Paralyzed
(adj.) a state of powerlessness or incapacity to act

Darkness was playing a game with her.

All of a sudden, she was standing on a cliff, overlooking the ShadowClan camp. The camp looked different with the rocks and stones that were placed. Darkness sank in and wrapped around the place, slowly swallowing the view in front of her eyes.

A gentle breeze brushed her fur as she glanced at the view silently. She could not help but start worrying about its big bites, gradually darkening her homeland. Was the future of her beloved clan destined to be doomed? Was this a sign? Or was there still hope?

She felt a push from her back as she stumbled down the cliff.

She fell into the dark void with a quick speed, feeling like a comet descending from the sky. Dread pooled in her stomach, but other than that, she felt peace wrapping around her, making her feel safe.

Covering her eyes, darkness painted her vision with black. She sank in a deep breath and waited for the final impact. Her skull would probably be crushed into bits by this, but she could finally leave all the trouble behind.

She could finally find her own paradise.

Not as easy.

"Citrinemoon, you are late for your stone-collecting patrol." Lapwingstar called, shaking her lightly.

The deputy slowly opened her eyes. She blinked slowly, trying to focus on the image in front of her eyes. She shifted uncomfortably when she spotted the close proximity between her and the leader.

"I will wait for you outside," Noticing the discomfort of the she-cat, the tall tom left after he murmured.

The deputy stood from her pile of moss and walked out of the warrior den. It felt weird sleeping without her adorable son besides her, and the constant disturbance of her nightmares certainly did not improve her sleep quality.

Lapwingstar was waiting for her with a squirrel in his mouth. When the she-cat came closer, he dropped the prey on the ground and pushed it gently towards her.

"For you," he mewed gently. His eyes narrowed slightly when Citrinemoon shook her head.

"Is there something wrong?" Lapwingstar followed her closely when she turned away. She shook her head again. For some reasons, after that dream, she felt empty and drained out from the inside. Some part of her was missing, but she failed to point out which.

The two fell into complete silence. They walked quietly, bathing in the morning sun. Citrinemoon spotted a huge rock by the two-leg place.

She ran and positioned herself behind the rock. Trying to push the rock with her head, dirt flew as she moved slowly. The deputy felt a boost of power behind her back, sending a mental note of gratitude towards Lapwingstar who decided to help her.

Feeling exhausted after walking for quite some time, the deputy stopped pushing and chose a shady spot under a tree. She still thought this was a complete waste of time.

Cats should definitely concentrate on practicing their own battle skills to protect themselves as well as defending the clan, instead of wasting their energy to strengthen their camp by piling up stones.

The problem was, no one would be willing to listen to her this time. They all thought that she was targeting Cavestorm because of her past, but all she did was worrying about the clan's future.

Life was always like that. Wasn't it?

She felt a figure sitting beside her, and she turned, noticing Lapwingstar. He glanced at her with something that could not be recognised in his eyes. It was so powerful that she had to look away immediately.

Hot breath from his mouth tickled her ears as she moved away, once again feeling uncomfortable with the close distance. Awkwardness filled the place as Citrinemoon twitched her ears, trying to focus on the forest path in front of her.

The season of leaf-fall came as a flame of nature, from brown, red and gold that were born and warmed every eye. Those leaves were born as butterflies to wave in the gentle wind. Soon, they would rest upon the forest floor and there came the end of their life journey.

Hers too.

"I am sorry."

The deep voice echoed in the forest. Two cats sat under the tree, with about a fox-length between them.

However, there was an ocean separating them in their hearts.

Citrinemoon turned her head slightly, her eyes settling on the tall figure. She knew perfectly well who that voice belonged to, yet she wanted to keep her eyes on him.

She still remembered when things were how it was supposed to be. Her, Pecanpaw and Lapwingpaw gathered in a corner of the camp, observing the passerby and talking about their big dreams. Cats gathered in small circles, sharing tongues and grooming one another's fur. The moon was dim, yet they were not scared by the dark because they had one another.

Things changed. Warriors were sent but they never returned. Leaves did their leaps of faith from the branches and could never go back to where they originally belonged. Time passed and it never came back.

Sunlight cascaded to the forest floor unhindered. It seemed to be the only sign of hope.

"Sorry for what?" She asked, feeling like talking to air with the silence wrapped around her.

"Sorry for being inconsiderate and rude. I didn't mean it like that." He replied. His eyes stared right into hers as they showed sincerity.

Citrinemoon actually wanted to believe him. Quite ridiculous, wasn't it?

She remembered the vow that she had made, but at the same time, she didn't want to remember.

Memories came with pain.

She was about to reply when a voice asked, "Have you two seen Mistlekit?"

Doeheart revealed herself by walking out of a bush nearby. Her pelt were covered with dirt and clearly not groomed. Her tone was laced with worry as she repeated her question, "Have you two seen Mistlekit? I can't find her, and I am worried."

The leader and the deputy shared a glance. Citrinemoon's glance turned hard when she came in contact with the identical she-cat. She narrowed her eyes as she shrugged, "I don't know, and I don't care."

Doeheart's eyes turned glossy as she pleaded with a brittle voice, "Please, Citrinemoon. I need her to be safe. Can you tell me where she is?"

"Doeheart, Citrinemoon really doesn't know. I have been with her all along, and I haven't seen Mistlekit as well." Lapwingstar calmly explained. He shot the deputy a quick glance, but she looked away immediately.

Lapwingstar was trying to understand what Citrinemoon was thinking. She seemed to be avoiding him for some reasons, but he couldn't possibly blame her for that. If only things didn't turn that way.

"Listen, Sparrowpaw was missing a-" Doeheart's sentence was cut off by Citrinemoon's shout, "Sparrowpaw was WHAT?"

Doeheart continued anyway, "-nd I am worried about both of them. I thought he was with you-"

Citrinemoon could not hear the rest of the sentence as she was already running down the path, her exhaustion forgotten. His smile appeared in her mind and she desperately wanted to make sure that he was safe. She needed to know that he was safe. She wanted to see his smile again, but not in her memories.

"Citrinemoon, do you think we can calmly think about where he can possibly be?" Lapwingstar panted as he was trying to catch up. When it came to running, Citrinemoon would always be a guaranteed winner.

The fawn she-cat did not even spare him a glance as she proceeded to sprint. She could feel time slipping away from her paws. There was no time to waste at all.

She did not want to think about the possibility of losing Sparrowpaw. She would not let that happen, she would never. She would die first if Sparrowpaw was harmed.

Picking up a familiar scent left by her son and the she-kit who she despised, she followed swiftly with caution. The scent led her to a cave and she did not hesitate to walk in.

Her worst nightmare was waiting for her.

A badger was there. It was ready to attack Sparrowpaw.

Before Citrinemoon knew what she was doing, she leaped in front of the apprentice, blocking the blow for him. The sharp claws of the badger sank into her fur as they added a cut on her back. Blood oozed out of the wound but the she-cat did not flinch at all.

Pain belonged to her. This was the feeling that she was used to.

Sparrowpaw's eyes were widened in horror as he spotted his mother's cut. Blood replaced the brown colour on the ground with red as he attempted to step forward and help. Even though she could not possibly see from her position, she knew there was a deep cut on his belly.

Her heart was dripping blood.

"I can deal with this badger. Go away now!" She shouted to her son, hating that she had once again failed to protect him.

The brown pelted tom shot Mistlekit a glance and shook his head. He promised to keep his mother safe and become a brave warrior who would protect every cat. He was certainly not going to leave any cat behind, especially his mother.

The fawn she-cat did not even spare the trembling she-kit a glance as she clenched her jaw tightly. Her body shook with a mix of frustration and worry. Taking a deep breath, she shouted, "Get out-"

The sentence was not completed as the badger attacked suddenly. It aimed for the deputy's leg and with a swift leap, its jaw was nearly in contact with her. Citrinemoon jumped away immediately. She had to play it smart and win this battle. If she lost... the prize could be her life and possibly Sparrowpaw's.

Like how her mate's life was taken from her.

He had the courage to protect the two from a badger, yet at the cost of his life and her broken heart.

She was not going to let that happen. Not again.

She remembered what she had learnt from her mentor - a move that she never thought she would use in her entire life-time. She had never encountered a real badger before and a million possibilities wrapped around her head.

What if she fails...?

How about, what if she succeeds...?

Time was running out.

Citrinemoon reared up and leaped forward. She landed without dropping her forepaws and spun around at a fast speed. After that, she ducked down back onto four paws. Twisting to her side, she snapped her jaws and clamped them into its leg.

A huge wound was formed on its leg as the badger glared at her with its big black eyes. The quick instinct kicked in as the she-cat ducked just when the badger set its claws on her back. She twisted around and rolled over her back in a swift movement, then sprang to her paws.

Catching her breath, she tried to think of a plan. The badger surely would overdo her in terms of strength, and she felt like she needed a break from the intense fight. According to common sense, fighting with a badger alone would never end up well.

She needed extra help to defeat the badger for sure, but no way she would drag Sparrowpaw down with her, especially when this was a dangerous bet, and she was not entirely confident about the positive outcome.

What if she sacrificed her life instead? That would give Sparrowpaw enough time to escape from the badger. She had lived enough, and he still had a future in front of his eyes, regardless of the upcoming disaster.

She did not notice how the jaw of the badger was aiming for her neck until a shadow flashed in front of her eyes. Her eyes widened as Sparrowpaw leaped on top of the badger and was biting its back.

The badger looked away from her and turned its attention to the apprentice instead. Citrinemoon focused on the scene and watched with terror as it nearly scratched Sparrowpaw with its sharp claws.

Blood rang in the deputy's ears. She was paralyzed to the spot and there was only one thought in her head that kept her sane. She only had one choice to get the result that she wanted.

Citrinemoon decided to dart directly towards the badger, blocking it from hurting Sparrowpaw furthermore. Maybe she did not have the chance to defend the clan against the upcoming disaster, but it was definitely worth it if she sacrificed herself in this scenario. She vowed to protect her son and she would be absolutely willing to do so.

With a quick leap, she jumped in front of the apprentice and shoved him away light. She heard the sound of the tom landing on the ground with a light 'thud'. Her heart was throbbing in her ears, loud and irregular, but she barely heard it, for her mind was clouded with fear once again. The badger's coal black eyes were filled with rage as in a blink of her eyes, its jaw was connected to her body.

She could feel the sharp pain that radiated from her back as its jaw began applying pressure slowly. Its sharp teeth dug into her fur and she struggled to breathe. She could no longer feel the pain after a while. Time seemed to slow down as memories of her life flashed in front of her eyes. Everything that gave her pain or gave her hope.

Silence swallowed her and wrapped her with coldness. She seemed to hear shouts from her surroundings, but the words were too muffled to be recognised. Her vision turned black and darkness reclaimed its spot in her mind once again.

Was darkness playing with her again?

She could not move her body. She felt like her soul and thoughts were trapped in a tight bubble with strong walls around it. She was paraplyzed. However, the sound of her heartbeat echoed loudly in the space, adding a special background music to the place.

She waited.

Suddenly, she could feel how she was pulled from one place to another. A warm breath could be felt on her fur as a word broke through the space, "Citrinemoon."

She knew the voice. The voice that she craved for all the time, except this was the best time she had ever heard it.

The desperation in his voice broke her heart completely as her name was repeated for more times. Taking a deep breath, the fear was long gone and her heart was lit with the flame of determination.

She slammed her thoughts around the walls, the chance of meeting Sparrowpaw again just within her reach. She could feel the force of the walls slipping away slowly as lights slowly refilled the area. She was making progress.

If she could possibly control her body right now, she would have grinned.

Finally, she broke through the bubble. A blinding light painted her vision white for a short heartbeat before she opened her eyes slowly. A pair of bright brown eyes widened at the sight of her as Sparrowpaw buried his head into her blood red fur. The tom was at a loss for words for the first time in his entire life.

A small black cat peeked from beside her nervously, shooting a worried glance at her. Then, she realized that she was lying on the ground near the cave entrance. She was very certain that she did not look good, with the wounds on her back and blood that gave her fur a new colour.

The badger was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is the badger?" Her throat was so dry that she had to squeeze out the words. Sparrowpaw looked into her eyes and mewed, "Lapwingstar came and saved you. He is currently fighting it."

Hearing how Lapwingstar was risking his life for her, she stood up immediately from the ground. Her legs could barely carry her entire body as they were shaking slightly. Staring at the inside of the cave which was covered by darkness, a feeling of dread crept from the pit of her stomach.

"What are you doing?" Sparrowpaw blocked her way before she could step forward. His teeth clenched tightly as he stared straight into her eyes with a scowl.

"I am trying to help," His mentor explained calmly even though her heart was racing, "Lapwingstar definitely cannot take down the badger by himself. We were partners when we were young."

Seeing how the brown tom was still unconvinced, she added, "That is the only possible way we can defeat the badger. I can do that."

Sparrowpaw nodded reluctantly and Citrinemoon ran into the cave with inconvenience, her heart secretly melting over how her son cared about her. At a deeper part of the cave, she found the leader and the badger fighting. The big hole near the ceiling of the cave, providing the only light source for her to see.

Although her vision was a bit dim, Citrinemoon's eyes scanned over his features as she spotted a huge gash on his back. She remembered all the training about partners that she had had and it renewed her confidence in defeating the badger.

Meeting the leader's eyes, Citrinemoon nodded firmly and forgot about her fear before. Odds were definitely not in their favour, considering how they were tired and injured, therefore, timing was the key.

Waiting for a chance of attacking, Citrinemoon hid in the dark as she observed the fight. Lapwingstar gave the badger a scratch on its back leg and turned its attention towards him. Its back was now facing Citrinemoon and it was focusing fully on attacking the leader.

Citrinemoon saw her chance. She threw herself forward, crouching low and clamped her jaws tightly on the badger's back leg. The badger was startled by this sudden attack as it turned, facing towards the deputy.

Lapwingstar took the opportunity as he leaped on top of the badger, trying to keep his balance. However, he fell to the ground when the badger shook its body. Its sharp claw left a huge scratch on his underbelly and he winced in response.

Citrinemoon decided it would be unwise for her to climb on the badger. She had to wait for Lapwingstar to fight against it as partners. For now, her only choice was to distract it. Taking a deep breath, she aimed for its back leg and delivered a deep scratch. When the creature turned towards her once again and struck, she ducked, twisted around, rolling on her back and sprang on her paws once again.

Lapwingstar was ready for the attack as they exchanged a confident glance once again. They fell into a defensive position quickly, each protecting each other's back while facing the opponent. The leader shot her a glance as she nodded again, both leaping off the ground and landing on the badger's back at the same time.

Citrinemoon nearly slipped but she managed to grip tightly on its back to keep her balance. She definitely could not ignore the dizziness in her head and the things in front of her eyes began to shake slightly. The badger was not prepared for the sudden attack as it was trying its best to get the two cats off its back. However, the damage was already done. The two partners were clawing deeply into its back before they got thrown to the ground.

They got up immediately and proceeded to attack. Citrinemoon flashed a shakened smile as she took a quick breath. Then, she threw herself at the badger. Lapwingstar matched her move as well and the impact caught the badger off guard. They grabbed the chance again as they slid under its underbelly and gave it scratches.

At last, the badger escaped from the two cats as it ran into the deepest part of the cave, never to be seen again. Citrinemoon stood up from her position slowly, the excitement that filled her head forgotten. Her paws could barely handle the weight of her body and she was extremely exhausted, but she could never forget how on this day, she finally defeated a badger.

Catching Lapwingstar's concerned glance, she replied silently with a faint smile.

They did it.