The customers enter the cafe with a curious look on their face as the man behind the counter who is the owner bows to them

"Welcome to the Multiverse Cafe. I am Yi Sang, the owner of this cafe. I sell many types of coffee you desire, but I need money to pay rent. Don't ask, because life sucks"

They all fall in line to buy coffee from Yi Sang and they sit down to their respective table. The blue haired emo meets a golden traveler boy and they sit down on the same table

"Hey"

"Hey"

...

Makoto: My name's Makoto Yuki, you?

Aether: Aether, just Aether

Makoto: Nice to meet you, Aether

Aether: Likewise, Makoto

Aether: So, how do you fare today?

Aether: I haven't got Peruere to my team *groans*

Makoto: I'm sorry, hope you get her in the future

Aether: Thanks, Makoto

Makoto: Anytime, Aether

Someone enters the cafe who is a masked individual wearing a spider-like outfit and he walks to the counter with a sad sigh

Yi Sang: Greetings Spiderman

Spiderman: Hey... got any lattes in sale or something?

Yi Sang: Yes, you seem down Spiderman

Spiderman: How can you tell?

Yi Sang: Your tone of voice tells me a lot, care to tell me about it?

Spiderman: My girlfriend, Mary Jane cheated on me with some guy named Paul. Even though I was out there saving the world, Mary Jane just dumped me

Yi Sang: I see... I'll prepare your lattes, just take a seat somewhere, everything is shared except family seatings

Spiderman nods then he walks to the same table where Makoto and Aether are seated at as he removes his mask and puts it on the table

Aether: So... what's your name?

Peter: Peter Parker, yours?

Aether: Aether, and the blue-haired is Makoto Yuki

Makoto: Sup. Yuri Lowenthal?

Peter: Yuri Lowenthal

Makoto: Nice. So which world are you in?

Peter: Earth 616

Makoto: Cool, so why are you sad?

Peter: MJ cheated on me with some guy named Paul

Makoto: O.O.F

Yi Sang arrives to their table with their orders before he puts them down

Yi Sang: So. I decided to invite this man named Paul into this cafe because Mr. Spiderman, or Peter is acting like a loser

Roasted

Yi Sang: And hope he grows a backbone, and if he doesn't, I'll help him

Roasted

Time skip

Yi Sang: So greetings everyone, I invited a man named Paul and his toxic girlfriend Mary Jane into our cafe, say hi Paul

A guy who looks like a wannabe hipster comes in

Paul: Okay, there has been a mistake, I'm just some guy who is married to Mary Jane

Aether: There is no mistake bud, welcome to the enemy domain

Oh shit

Makoto: Is that the Mr. Steal your girl who literally just come out of nowhere?

Paul got Roasted

A woman dressed in an imperial outfit comes in

Oda: Is she for real? She ended up with this loser?

Paul got Roasted

Paul: Look, I know you are all like... alternate universe or something, but I'm a decent man

Peter: What kind of a "decent man" would show up and swoop Mary Jane while I'm out saving the world?

MJ: Peter, you need to let it go, we moved on and you should too

Peter got Roasted

Paul: Yeah Peter, why not you crawl back into your web and cry about it

Peter got Roasted

Makoto: *Sighs* This is getting stupid. Peter, if you have cried less and fought more, none of this would have happened

Peter got Roasted

Aether: Yeah, you're a beta male for letting this happen out of nowhere

Peter got Roasted

Peter: Guys, it's hard okay!? Mary Jane made a choice and I had to accept it

Makoto: "Oh no, I'm Peter Parker and I let some dude cuck me from Mary Jane, who looks like a wannabe Tony Stark"

Paul got Roasted

Yi Sang: Okay, my plan is to help each other because I don't want any of my customers fight each other, even if... some of us are more pathetic than the others. And of course, except for Paul and his toxic wife

Paul and Peter got Roasted

MJ: Hey don't bully him, Paul is such a good man, he takes care of the kids

Oda: Oh cute, your husband is a babysitter, how exciting

MJ got roasted

Paul: Hey, I have my own charms and moments of heroism too

Oda: Oh yeah, like that one time where you... what was that again?

Paul got roasted

Aether: MJ, the fans hates your choice in men, I mean come on, Paul? Seriously?

Paul: Exactly how they hate your existence. A male in a Hoyoverse game? Seriously?

Aether: Because Mihoyo makes games that caters to certain audience, and it's just idiots in twitter and the yuri community spouting false things. And how are your kids by the way? Oh right, they're just your imagination aren't they?

Paul got roasted

Aether: And Peter, how did you let this guy steal your girl?

Makoto: Because Peter here is amazingly pathetic. No wonder why MJ left you, you're not strong enough

Peter got roasted

Peter: I thought you guys will help me-

Makoto: How could you let Mary Jane end up with this loser, Peter? You're a disgrace as a boyfriend for letting this happen

Oof

Paul: You think you're tough? I punched Peter and I'll punch you too!

Makoto: Oh really, tough guy?

Makoto punched Paul in the face with brute force, leaving him a bruise on his face while letting go of his fist

Makoto: Shut the fuck up or I'll break your bones faster than MJ breaks Peter's heart

He can break bones after all

Aether: As for you, Peter, you really need to get your ass up because the Spider Society won't accept you now

Peter: Hey-

Yi Sang: I blame Zeb Wells for ruining Peter's life and make the other writers do the same to him. Better grow a backbone out of this

Yi Sang smacks Peter with a book as he shakes his head while he looks pissed

Peter: So you messed with the childhood hero Spiderman the Grave Digger? You made a Grave mistake. Let the real man talk now

Paul: Whoa, Peter calm down

Peter: They roasted your asses down, so let me do the finishing blow. Paul you exist just to be a shameless rebound for MJ, and MJ, you're pathetic for settling with a loser who has contributed nothing in a world full of superheroes

The duo got roasted

Paul: Say what you want but, you're the clingy ex here not me

Peter: Paul, the only good thing about you is helping the author vent his frustrations about you and write this fic. In the other perspective? Can't think of a single thing

Paul got Roasted

Makoto: Now that's cold

MJ: Peter you're a nice guy but, their words are changing you

Peter: I choose to heed their words instead of being nice, and I choose being nice instead of being with an ex who thinks dating Quasimodo is s good idea

Makoto: Oh shit

MJ got Roasted

Aether: You're literally desperate huh, I mean Paul? Really? It's like you traded a diamond for a tin can

MJ got Roasted

MJ: Hey, don't insult Paul, Paul is a good man

Peter: More like good for nothing. You two are perfect for each other, Perfectly Pathetic

Aether: TOO COLD!

They got Roasted

Paul: Say all you want Peter, but in the end, you're just a walking punching bag with no mask, always beaten rarely winning

Aether: But Paul, in this domain, you and MJ are both everyone's enemy

Yi Sang: Face it, Paul. You're a walking joke that even my customers don't want to get along with you. You have my VIP pass for this cafe, a Very Irritating Pussy

Paul got Roasted

Oda: Hahahaha, welcome to the Multiverse Cafe Paul, we hope you enjoy your stay

Makoto: In six feet under

O.O.F

Fic inspired by: My hatred for Paul in the marvel comics, Slice of Fun and their Roasts