I.

I dream of you.

Dream of the nuzzle of your gun

The arrogant glint in your eyes

Stoop shoulders and three o'clock shadow

I dream of you, often.

I've yet to realize

Until I met you:

That death could be so beautiful.

II.

Sun sinking

They are here. Finally.

Your voice is clear,

Echoing across the sea of troops, waiting for your commands.

"Bring them to hell

Or I will do that to you"

I can't choose 'cause

Isn't this already hell?

What's the point of sending them to another?

But I persevere and brace myself as the force rises like a black tide.

I don't want to go hell, one way or another.

III.

You're a boy of steel

A soldier, a sergeant

Born to wield a gun not a pen.

You would slap my back and

Yell:

"Get your ass up and

Start fighting.

Don't be a pussy."

You would never catch my pleading gaze

And instead would walk away.

I'm not a soldier like you

I don't want to fight

I want to die

I'm a suicidal boy

My skin wasn't hardened by the scars

They marred my heart and choked my soul

"Zip your lips

And fight."

You said.

IV

Desperate animals are dangerous animals,

You know that?

V

You're there

Watching me fall

In my dream, in reality, beyond the future

You're there watching me fall

How

Could you not smile

When you're the one who fire the gun?