A/n: Warning!! Cussing ahead! There will be cussing throughout the entire book!

I wake up and I'm in a dusty old room. After a thorough investigation of the room I bet that it's the twins' room. Especially since one half is covered with glitter and magazines while the other is covered in books and what I'm assuming to be dirty clothes. I groan as a sudden rush of pain comes to me and I remember what happened right before I blacked out. What I saw earlier must confirm that I'm insane. There's no way that a sane person can see a floating Dorito with one eye. I must have finally cracked.

  "Finally, you're awake" sigh it's captain buzzkill. Of course he had to come in and interrupt my thinking. "And now that you're awake you probably want some sort of explanation"

  "No, I see a floating Dorito and I have no questions at all of course!" Ah sarcasm, a very wonderful thing indeed. He sighs right after I say it.

  "And I see that your sarcasm is still intact..........sadly" I smirk at him and resist the urge to be even more sarcastic but that would waste time. Something that I drastically need is answers. "But in all seriousness, do you want me to explain to you or do you want me to just wipe your memory of the whole event?" He can wipe my memory? Gulp I better try to stay off of his revenge list then. So I nod at him and sit patiently on what I suppose is his bed since it isn't bright pink and covered in glitter and magazines unlike the other bed. "So.... which choice are you nodding at exactly? If you nod at me it should be a yes or no question, not a two different choices question" Welp, I'm officially dumb.

  "The first option. I'd rather keep my memory for now" That, surprisingly I may add, got a chuckle out of him.

  "To start off, that triangle you saw was Bill. He's a dream demon. Now what I'm about to say might sound crazy but you should have read up on how Gravity Falls attracts weirdness before you came here. So that's on you" Well it's not my fault I have zero ways of getting on the internet. Nada, zilch. The only way that I can find stuff out is by asking people or by buying a newspaper. "Bill, well he tried to seize control of the entire universe and was kinda planning on destroying it" My jaw has officially been dropped and I really do believe this guy. I mean, after what I saw earlier it isn't that hard to believe him. "But me, my sister, my Grunkles, and the rebellion were able to defeat him. It took a huge sacrifice from one of my Grunkles but we fixed it in the end. But anyways, we all thought that Bill was dead....... until today. And we absolutely can not let any of the townsfolk find out!" Hm, finding out that a evil Dorito that had tried to destroy the universe is back could possibly make people panic. "Do you promise to keep this between the Mystery Shack employees?" Why just the employees here? Know what? He probably has a very well thought out reason for that. Then again, that reason could also be very shitty.

  "Eh, sure. I promise" There. Hopefully he won't try to go and erase my memory.

  "Cross your heart?" Cross my heart? How old does he think I am, 5!?

  "Yes. I cross my heart and hope to die" I make sure to give him an eye roll too of course.

  "Fine then. You're basically a new member of our family" He did quotation marks around family. Geez, he seems pretty done with life, but I bet that I've had it worse than him. His story sounds pretty fun to be honest.... snap! Guess I spaced out again. Man I really have to stop doing that! "Is something wrong?" Is what he's demostrating I think it is? Is Captain Buzzkill actually demostrating genuine concern?
"And don't you go getting a big head about me asking! I'm only asking because Mabel and somehow Bill care about it" Wait wait wait, hold the phone! Did he just say that a demon that tried to destroy the entire universe actually cares about me?! Well my life just keeps getting weirder and weirder. "Anyways, you should probably meet the demon that we're practically forcing you to keep a secret about. So get your lazy ass out of bed and downstairs" Lazy ass? Who the heck does he think he is?!

"Well someone's had a real crappy day"

  "Yeah, I met you" Oh no he didn't! He just seriously went there! I choose to just try and ignore him and stumble out of the bed and downstairs.

  "AH, THERE YOU ARE DRAGONFLY!! HOW NICE TO SEE YOU!" Well shit...

  "Um, sup?" He tips his top hat and the entire building tips with it!!! Oh this weirdo is gonna pay. I would kick him in the place where the sun don't shine but he doesn't have one.

  "BUT WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT TO ME?" Can this guy read fucking minds or something?! "WHY YES, I CAN READ MINDS AS A MATTER OF FACT!" I badly want to say "Fuck this shit I'm out" but I'm scared he'll use his demon powers on me. Geez this guy is making me feel really uncomfortable and crazy. "Hm, maybe this form would be better?" He snaps his fingers and a puff of smoke appears around him. When it disappears a man is standing there instead of that Dorito.

I can't believe it, but he's hot. "LIKE WHAT YOU SEE?" He strikes what is an attempt at a sexy pose. Damn right I like what I see! "HM..." He rubs his chin and stares at my clothes. "YOUR CLOTHES ARE RATHER.......WORN OUT .." Well I have been wearing them ever since I ran away, there was absolutely no time to pack. "OO!! RAN AWAY. THIS STORY OF YOURS SOUNDS JUICY!! WE WILL HAVE TO DISCUSS IT LATER NOW, WON'T WE? BUT LET'S GET YOU SOME CLEAN CLOTHES FIRST!!" He snaps his fingers and a clean pair of clothes appear on me.

                                                                             (Your outfit, minus the hair)
Wow. This guy really knows how to make a girl happy. Just give her clothes that she likes. I mean, come on! This outfit is amazing how can I not think this guy is awesome! "WELL THANK YOU, I GUESS I AM PRETTY AWESOME!!!" Sure it seems like he has a bit of an ego, but he seems pretty cool. I can't wait to get to know this Dorito!