Waiting on campus, I was reluctant to go home, the cool air nipped my shoulders. a deep sense of dread filled me as I said farewell to my friends. the home was not peaceful or inviting, it was dark, cold and broken. simply a sleeping room, I tried to stay gone as much as possible, sleeping over the friend's house, staying with family members. I hated my life, life was unfair Dad left, the only person that gave a damn about me is dead, My brother Tommy was killed in a car crash. a few years back the pain still reverberates deep down in my soul.Mom always worked two jobs to provide a roof over our head, clothes on our backs, and food on the table. it had been the mother and me until recently. she started dating a man named Tony, he seemed nice, he befriended me, took me shopping, he always made sure I had something to eat. Mom always worked overtime, once I got home I noticed Tony was their, in my gut I felt an uncomfortable nervousnsess, tried to brush off the feeling it was too powerful, the nerves on the back of my neck stood up. my first response was to run, I thought to myself these scenarios only happen in movies, this can not be real. reasoning with my fear, I smiled shyly, I tried to push past him since he was blocking the door to my bedroom. I asked him" What are you doing?" trying not to make eye contact I noticed the weird look in his eyes, I took a step back he suddenly lunged towards me, grabbing me by the wrist, he snatches me close, I whimpered in fear. not knowing what to do, he pushes me on the bed, at this point every nerve ending is on fire, as I fought vehemently, he overpowers me, slugging me in the face a few times. screaming I saw stars, suddenly he reaches down and grabs a knife, with a menacing look in his eyes I could feel the heat of his breath against my face. paralyzed by fear my body froze, feeling the coolness of the metal of the knife pressed against my throat, each screamed that I had died within me. he told me "He would kill me if I told anyone'after what seemed like the longest most painful moments of my life. he rolled off me zipping up his pants, crying unable to move I lay there after a few moments I got up, walking down the hallway, I was emotionless my innocence died in my parent's bedroom.flashing the knife at me, Tony forced me to take a shower and this continued every day after school for a few months. In survivor mode, nothing mattered anymore, mom was never home, she was too tired to even notice. I hate myself, my body, I hated life, I wanted to die. I felt dead inside anyway. finding an excuse to sleep over my friend amanda'shouse, we went to a party, her cousin told me that she was getting ready to move, and she was going to rent a  room with some friends, to me that sounded like a slice of heaven, given the secret hell I endured. one day something in me snapped, I was done with the shame and guilt. I felt disgusting and dirty, I could not allow someone to keep making me feel this way, I chose death over life at that point in my life.Finally, I decided to run away. I told mom that I was spending the night with friends I stop calling, texting.