"You don't understand!"

"Alright, alright, I'll be there. Just text me the date and time and address."

Kun would actually not give a damn if Sicheng's head is falling down. He's just sick of fifty calls a day, and finally gives in at day 7.

Kun is at the café where the "urgent business" is supposed to take place, dressed up in oversized blouse and jeans because Sicheng insists that, although urgent, the business won't be so formal. It's not like people would have any formal business with a street fashion photographer anyway.

He orders himself a vanilla latte and a slice of almond vanilla cupcake while waiting. A person walks in, and although Kun is praying mentally that they are not here for him, he knows they are.

Wong Yukhei.

Yukhei slips onto the desk in front of him with the signature pout, as if Kun has not cut off all tights with him but missed a playdate.

"I-I'm sorry."

"You need to stop saying sorry about everything."

"So-sorry, oh well."

"My gosh, you worried me to death!"

"Huh?"

"What's with that "huh"?"

"You worried about me?"

The betrayed looks Yukhei gives makes him want to take his words back immediately.

"So-"

"You are ridiculous."

"..."

"I understand if you don't wanna go further, but a goodbye would not have cost a thing."

"It's my fault."

Yukhei crosses his arms and puckers his lips childishly.

Kun sighs. "My treat, okay?"

Now the silly smile has slightly formed on his face.

"But you did not threaten to chop off my friend's head and fly all the way here for a goodbye treat, did you?"

"First of all, I didn't threaten Sicheng, okay? I believe Dejun still has beef with him since they broke up back in college."

Kun gasps. "Didn't know that."

"Second of all, I did fly here to meet you though."

Kun suddenly feels shyness hit again, so he lowers his head.

"Please look at me."

Yukhei sounds sincere and selfless as he always does. His words make Kun fluster: he knows he will fall again. But they also make him brave.

"What now?"

"I wanna confirm your feelings toward me. If you can't do it for me, do it for you. I don't want you to have any regrets."

"I really like you but I won't-"

"Have you been having any since you left me?"

Either "yes" or "no" would be a lie.

"Yes" would be one as he promises to just settle down and leave what happened in Tokyo behind.

"No" would be one as he knows all so well that he won't be able to get rid of it soon.

"I've had, and I don't want to..."

"Then you don't' have to."

"I'm sorry but what if it won't work even when I'm with you?" Kun's voice shakes and his eyes are getting teary. "What if life won't work our way? I'm not you, you know that, that I'm not as courageous and strong and loving as you are... What if I go to you but then give up midway through and hurt us both-"

"Then it will be it." Yukhei speaks with determination. "Life throws at us sticks and stones all the times, who on earth won't get hurt once or twice to find happiness?"

Kun bites his lips and shivers.

"I'm sorry, ge." The younger takes the lead again. "But I have to say this or I will hold onto regret like I have been throughout last week. And you, too, please give yourself a chance."

Yukhei stands up and wipes tears that are on the verge of falling. "I'm leaving tomorrow, ge." He puts down a piece of paper. "Here's my number in China. Please call me after you think it through. And if it takes longer than a day to do that, you know where to find me."

Kun doesn't dial that number.

It's two in the morning again, and Yukhei can't sleep. He's anxious. It's been three months since he left China, and two since the news has surfaced.

Where can he be? What can he be doing? His Kun ge.

The young man is laying in his room with laptop on his lap, strolling through the news to make guesses of how the process has gone. The soft street lights shine through the large windows of the rooftop room.

He stares out the windows and away from the laptop screen for a moment, seeking a break of mind. A taxi suddenly arrives and is parked across the street.

Yukhei has never run so fast in his life, quite literally flying downstairs and to the door. Kun is comfortably seated by his bar counter, luggage stacking up below his chair.

"I've been waiting."

"You've seen the news?"

"Of course I did. How's the divorce going?"

Kun walks toward him. "Quite well. I think we're both relieved. My parents pretty much disown me though."

"I'm sorry." Yukhei pats his hair.

"You need to stop saying sorry about everything." Kun mocks. "But really, don't be. I expected this."

"You're brave now."

"Way too brave even. Now I'm in a country whose language I don't speak, with no fortune and no chunks of money and, most importantly, no place to live." The older raises his eyebrows mischievously. "I wonder who will take responsibility."

Yukhei pulls him into an embrace. "Live in my house, I'll be your shelter."

"Did I mention I have no money?"

"Just pay me back with one thousand kisses~"

"Hold the fuck up, did you just quote "RENT"?"

"It fits the situation! And plus I'm serious!"

"Okay. How and when do you take your payment?"

"One for everynight."

Kun gets on his tiptoe and kisses the taller deeply. "That's for tonight then."

"And tip?"

"Who wants tip together with rent?"

"But-"

The older's soft lips cover over Yukhei's. "That's for free."

end.