Dedicated to the one and only
Taylor Alison Swift.

I think when it's all over, it just comes back and flashes, you know. It's like a kaleidoscope of memories, it just all comes back, but he never does.

I think part of me knew the second I saw him that this would happen. It's not really anything he said, or anything he did. It was the feeling that came along with it, and the crazy thing is, I don't ever know if I'm gonna feel that way again. But I don't know if I should.

I knew this world moved too fast, and burned too bright. But I just thought, how can the devil be pulling you towards someone who looks so much like an angel when he smiles at you? Maybe he knew that when he saw me. I guess I just lost my balance. I think that the worst part of it all wasn't losing him.

It was losing me.

I remember myself falling for him, so passionately in love with him himself. I remember the moment he comes around and the armor falls, he was like a cannonball, piercing the room. He was the spotlight, and I was a moth being drawn to him. He lured me in, the sensation was so sweet, so lovely, so wild.

He was the sunshine, the sweet cinnamon roll, my everything. And loving him was red, all I could sense was the color red itself. The color is so passionate, so bright, so... reckless. I've been seeing memories, like the sense of déjà vu, they have been vague, so fragile that I don't dare to snap at them at all, for they would fade away.

Four blue eyes like clear blue water. We were alone up in his room cuddling. All the conversations, all the lovely words and his crooked smile. I have known for all that time, that this slope would be treacherous, that this love story would be a sad beautiful tragic, I have known it all too well. But I liked it.

Because loving him was like driving a new Maserati down a dead end street; loving him was like trying to change your mind once you're already flying through the free fall. I didn't love him because he was a bad boy, or for his fortune. It was just the feeling when I first saw him, his sweet disposition, and that gap between his teeth. I guess I was dazed, and I even saw sparks fly whenever he smiled his crooked smile.

And I knew he was trouble the moment he saw me dancing. He found me, alone. And I fell for him, the temptation was intimidating.

We both fell down a rabbit hole, I guess.

Mom has told me not to rush into things. Not to be reckless. Not to be so ignorant. I feared, too, for my own heartbreak, and he'd called it a cheshire cat smile. Falling in love is not a sin, it's not heaven at all. It is this magical feeling that has adrenaline burning inside of your system every second you are with him. Great love keeps you guessing; real love is ever changing; and true love drives you crazy. Now that the feeling has gone, it left me with madness, mad with my dumb reckless self, mad that he has left me at all.

Loving him kept me asking questions, "Are we out of the woods yet?" "Are we in the clear yet?" And I would be smart to walk away, but he was quick sand.

Looking at the polaroids hanging in rows above my bed, I drew in a deep breath and winked back the teats frantically. I remember it was last December that he found out the whole world was black and white, but we were in screaming color. It was last December that we decided to move the furnitures so we could dance.

Two paper airplanes, two heartbreaks.

It's all over now.

From Raven, to Anne [tangledhindsights ].

I love you.

Westminster, CA

Jan 24, 2016 @ 00:00 A.M.