Ino Yamanaka, 2008

Your Secret Diary 

When I grow up, I want to be somebody. Not common, not seen before, but like a pearl in the ocean that hasn't been seen for a hundred years. To be a star, one must have twinkle. You have a light; a glimmer that doesn't just fade away. Because in a constellation you may not be at the center of it, or be the biggest one, but you can definitely be the brightest. 

If I'm going to be an action star, I want to show that I'm not all about curves and a pretty face (how I wish). I'm going to be the woman with claws, sexy but she's a vixen. Perhaps a blonde Angelina Jolie? She's famous for her dark demeanour; it's her brand. I just want to be an inspiration to society, you know, a voice that will reach out to girls and tell them there's more to a woman than just using her sexuality as an appearance--it's using her strength and skills to stand up her for herself, in times when we're going to look weak in the face of society where men are utterly and foully overpowering. 

That is, I found out I have a sickness in me...a disease, and it's rare and raw, but I can still manage. It just bothers me that I have something I know not fully how to control of it, because the lack of knowledge sometimes can lead to terrible things. 

"Ino. What is wrong with you?"

I purse my lips, frowning. 

"Come on. You can tell me anything, right? Speak up."

"I think I have...superpowers." I breathe heavily, and as of this moment Daddy looks at me with hopeful eyes. "It's not what it looks like. And I'm not making it up. I'm not stupid. Ever."

"Would you try demonstrating it for me?" 

"To be honest, I'm angry. First of all, I'm angry because Shakespeare is starting to piss me off! Like who would want to read thick pages of a book that says ancient words--it's like, do we even want to hear it Spanish? Hell no!"

"You're lucky you even memorized a single line. I'm the bad guy and I haven't even started." 

"But the play's next week, dummy. You're what, Juliet's cousin? The one with Devil's horns on??"

"Tybalt, at your best service, madame." He laughed on his own. "Don't say peace; it's not in my vocabulary." He added, "Nice armlet. You look sexy in it." 

"Thanks." It's where I keep my magic. 

"Do your parents know?" Kiba smirks at me. "That you're sixteen and drinking?"

I roll my eyes at him. Typical Inuzuka boy is not your average kind of guy. 

"Whatever. Atleast I don't get laid." 

Don't condemn me--I'm still a virgin. But I've done...things. I've kissed a boy; I've been pinned against the wall; I've made moans. I like the feeling of connecting to someone as if you've opened some parts of yourself: your heart, your mind, those quirky thoughts; it makes me adore memories more than usual and collect them. Gather pretty, nasty and unbelievable moments. You know the ugliest part of love? When you reach the end of it, I say while he smokes his vape. So when I lay down in my bed of purple, I won't regret the consequences that will wait for me as I awake, but stand firm and laugh at the joy and pain that others did not take. 

I know what you're thinking: this may be slutty and unethical, but hey, I'm a good person and I know it. I go to Church with Sakura, the gang, or whoever. I don't give a damn of anybody's boyfriend--if they're taken, fine by me. Us teenagers just probably have developed this mentality nowadays; around urban cities, where it's liberated (I'm not proud of this), and weed is available even on the alley: virginity doesn't come up as a big deal anymore. You lose it, it's not Momma's fault. But you become a target, knowing that you've been touched and did all those activities that an 'adult' was supposed to have; you will search for it again deep down, and it's going to hurt pathologically as hell: the absence of a strong need that comes with a deadly price. 

I look for it. Orgasm. The guilt destroys me sometimes. Like, am I supposed to behave in such a way that I won't be frowned upon? I'm just sixteen, after all. 

I got introduced to the modern world by Kiba when I had been fourteen (I didn't look like one, plus I got to wear nice decent clothes, but still complimented my curves). I was 5'4 in an early age and the bouncers probably mistaken me as an angel, while Kiba stood by my side all night, introducing me to people whose faces are less remembered by me. Being in a rave party? It's all about freedom and meeting new people. 

Kiba and I, apparently share one thing in common: our love for liberty. 

I try not much to hang out during the night, but Sakura is this baby girl that chooses books over EDM music. This leaves me with the gang. My first time was at a mall party. I was alone; TenTen went home due to an emergency, and so I went to Kiba, half queazy and delightfully sober. He showed me everything. I loved the lights. I jumped, waved my hands in the air, sang along with the pandemonium (we'll run where lights won't chase us); it was a night of infinity, the ones you can never abandon. It just happens in a fleeting moment sometimes--happiness--before you know it, you'll wake up to the bark of your alarm clock and it's all over. The colors and DJs are gone. But at least they were real.

...

For Shakespeare Festival, we do what we do: work.

Neji portrays King Macbeth, a life that is about to become a tragedy as three hagged witches foreboded that he would be King someday. Brace yourself--it's more bloody than it sounds like. Everyone has a downfall, and Neji's grip for power turns him into this greedy King abusive of his power and derelict of his duties sitting on the throne. And I get to be Lady Macbeth, his blood-and-guts wife, pugnacious and inhumane, because she teaches him how to be a man, to seize into the crown before it gets late.

Speak of the angel here he is: arriving with a usual leather bag, black as pitch, poked with skulls. He's with Rock Lee, which names himself Karate Kid; Neji as Evangeline. Neji sees everything, Neji can see through barrels, and has a physical human strength that adds to his trait of being a dangerous man, probably a killer someday--of vampires and enemies that will hunt us from our doors. 

"I need a hand here, Evan." 

I hand him our script. I need help in familiarising with my own lines, or else I won't transform into this beautiful ferocious girl unless I divine her words.

The raven himself is hoarse

That croaks the fatal entrance of Duncan

Under my battlements.

Come, you spirits

That tend on mortal thoughts, unsex me here,

And fill me from the crown to the toe topful

Of direst cruelty!

"Listen carefully my wife," Neji sighs. "Picture yourself as a prey to Lord Duncan. What would you do?"

"I'd take control of his body, kill myself and be done with it."

"Ino." He warns. "As a woman back in the old era, you have got to stop being vulnerable. Perhaps it is time to dispose whatever gracefulness, kindness or mercy you have in there; for you will be facing a man, and to defeat it, one must act like it: an animal." 

I blink my eyes. Intelligence is attractive. 

"School is boring." I divulge. "We can be somewhere right now. Hollywood, California, Vegas...imagine if all you ever do is travel."

"Time is a precious thing. Before you know it, you shall be out in this campus and you will miss it. Think about the people: the everyday conversations, the gossips, the freedom you gain as a student."

"I don't know, Nej. It goes the same everyday--what they teach us in books--it becomes a routine. Fine, they're preparing us, but what if some people just aren't meant to be in here? What if they just want to go to college? I want to work already. I want to earn for a living and do things while I'm young. Josh Hutcherson thinks school is stupid."

"You think you're smart enough?" Neji chuckles . "Haven't you ever thought that nothing in this world is a piece of cake? You take that risk and go out there, when you could've finished what you started, people are going to dig deep into your profile. They're going to want for answers. It is a global competition--even if you choose to be a model, be a smart one. " 

"It's never easy. But I'm a risk taker. I just want to live. Right now. And this shit? Is delaying my plane tickets to Milan and Paris to get a modeling and acting career."

"If you are so delighted upon becoming one of those things," Neji says as he hands over the script, "for the mean time, do what you have to do." 

"I do not wish you discourage you from your dreams, but, your time will come eventually. You just have to wait. See what happens. Big things come from small beginnings." 

...

My name is Ultraviolet.

I can be the voice on the back of someone's head--talk to them; possess someone temporarily; make two people have contact and communicate with each other, while I can eavesdrop. A psychic. 

"What does that even mean? Just because I like purple?"

"Look, you're strong and you just haven't convinced yourself yet." TenTen says.

"Yeah, Sia. You're made of magnet. You make DIY weapons and grenades. Just woosh and sweep them clean and woella! You're done for the day." 

"Chill, pig." Sakura says, eating her fries. "Everyone has their pay here, you understand? We're never the same. I mean look at Hinata--she can see through someone's weak points, but she still has to improve her defence. Karin is a bloodbag, a juice of charisma which makes her a healer, too. But it's not that bad." 

"But I could've been more." I say. "I can't just be stuck with Mind-reading or whatever bullshit. I need a physical power. Something that won't make me feel useless." I look at Sakura, crossing my arms in a memory. "You knew what it felt like, right? I can't imagine I'm the only one left." 

TenTen stops eating and looks at me. 

"You're sixteen, for Christ' sake. Some gifts aren't actually a blessing; they're a curse. And do you know when is that time when you get it? When you're older. You haven't even lived yet, Vi." I feel as though TenTen is eating my heart, crushing it with her hands that have rings with iron fire. "You're not an earthy. How many times do I have to tell you that?"  

An earthy, huh?

An ordinary, foolish, selfish human being. 

"Maybe twice."

"Well then, stop acting like a princess because you're not helping yourself. You ought to be grateful you can even do stuff like that." 

Sakura and Hinata become quiet, the mute Hinata who just sips her porridge, Sakura swallowing the last piece of her meal. TenTen just continues eating. Finally she speaks. 

"I'm sorry. I just hate it. Insecurity." TenTen explains. "Believe me, it just ruins you. You don't want to go down that road." 

I just glare at her, my mouth open like a window left hanging. 

"I'm honestly curious to know what you're thinking" I say my words slowly, like forming a puzzle. "But I would rather not." 

"Is this about Temari?" Sakura mumbles. 

"Speak of the devil, it's her birthday in two days. I'm surprised my name was on the invitation." 

I reach out to her hand in touch it. TenTen says nothing but sighs, and tries to smile, even for a bit. She wears her hair in two Chinese buns, as part of their tradition. She has brown hair and brown eyes, a tan skin that to me would look like she's really Asian, and racial tension gets high these days, now that everyday someone's power gets larger; someone gets a year older; someone learns from their mistakes and take pride from it. 

TenTen on the other hand, Magnesia, lost to a battle to Temari, a Latina. It was a fair fight, but not justice to TenTen's part; we thought she could handle it, but nature was a friend to Temari, and TenTen was just the land to Temari's territory of the sea. Metal could kill, but air could drown you. 

Speaking of, Sand Siblings' issues never fail to be the main subject around campus. Temari with a caramel blonde hair, Kankuro who's obsessed with makeup (okay that was a joke), Gaara with the famous red hair. Back in elementary the Sand Siblings used to creep us all with their wild dresses, Temari being the least; she is the girl that inflates giant winds, a true whirler with the help of two sharp fans. Kankuro uses marionettes to slay. Gaara, being the youngest and apparently the strongest, is capable of much more--and that includes crushing the entire humanity within a signal, an order. I've seen him do it..to Lee, once in his lifetime he couldn't have walked, but the nurses made him so.

There was an entrance exam held in a secret state in Ohio. Mutant-officials decided to choose some place that wouldn't expose our kind, especially if children were concerned. It was the battle of the fittest, strongest, similar to The Hunger Games except quite a few number will remain. You fight as a Gladiator--with the words that made Spain successful in colonizing lands: All for God, Gold and Glory. 

Thousands of Mutants were gathered. The former prime minister of Japan, Gaara's father, attended. Like father like son, since he and Gaara only needed a few feet to be surprisingly identical with the prime minister. 

According to the Mutants who had brought home victory and a name for themselves, being a Mutant isn't just about survival--it's the tale you tell to everyone.

But that victory didn't last much, as Ohio became chaos. Someone was hiding under the Prime Minister's disguise, which made killing Subaku Kouta an assassination that wasn't perceived clearly. There was no turning back for the Sand Siblings; they were too young to know of their father's death, and too late to even sweep clean the plot that was delivered to their hands. I saw in my own eyes how Mutants raged on one another. Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura fought against Gaara's Animal and, with luck on their side, Naruto was able to change him. A few years later Gaara had eventually gained his father's title, the youngest Prime Minister in history. 

✵

It's like a dream. I eavesdrop over the door where Dad is talking to a friend. I wonder who our visitor is, especially when it's around midnight.

"Yes. I understand. It seems that my daughter can temporarily possess someone and control their actions. Not to mention she can read thoughts, as she did with mine." Dad says.

"Well, I wouldn't blame you. It's never our fault if our children have these 'gifts' we know nothing of."

"Should we tell the police?"

Shikaku looks at Dad with a gleam of anger and concern. "No. This is about keeping your family safe. If a cop finds out about Ino, he'll assume she's a lunatic and send her far, far away from the city and you won't see her again." 

You will not see her again. I turn around and pant. Old men's conversations give me a hard time to breathe.

"Do you remember Shikamaru?" I hear Shikaku's words from the dining room. "While I don't assume their powers are alike, but they may be similar in more ways than I can tell. Last night, when my wife was leaving the wet clothes outside to dry, he made her shadow disappear, which I thought wasn't frequent--it wasn't a usual thing he did, even in his free time--until I confronted him, and he told everything." 

"That makes Shikamaru a what?" Dad presses, his face lined. "A manipulator of shadows? Wouldn't it be dangerous?"

The doorbell tolls. Daddy opens the door. 

"Sarutobi Asuma, sir. I am a Mutant. And so are your children. I'm here to help." 

"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen." A smoking Asuma steps inside the door.  We greeted him back with a groan. I was playing with my armlet almost the rest of the day, like nail biting. Kakashi is with him, wearing a white polo shirt, black fingerless gloves and a lightning pendant that shines hidden under the hem of his shirt. 

Naruto says, "Is someone in trouble?" 

"Oh, did you mean you?" Kakashi teases. "Of course not, Naruto. In fact today is your lucky day, because from your records there has been a change in your behaviour." 

"Don't mind if I butt in, but, that's not permanent." Kiba says.

"Come on, Kiba, don't be a dick!" 

Shhh! Kakashi's remaining eye widened like Peeping Tom. "That's a shitty language. We've talked about mannerisms, haven't we?" 

The class laughed shortly. Suddenly the bell rings, and thoughts have gone louder and crisp: Kakashi wasn't leaving the room. Did something happen? Asuma, who didn't like time being wasted, just smoked Tobacco. 

"Good luck to your English Week, then. I know how hard it is to pronounce a single line without puking, and all of you seem to be...motived. Hm. I wonder." 

The spark lit on everyone else's eyes. The awards have got to be our target. When you win the best actor or whatever it is, your name is declared all over the school. Those who are in college hears it, too. 

Someone taps a pencil, someone yawns, ushering that Kakashi has got to stop breaking the ice. 

"Something special is coming your way. Someone." Kakashi says in the silence. "You have a new classmate. Because he just moved here all the way from Rome. What else, if you ask me--I'll lay down a few cards: he attended art school at the age of twelve, and is a distant apprentice of da Vinci. Of course he had to finish avocations before finally settling here--in New York--the City that Never Sleeps; where its population mainly consists of vampires, lycans and people of our kind." Kakashi breathes. "He's like a Sleeping Beauty that finally woke up to the dangers of the outside." 

"It's the Third Quarter, though. What's the boy doing showing up late?" Asuma whispers to Kakashi's side, when the rest of the classmates are discussing on their own. 

"Believe me when I say this boy is the best substitute." Substitute?? "He's more than what you think. He has skills. He took the test for twenty-five-year-olds and still finished." He voices out, "You may now come in." 

Sai Adams. 

Brother Shin! See what I can draw?

Not a word about this to anyone, do you understand? 

If you keep on holding onto things that are long gone, you'll be miserable; that's for certain--but you will miss them, search for them, and end up hopelessly lost. 

You owe me. And now, you pay your debt. 

I blinked my eyes and panted.