- Shadow!

I scream his name as loud as I could, running around to search for him. I can feel my voice breaking every time I repeat myself, but no matter how many times I call, I can only hear my voice echo back.

After a while, I stopped being exhausted since my body was exhausted from running for too long for a long time. I hate this place which is pitch black and seemingly endless. It's empty and confining me here. I suddenly felt a stinging sensation at the tip of my nose like I am going to cry.

Perhaps through all that has happened, I have understood the fear of losing someone. The impatience of thinking that you will live well without the other person is the most stupid thing in the world. And I won't let myself suffer that loss again, especially when it's you - Shadow. I can not stand myself crying helplessly, knowing I could have done something to change that outcome. And I know I would never forgive myself for failing you. I would rather die.

- Shadow, please!

He always smiles, which is probably the only thing I consider positive about him. But, I always felt concerned about that character, it made me unable to understand his true feelings. Sometimes I wish he would stop smiling. I know that smile is the only thing to express his happiness, but it is also the thing that hides his true emotions.

I fear Shadow's smile, and now, it is running deep in my veins. Why are you smiling like that? Why is that smile full of sadness, disappointment but relief? Please don't smile like that when you say "Goodbye" to me!

I can feel my throat burning, but I can't stop but call for him desperately. Someone, please, bring him back to me.

"But, you can't call someone if you don't even know their name, Arashi."

...

I woke up from my dream, more like a nightmare. But, if that was a dream, our time at the park was fake. I can feel my body soaked in sweat, with my eyes blurred with tears. I tried to wipe them away with my hand, but something resisted.

Blood transfusion? Why am I having a blood transfusion? Why does my throat hurt so much? Why are my hands bandaged? Where am I?

I looked around for a while; the whole room was white, and all I see is the wall and some machines. The familiar scent of that antiseptic alcohol wafted through the air, and I realized I was in the hospital. But why do I have to come here?

I tried to sit up, but my whole body ached. My throat hurts, I feel my throat sting when I try to open my mouth to speak. I felt something heavy on my leg and it surprises me.

- Aliaa?

She was sleeping, apparently, quite deep into it too. I can see that her eyes are a bit red, and her eyelids are filled with tears. She cries herself to sleep. Did she cry because of me?

- Arashi?

Aliaa woke up dreamily, those blue eyes looked straight at me making me startle. Mixed in that blue was fatigue, which almost seem like ebony and deep enough to trap me inside. She sat up straight, looking at me in shock. Her lips are moving, but she can not speak any words. And instead of voicing her inner turmoil, the surge of emotions brought tears to her eyes. Aliaa reached and hugged me tightly and cried.

Her tears streamed down my shoulder; I can feel her tears burning through my skin. She clung to my body, sobbing uncontrollably. She kept hitting on my chest repeatedly. As if she wanted to express the displeasure in her heart that she couldn't put into words. I don't know what to do, but seeing her like this kills me. All I could do is hug her to comfort her, yet I unintentionally cried along with Aliaa.

- You dumb idiot, how could you? Can you both care about me for one bit? What am I to you guys? I thought we were friends, but all you do is figure things out by yourself, then ended up leaving me alone.

She tries to wipe her tears away as she speaks with a trembling voice. The more she asks me, the more her voice cracks. And just looking at her breaks me even more.

- I don't understand, Aliaa. I was finding Shadow and-

- He's dead, Arashi! Accept it!

She screamed in distress. I can feel her grief as her hand gripped mine in anger. Tears still streamed down Aliaa's face, and she started biting her lip to hold it back. Bite until it spits out blood.

- He's dead, Arashi. He left us. You have been looking for him for almost a month. Now you even try to find him in the other world? Do you think this is a sick joke?

- What? What are you saying?

I startle, can't believe what I just hear. Shadow is dead? But he promises to stay by my side forever. He hates liars; he won't break his swear like that.

- You must be kidding, right? He would never

- No, do I look like I'm joking? Even if you break your promises, why are you surprised he did it too?

Those tired emerald eyes stared straight into my soul. It was empty and full of melancholy, no longer the shining blue stone as before. It is soaked in tears of sorrow and anger and is crushing me.

- I don't understand, Aliaa. All I remember is we went out, and Shadow talked to me at the riverside. He told me to woke up, then everything turned black. That's why I went looking for him.

I tried to explain, but my voice was shaky and faltering. My throat hurts, though I don't want Aliaa to cry. What's going on? What happened before? Why can't I remember anything? Why does Aliaa say Shadow is dead?

He won't leave us. He already promised.

Right?

- You can't remember anything, Arashi? _ She asked me suspiciously confused, what did I forget?

- Where is Shadow, Aliaa? Where's my best friend?

...

The whole day in my brain was just blurry memories, I couldn't remember anything and didn't understand what was happening. I asked about Shadow countless times, but all I got in return was Aliaa's disgusted shake of her head. She looked at me with the same confusion, then turned away and said she would take me to see Shadow later. Not long after that, my mother arrived, slamming her wings and storming into the room as soon as Aliaa left.

Mother's long, jet-black hair was washed away, returning to its original silvery-white color. Although it has become more compact, it seems that because of running, it is messed up again. Blue eyes like the sea, it glitters and waves. She slowly approached me, gently but with a hint of anger.

- Mom, I-

Before I could finish my sentence, she slapped me painfully.

- DUMBASS!

She shouts at me, loudly. I just sit there frozen as I rest my hand on my cheek to rub away the burn from the slap. Perhaps, I was used to this kind of treatment from her, and who am I to be surprised? However, this is the first time I ever see her cry. Why is she crying?

Her face starts turning a bit red, and her face melts as she cries more and more. Despite all that, she doesn't say anything. She looks at me, then looks down to the ground, holding her hand tightly like she's holding back something. She clutched her heart, it made my heart tighten. Mom wanted to say something, and so did I, but we both seemed to have swallowed it.

Mother, I'm sorry!

All emotions seemed to stir inside me when I saw my mother kneeling beside the hospital bed, both hands clasped tightly around mine. I can feel my mother trembling with each sob. She holds my hand and caresses it, sometimes squeezing it but then gently kissing it, the scars on my wrists, the whole sheet. Rough gauze bandages are wrapped around.

- Are you hurt?

She whispers, those ocean eyes looking up at me again. Although the mother is no longer crying, the sea is still fierce. Her eyes were a little angry but full of love.

- Did the slap hurt? Are you in pain now?

- I'm sorry, Mom.

Somehow, I start crying.

The image of the mother I always loved, now kneeling beside me, with a tired and baffled look. Mom cried - I made her cry.

Once again.

- I'm sorry, Mom.

I hiccup, repeating the same sentence over and over. Holding my mother's hand involuntarily. Oh, it's so warm, Mom's hands are so warm.

- It hurts, it hurts badly.

Mom hugged me, put her hand on my head, and rubbed it. With one hand still holding my hand, she gently stroked my hair - just like she used to do.

- I'm sorry too.

The child is teary, vulnerable. The child is weak but always tries to be strong, always tries to be strong. I am such a child. Yes, I'm just a kid. When a child cries, he wants to be pampered by his mother.

I hugged my mother tightly, grabbed her shirt, and cried loudly, repeatedly saying sorry to her. I don't want to let go, to let go of this warmth. I've always been afraid of the cold, but I couldn't hold my mother in our house. Because I would never feel welcome in with its freezing, unsmiling inhabitants. But now it is possible.

Please, Mom, don't leave me.

- Please, Arashi, don't leave me. I can't face it once again. I've lost my daughter, I can't lose you. Son, never do that again.

But, What did I do?

...

-What is this? Some kind of sick joke or something?

I turned to ask Aliaa, but she just looked at me without saying anything. Those eyes were determined but mixed with deep melancholy - it was enough to make me feel despair. I could feel myself shaking; my legs seemed unsteady.

Is this for real? Is this tombstone his? It doesn't even have his name engraved on it - just the word "Rest in peace".

Shadow is dead? Did I lose him?

That alone was enough for me to completely fall apart. My legs went limp, my body crumpled to the green grass helplessly. My head ached, and my eyes couldn't close. It was so painful. I need water to soothe my eyes, and that is my tears. They fall uncontrollably.

It seemed that in those brief moments that seemed to last forever - a place where only darkness was surrounding me. Are my eyes still open? Why can't I see anything? Why can't I see you? Shadow, where are you?

I open my eyes, but you seem to have disappeared forever into the night.

Please, Shadow, you're my light. Come back!

The serene sound... Can you hear it?

Here, there is only the sound of leaves rustling on the trees, fluctuating with each beat of the wind. Aliaa stepped closer to me, she knelt beside me, trembling hands clasped in prayer. My ears start to ring, blocking every sound, even my crying. All I knew was that my vision was blurred, only my hands clutching at his tombstone - the cold, stiff stone. It's not as warm as it used to be, it's not as warm as you used to be.

I leaned against Aliaa, shrieking and sobbing like a child. She hugged me and cried too. Perhaps both cannot accept this fact and do not want to accept it. I didn't want to let myself fall back into despair again, and Aliaa didn't want to be alone again.

We both disagree, what about you?

In this place, there was no longer the sound of laughter as before, instead, there were the sobs of two children. Crying out of regret, pain, and anger.

Isn't that right, dear friend?

Answer me, Shadow.

This is where it all started, where I saw you in the distance running down to help and where we meet Aliaa - the girl running away from the hustle and bustle of the city. This is where we throw away all our worries. It's a place to take refuge when we all decide to leave home - this is where my birthday was celebrated.

Here we not only extend our arms to protect ourselves, we are protected by this forest and wiped away our tears.

But I never thought I would hate this place so much.

This is where he will lie down, an eternal sleep.

This place was very peaceful, but it could not bring peace to us.

...

Aliaa said I committed suicide, about a month after Shadow.

I was finding him, the light of mine.

While forgetting my other purpose of living here is Her - Aliaa. 

END Chapter 15

__________________________________________

I'M BACK!!

I GOT TO HIGHSCHOOL!