If God had me to come here just for one person to know about Jesus, it's worth it. He leaves the 99 righteous for the 1 that went into the world.

God be chasing the backsliders because He still cares about them, they're still considered a part of His family, they just got sidetracked with cares of the world.

I was once a backslider and when I tell y'all He snatched me from the pits, I mean it. I think back on it now and I laugh at times because He was such a gentleman who used wisdom based on my condition.

He didn't bicker, complain, force, pressure, or even shame. It was more like Psalm 23. But the thing about me was, I was extremely bent out of shape in my mind, stubborn, traumatized, had PTSD, and all that mess. The Lord slowly eased His way into my life and what I didn't know was Him working, led up to the day I rededicated.

~~~

Psalm 23 AMP

The Lord is my Shepherd [to feed, to guide and to shield me], I shall not want. (I shall not lack in any of my needs)

He lets me lie down in green pastures; He leads me beside the still and quiet waters.

He refreshes and restores my soul (life); He leads me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.

Even though I walk through the [sunless] valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil, for You (God) are with me; Your rod [to protect] and Your staff [to guide], they comfort and console me.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You have anointed and refreshed my head with oil; My cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, And I shall dwell forever [throughout all my days] in the house and in the presence of the Lord.

~~~

A month or 2 before I gave my life back to Jesus Christ, I thought about running away from home because of what I was going through. I felt suffocated because I didn't get out a lot and when I did, there was always a problem.

I told my feelings and problems to someone and it got back to the one who was taking care of me at the time and I was told if word got out, it would cause a lot of devastation.

The person who took care of me was someone who always told me if I didn't have anywhere else to go, I could come for refuge and safety. I was told some harsh things at the time and I thought I lost my place of safety with this person. A lot of tears were shed and trust was broken because of the trauma from multiple people for different reasons.

The family was already broken but it was like it got worse in a matter of hours. I got really quiet for a while and even went on hiatus from social media. During that time, it was a blur, I covered my pain and anger by indulging in gaming, eating, and other things. But I was also spending more time with the one who was taking care of me. I had a major art block so I didn't draw much either.

This was around the time where I started participating in church more as well. It was more of a suggestion and encouragement than it was forced. I took this as an opportunity to do something different instead of doing my usual and went from there. I even got to pick an outfit from the store that I really liked and it so happened to be a dress. At the time, I never would've thought I'd like dresses on me for real. (I was struggling with gender dysphoria and body dysmorphia). I even hated being called a lady.

I'm saying all this to say, the events were so bad but just as quick as it was bad, the Lord turned it around just like that and I didn't even know it was Him until later on. So much healing has happened in the household and in me, months and years afterwards because of Jesus.

~Bee

August 14, 2024