jealousy
The bass thumped through the wooden floor like the heartbeat of the city. Red and blue neon lights sliced through the crowd, and the scent of perfume mixed with alcohol into a sweet, sharp haze. It was the birthday party of a young film director. Half the guests were from the crew, the others were friends from school, and together they turned the river-view penthouse into a giant music box.
Lena stood against the wall, holding her first beer. Her dark blue shirt was rolled up to the elbows, the top button undone just enough, her hair tied low. From the dim corner, she looked straight toward the dance floor where Miu, in a red dress that glowed like a traffic light just turning green, was laughing with someone else.
The man was Ky, the production assistant. He had a warm smile and an easy laugh. His hands rested politely at the upper edge of Miu's waist. The music was too loud, so he bent close to say something in her ear. Miu covered her mouth to laugh, her cheeks glowing pink under the light.
Lena took a small sip. The bitterness slid down her throat and left a faint roughness behind. Irritation spread through her chest, hot and quiet, until it turned into a kind of heavy silence. She knew she looked like a statue in the corner. She knew her gaze was too sharp. She also knew that Ky's hand had just slipped a little lower, not quite on the waist anymore but on her hip.
"Trying to burn someone with your eyes?"
The voice came from beside her. Noi, the round-faced cinematographer, had appeared without warning, holding a soda. Lena flinched slightly and looked away from the dance floor long enough to throw her a brief glance.
"No."
Noi made an exaggerated "oh," then followed Lena's gaze toward the dancers. "Ah, I see." She clicked her tongue lightly. "Jealous?"
"Of what?" Lena replied too quickly.
Noi leaned on the wall, sipping her drink slowly. "We both know everyone saw Miu sitting on your lap during last week's screening, even though the armchair right next to you was empty. And that red dress tonight, it fits her so well it's almost dangerous."
Lena tightened her grip on the glass. "There's nothing to be jealous of," she said in a voice as flat as glass.
"Jealousy isn't about what she has," Noi said with a small grin, "it's about fearing someone else might get what already feels like yours."
"Yours?" Lena turned to her. "Don't say nonsense."
Noi shrugged. "You don't have to admit it. But the way your eyes followed Ky's hand when it dropped lower, even my camera can't track that accurately." Her tone softened. "Go talk to her. Don't just stand here hugging the wall."
"She's laughing," Lena said quietly. "She looks happy."
"And you look sad." Noi's voice lost its teasing edge. "You don't have to pull her away from the dance floor. But if you want to be near her, at least say something."
Lena finished the last sip of her warm beer. The bitterness had faded. She set the glass on the counter and slipped out of the crowd before Noi could say anything more. When she looked back, a stripe of green light ran across Miu's cheek. Lena stopped for half a second, then kept walking.
⸻
Miu was annoyed.
Not at Ky, who was kind and fun to dance with and mostly kept his hands where they should be. She was annoyed because she had used the oldest trick in the book, making herself look happy with someone else so the person she actually cared about would notice, and it had failed. Lena had stayed in her corner, tall and beautiful and cold, her shadow long on the wall, while Miu's heart kept pacing back and forth inside her chest.
An hour passed. Three songs. Several times, Miu had "accidentally" turned her body so her face pointed toward that corner. Every time, Lena was still there. Until suddenly, she wasn't.
"Huh?" Miu rose on tiptoe, eyes scanning above the heads of the crowd. Nothing. She caught Ky's hand for balance.
"Looking for someone?" Ky asked.
"No," Miu said, forcing a small smile. "Sorry... I'm going to get a drink."
"Sure, have fun," Ky said, still smiling but confused.
Miu walked to the bar. No Lena. She circled the balcony. No Lena. She checked the hallway. Still no Lena. Her heart sank like a cat's ears drooping in the rain. Once again, she had thrown every sign she could, and the person she wanted to see had simply watched from afar, then disappeared.
She sighed, straightened her dress, and decided to go to the bathroom before heading home. Pajamas, ice cream, and pretending not to be upset, that was the plan.
The hallway to the restroom was quieter, the light softer and warm, the carpet thick enough to swallow the sound of her heels. The door slid open to reveal two stalls. One was empty. Miu stepped in. A few minutes later, she came out, tying her dress strap and washing her hands, already thinking about the box of vanilla ice cream waiting in her freezer.
Then she saw someone in the mirror.
Straight brown hair. A dark blue shirt tucked neatly into trousers. Broad shoulders. Hands under the running water. The person she had been watching all night.
"Hi," Miu said. Her voice sounded calm, though her heartbeat wasn't.
Lena looked up. Their eyes met in the mirror. "Hi, Miu. Having fun?"
Now I am, Miu thought, smiling slightly. "Yeah. The dancing was good."
Lena tore a paper towel and dried her hands. "Because of your partner?"
The words came out sharper than she meant. Miu stayed calm. "Ky? He's sweet. He asked me to grab a drink after this." She tilted her head slightly, a strand of hair falling behind her ear. "I think he likes me."
Lena's shoulders tensed just a little. "Are you going?"
Miu looked up, her dark eyes wide and deliberate. "There's no reason not to, right, Lena?"
Silence stretched. Lena tried to find something to say that didn't include the words jealous or don't go. Words she didn't want to use to cage anyone. "Go if you want to," she said with a polite smile that felt cruel to herself. "It'll probably be fun."
She turned to leave, hand on the door handle.
Miu didn't let the door close.
She caught Lena's wrist, the pull light but firm enough to turn her back around. The space between them shortened. Lena's scent, not sweet but warm and woody, brushed against Miu's breath.
"Are you sure there's no reason, Lena?" Miu asked softly, holding the wrist with both hands as if keeping a kite string from slipping away.
Lena froze. There were things in her eyes she had tried not to tell. Then her free hand lifted, touching Miu's cheek, slow and careful like she might break glass. She brushed a strand of hair aside. Her fingertips left a trail of warmth across Miu's skin.
"Are you sure you want a reason?" Lena whispered. "You don't want to go out with Ky? You don't want to dance with him or kiss him?"
Miu's eyes widened. The idea of a choice lasted one second before it disappeared. "Are you crazy?" she said, gripping Lena's other wrist tighter. "Why would I want that?"
Lena gave a small, nervous laugh, trying to scratch her neck but caught in Miu's hold. "Ky's nice. Everyone likes him. He fits all the boxes."
"Lena," Miu interrupted, her voice low and steady. "I don't want Ky. I want you."
A tiny door opened in Lena's eyes, like a window unlatched. "Are you sure?"
Miu didn't answer with words. She rose on tiptoe, pulling both of Lena's wrists down so she had to bend toward her. Their lips met in a brief kiss, light enough that their breaths blended. "I'm sure," Miu murmured, the words brushing Lena's mouth.
The second kiss came before the first could fade. Lena freed her hands and slid them around Miu's waist, down to her hips, exactly where Ky's hands had been wrong all night. Miu felt her knees weaken, the hallway spinning slowly. When Lena's tongue brushed hers, she grabbed the hem of Lena's shirt and thought, dimly, that even if someone opened the door, she wouldn't care.
The door did open. A startled voice stammered "Oh, sorry!" and quickly shut it again. Miu broke the kiss halfway and pressed her face into Lena's shoulder, breathing hard. Her fingertips had already slipped beneath the edge of Lena's shirt, touching warm skin.
Lena laughed quietly, the sound rumbling against Miu's chest. "So, what now?"
"What now?" Miu looked up, eyes still bright from the light. "Now we go to my place. Pajamas. Ice cream."
"That's it?" Lena teased.
"That's it. I was going to comfort myself tonight because I didn't have you. But with you, the ice cream will taste better."
Lena's smile softened. She laced her fingers with Miu's and opened the door. "Sounds like a good plan."
⸻
When they returned to the party, the music felt louder than before. Noi noticed them walking side by side. Miu looked casual, as if she had really just gone to the restroom. Lena looked calm, as if she had only gone to change a lightbulb. Their hands were intertwined in the shadow between them.
Ky spotted them at the bar, still hopeful. "Miu, later maybe—"
"Sorry," Miu said gently, her voice like a spoon touching glass. "I'm leaving with someone else tonight."
Ky blinked, then gave a small, awkward smile. "Oh. Alright. Have fun." He caught Lena's eyes, realized what was happening, and stepped aside quietly.
From across the room, Noi raised an eyebrow at Lena. Nice work. Lena shot her a glare that said, Don't you dare.
In the elevator, silence fell like rain. Miu watched the numbers descend, her hand still held in Lena's. Lena looked at the mirror and saw a girl in a red dress standing beside her, eyes too bright for midnight. She turned and whispered, "Were you jealous earlier?"
"Jealous of who?" Miu said, pretending to be indifferent, then smiled, a dimple appearing. "I just hate when people put their hands in the wrong place."
"And did I put mine in the right place?" Lena's voice was husky.
"Perfectly," Miu said without blinking.
⸻
Miu's small apartment on the seventh floor was filled with warm yellow light. On the fridge was a note with her mother's recipe for banoffee pie. A blanket lay over the couch. Inside the freezer were two tubs of ice cream, vanilla and chocolate. Miu took them both out and waved a spoon like a scepter.
"Which flavor do you want?"
"You," Lena said.
"Stop that," Miu laughed, her ears turning red as she handed over the spoon. "Vanilla."
They sat cross-legged on the carpet, the ice cream between them. The TV played an old movie with the sound turned off. Their spoons clinked a few times, half on purpose and half by accident. Miu wore one of Lena's hoodies, too big for her, sleeves falling past her hands. She looked like a kitten trapped in fabric.
"What are you smiling at?" Lena asked.
"You," Miu said simply. "It's the first time I've seen you not standing against a wall."
"I'm standing next to you," Lena said, then lifted her spoon. "Open your mouth."
"Oh my God," Miu laughed and obeyed, the vanilla melting cold on her tongue. "If I ever have to shoot a fake kissing scene later, don't get jealous."
"There's nothing fake," Lena said. "And don't try it."
"So possessive," Miu teased, then turned serious, her voice small. "Lena."
"Hmm?"
"I've liked you for a long time." She looked down at the spoon, her reflection bent in the metal. "So if tomorrow you change your mind and say tonight was because of the music or the drinks or whatever, I won't pretend I'm okay."
Lena set down her spoon, leaned forward, and pressed her forehead against Miu's. The distance between them was small enough to count each eyelash. "There's no 'because of.' There's only 'because.' Because of you."
"Because of me what?"
"Because you make me want to go home."
Miu clutched the edge of the hoodie and smiled slowly, like sunrise. "Then let's have breakfast together tomorrow."
"Yeah," Lena said. "And the days after that."
"And get a dog?"
"Yes."
"What should we name it?"
"Mocha," Lena said without hesitation.
Miu laughed and buried her face in her shoulder. "Coffee and milk. Sounds just like us."
"Yeah," Lena said softly. "A little bitter, a little sweet."
Outside, the river flowed quietly under strips of light. Inside, the TV played a scene they had forgotten to unmute. On the carpet lay two spoons and a half-empty tub of ice cream. Their next kiss came light as wind, unhurried, needing no proof of anything. It was simply a continuation of what had already begun in that hallway.
Miu nestled into Lena's chest like a space made exactly for her. "Tonight I don't have to be strong, right?"
"No," Lena whispered, brushing a hand through her hair. "Not from now on."
"Promise," Miu mumbled, her eyelids heavy. "I'll make you take responsibility."
"I hope you do," Lena said.
The night ended with the quiet sound of a spoon dropping into the empty box and two breaths falling into the same rhythm. Tomorrow, the world would be loud again. But when the window opened and sunlight touched the carpet, the smell of coffee would rise to meet the walls. And from now on, every morning would begin with a wordless greeting: We're home.
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