JIMIN'S POV

"How would you feel..." Dahyun paused and touched my cheek. She traced her forefinger across my cheek to my nose down to my lips. I smiled at her and tucked a strand of her hair behind her right ear. "...if I left?" I felt like my world crushed when she asked such question. I felt like my heart stopped and so I cannot suddenly process everything inside my head. I can't breathe, but I didn't show it to her. She smiled so naively which made my chest hurt more.

My tears flowed through my cheeks, so I smiled. I leaned over her and kissed the tip of her nose.

How would I feel if she'll left me? It'll be the death of my heart. It'll be my world's end. Besides the twins, I'll feel like I don't have any more reason why should I wake up in the morning and greet people with a smile. My face would be stucked in a dull state.

As I was staring into her eyes, finding the right words to answer her, everything flashed back right before me.

The first time that I saw her by the doorstep with her three older brothers behind her. Her smile would make you smile as well and let you think about how can a person smile so beautifully. Her smile was captivating that it made me stare into her face only. I knew I had to look away and make a decision for me not to fall for her. I knew Mina would be mad at me if she'll see me like that.

Whenever I come home from school, I would draw her in my art pad. I don't have any pictures to copy her face. My imagination would be enough for me to sketch her. I have been staring at her from afar secretly and I guess that's enough to make me remember her smiles.

I decided to hate her, but that didn't stop her from liking me.

Of all people, why me, Dahyun? Why did you choose a drug seller? Why did you choose to love a guy that hated you without any reason?

I'm lucky to have her, but is she lucky to have me as her partner?

A memory of her coming to the prison flashed before my eyes. Her efforts back then are incomparable. I would always be thankful for her visits. No one wanted to ever visit me before, even my family didn't want to. She became my family while I was inside the prison. And there, I saw how sincere she was for her love for me.

"M-My heart..." I paused and gulped. "...would die along with yours." I whispered. I looked at her straight into her eyes and saw that she's tearing up as well. My heart won't be able to handle to see her cry. "Dahyun-ah..." I called her once more. I touched her bare face and stared at it. This might be one of the last times that I would ever see her pretty face.

"Hmm?" She hummed a yes and smiled. How can you smile even if you're hurting? Why is your heart so pure? What did I do to deserve someone like you?

"Let's go to the church tomorrow." I asked her. She nodded and giggled. Oh how is her giggle music to my ears? "We'll pray...I'll pray for you." I said. "I'll pray for your recovery. I'll pray for your betterment."

"What if I won't become better anymore?" She asked.

"I'll ask God for a miracle to save you." She chuckled and kissed me on the tip of my nose.

"Good night," she greeted and closed her eyes. "Please be there when I wake up tomorrow..." She spoke. "...even though I may not." I wasn't able to reply to her last sentence.

The days would come when I won't see her beside me anymore. Those days will creep in slowly and thinking of it makes my heart feel despair.

Whenever I face her, I always have thought that I must put this big smile on my face because I can't ever give her a negative energy. I'm one of the reasons why she's fighting everyday.

I can't let her see me being weak now that I'm her strength.

*

"Good morning, honey!" Dahyun, holding a bowl of rice, smiled to me and placed the bowl on the table. I walked towards her and snaked my hands on her waist. She laughed with me as we stared at each other. "What are you up to?" She asked.

"Nothing." I pecked her on her lips and let go eventually. It's Saturday and we have an appointment to the clinic for the kids' weekly check up and to Dr. Jung for the diary entries that Dahyun have written these past few weeks.

Dahyun prepared breakfast for today, so I really appreciated her efforts. She knows herself that she's sick, yet she's still doing her best as a mom and a wife since it's her responsibility.

Of course, just like what I promised to her last night, we would go to the church before visiting the clinic for our check ups. The twins are at the living room inside their cribs. I already dressed them for today.

"Honey," Dahyun called me. "There's no mass in the morning for Saturdays at our local church." She said with her mood a little downcast, so I held her chin and smiled.

"That's not a problem. Let's just go later in the evening." She nodded and told me to bring the kids, so we can start eating already before the check ups. I took both of them and had them sit on their twin highchairs. We had these custom made since we can't find a twin highchairs in the shops. Mina suggested to just buy them a highchair individually, but Dahyun and I thought that having twin highchairs for them would be cute.

"Honey," I looked at Dahyun who is feeding Jihyun. I smiled and asked her why. "What does your mom like?" She asked.

"Why?" I raised a brow.

She giggled, "I want to give her a gift. This is the first time that I will be meeting her after all these years." I chuckled and thought of what mom likes. The least that I can remember is that she has this collection of air perfumes in our house. She likes the scent of those organic things, so she buys a lot and places them everywhere in our house.

She also likes coffee. We have these coffee shops around Korea and Japan.

"Air perfumes." I answered. "And coffee."

"Help me find something later." I nodded and continued eating.

"Did you find a job, hun?" She asked which made me utterly nervous and embarrassed all of a sudden. I can't tell her that I found no job because of my criminal record. They won't hire me because of my educational attainment and criminal records, so I can't find a job. I'm too embarrassed to tell it to her because as a father, a husband and a man, I have my own pride.

I looked at her with a big smiled plastered on my face, "Not yet, hun." I can see how her happy face became concerned.

"Why?" She asked.

"The..." I paused. "...e-employers haven't contacted me yet for confirmation." I smiled to make her lessen her worries. I don't want to make her worry more because of me.

"Oh, okay." She nodded.

I stood up, "Hon, I'll just get my phone upstairs to check if they sent me any text messages already." She looked at me and smiled. I went upstairs, to our master's bedroom and looked for my phone. I saw it resting beside Dahyun's diary, so I took it and placed it in my pocket.

Out of curiousity, I opened her diary. Her first diary entry was last May 8th. I read it and it hurted my heart right away. It felt like I was stung.

She wrote something this morning.

May 13

I saw Jimin cry last night. His tears flowed across his cheeks. I can tell that every tear that he sheds mean that he's hurt--that he's hurt that I might die anytime, that I may leave him the next morning.

I wanted to stay because of him and our kids. I can't stand seeing him cry. As of the moment, I have a lot of questions running inside my head.

Of all people, why me? Why was I chosen to have such disease? Why do I have to leave them if all I did all my life was to try to be a good person? What have I done wrong to be punished?

Will I be able to live longer than I expect? Will I be stop this disease? Will there be any cure for this? Will I find a way to gain some miracle?

Will I be able to see my family and friends' smile again? Will I be able to celebrate my silver anniversary with Jimin? How many Christmas days and New Years will I be celebrating still?

Will I be able to see Jihyun and Minhyun's families before I die?

How many tears will I shed secretly for Jimin not to worry about me?

xoxo,

Dahyun

I didn't realize that I was sobbing hard already. If it's hard for me, then it's harder for Dahyun. I can't imagine how she actually accepted the reality and truth that she can die soon. Why can't I accept it now that she already accepts it?

I heard her shouts from downstairs, "Honey! Let's go now!"

I gulped, "I-I'm coming downstairs already!" I closed her diary and placed it inside her bag because she might forget it. I fixed my face and breathed deep before going downstairs.

I saw her standing at the end of the last case with Jihyun on her right arm and Minhyun on her left arm. I kissed her forehead and took Jihyun from her for help.

"Did you cry?" She asked with a bit of worriment on her tone.

I sniffed, "No, I was getting colds and I just yawned."

"Oh-kay," she smiled and asked me for the car keys while I lock up our house.

--*

I'm sorry if it took me weeks before I publish a new chapter 😔 It was hard to write a sad story with a blissful feeling, so I had to gather all of the sadness inside me to produce something like this 😅 I hope you had fun reading, tho!

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