manga spoilers, blind reader

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"You have an aura of anger that follows you everywhere, Shinobu."

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When I was rendered blind, I didn't know what to do. I didn't have anything to hold on to, no one to trust, no pillar to support myself on. My family abandoned me as soon as they heard the diagnosis from the doctor, convinced that no God-given child would be as defective as me. They were extremely pious and only believed in perfection, that the blessed would only be perfect. 

Demons soon became a problem when I had no home, and I spent most of my night hiding or running from the creatures. Dawn was a blessing to me, the warmth of the sunlight heating my cold, shivering body and giving me the hope the live another day. Because I was blind, my others senses were especially keen.

When I put my hands to the ground, I could feel the tremors deep inside the Earth, I could hear the wails and cries of those that had been slain by demons. When I would sleep on the ground, my nightmares would be plagued with the shrieks of fear. I wanted so desperately for the crying to go away, I would do anything.  

I learned about the nature of demons, how they took and took, but never gave. Ravenous, hungry beasts that feasted upon the flesh of humans to satiate their appetite. It was disgusting, and only fueled my motivation more. My ears soon caught word of an organization that trained humans to fight against the otherworldly beasts, and that became my only passion.

I had nothing else.

I fought and I trained, and despite those who looked upon my milky white eyes in disgust, who only spat words of negative consequence, I continued my journey until I became my own pillar. I could stand proudly and walk forwards without needing anyone anymore. Joining the others at Master's estate was arguably one of the best moments.

Oh, I wish I could've seen everyone's faces when I admitted that I was blind. That would've been funny.

But from the moment I walked on the sacred grounds, I felt something. I felt an irregularity in the peace. It made me nauseous just being around it, and the pits of my stomach stirred when I detected it.

Sadness, fear, disparity. 

The aura emitted from all of the Pillars. I knew in my heart that they'd all lost something, much like I did. If my heart could break in a literal sense, it would be flecking off in tiny bits every time I walked past one of my companions. The ones that fought so hard to defend others had sad backgrounds of their own.

Sometimes, it was like I could hear their thoughts. Giyuu, who had lost a dear friend, Gyomei, who had his friends mercilessly slaughtered, Sanemi, who'd killed his own mother because she turned into a demon. Among many others, the ones that had flown to the highest of rankings were the individuals who had cried and wept the most.

Shinobu's aura was different, however.

Although she laughed, joked, and maintained a calm attitude at all times, the feeling she gave off was the strongest and most unsettling. 

To put it simply, it was pure, unadulterated anger.

She held rage in her soul for the monsters that had killed thousands, and was often mad at herself for being so weak to begin with. Shinobu was frustrated that her God-given body was so puny compared to the other Pillars', bitter at the death of an older sister, and furious at the audacity of the Muzan to keep creating the beasts that had pillaged humanity for so long.

Telling her just one simple sentence was enough. Telling her that I knew was enough.

The Insect Pillar grew quiet, and I could faintly hear her eyelashes bat and hands shift uncomfortably in her lap. 

"Well," she said gingerly, "I guess you know now." A small, fragile chuckle came out, one that would decidedly break more chunks off of my heart. Feeling around for her hand, I found it after a few seconds and clasped it, holding it to my chest, letting her feel my pulse. Her teeth tugged at her lip as she sighed, eyes averting downwards. 

A dry breeze blew eastward, ruffling Shinobu's hair and making the trees sing with a melancholy melody. The low notes embodied the voices of the dead, a dreary tension settling on both of us. The ravenette drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out, squeezing my hand.

"I know that you can feel my regrets. You can hear and feel our innermost thoughts and dreams. My cultivated anger is something that never goes away, and to repress it, to keep it from showing, I put on a happy face and act like it doesn't bother me.

"My sister used to be like this. Serene, calm, caring. I thought if I could emulate the same techniques in her personality, maybe it would hurt less. Maybe I could get over it. Maybe I could..." Her voice broke and she immediately tried to hide it with a cough, but I could feel her quivering fingers wrapped up in mine.

"I thought," she continued, tone stronger this time, "maybe my anger would be suppressed. But it didn't work. The emotions stayed the same, and people seemed to not push it. So I kept it. I melted into it. I said to myself: 'This is you, this is the person you want to be.' I wanted to help others so effortlessly as she did and protect as many people as I could from danger." Shinobu turned to face the receding horizon.

"But how did my feelings end up like this?"

I patted her back, careful not to tread on anything too sensitive. She was still angry, even now, when venting her emotions. She realized that I was perceptive to secrets, and that might've been the reason she was so open to me. But hearing her pain-ridden voice was something I never could've sensed in a million years.

I didn't have any advice for her, but I knew I could be there for her.

"I'll support you," I spoke, shifting my head so I faced her, "I'll be there for you when you're angry. I'll stay by your side for as long as I can. Even though all of us are plagued with the haunting memories of the past, we need to learn that we're not alone.

"It's only natural for us to feel devastated when we lose something dear to us. We blame ourselves, get mad, and try to cope. But at some point we have to know when to make new beginnings. It's easy to hang on to the past, but those horrors have to become the motivation for a brand new start.

"Maybe we can both start together."

Now and forever, I'll be by your side, fighting, struggling, winning.

For as long as my heart beats, you can trust that I will do my best for you.

As revenge for all the pain and worries that have racked your mind and sent shivers down your spine, I will inflict that upon demons by tenfold. 

Shinobu, please keep smiling. I cannot see it, but some of my broken heart mends back together when I feel that you are happy. 

I'm sure everyone else feels the same too.