Within the last few days, the knowledge I had about my identity in God had been questionable.

I was presented with new knowledge on Sunday and when I heard it, it made me question my understanding of God's word and who I am. Even the question, who is Jesus to me? → Based on the scriptures.

For the last few days, my mind and emotions had been in a state of uncertainty and it felt like all that I knew in that area was completely demolished.

It was almost devastating.

To think you're something but then be told that's not who you are without context is heartbreaking.

I didn't have clarity because when I was told that new knowledge, I wasn't given an explanation afterwards which left me confused and very disheartened..

This reminded me of the time I was told I wasn't a man. The rejection, the betrayal, the disappointment, the inner turmoil, the confusion.

The fear of being wrong.

This situation has to do with identity.

📌 Back then when it came to my identity, I didn't seek God about it at all. I didn't bother doing that. I didn't bother asking questions to the right people because I didn't know what to ask, where to ask, or if anyone even went through the same thing or knew anything about it. (In the Christian community) (I stayed in the LGBTQ community and talked to them which was very closed minded, but they were the only ones offering any type of support and knowledge)

I was very closed off to Christians because of their presentation, even though I was also a Christian. I thought the ones around me were judgemental and too religious (which some of them were) but not all of them had anger in their tones or faces. Some actually treated me with love even though they were plain that they didn't support the LGBTQ community.

In this particular case, I had a steady foundation in God. I knew what to ask, I knew who to ask, I even got to a point where I was open to hearing the explanation no matter how different it may have been from my current knowledge.

I honestly believe this was a test to see how I would respond.

I'm going to be honest, I could've handled it better. I talked to God about it and searched scriptures, I talked to one of my leaders about it, but I wanted to hear the explanation from the person who told me that one thing that threw me for a loop.

📌 This really did remind me of the time when I was told I wasn't a man (trans) with no explanation outside of, "God created you as a female." And didn't give me anything other than that. (I'm mentioning this again because of the feeling I had, many people in the LGBTQ feel like this and I want them to know I understand)

Many people dealing with gender dysphoria and thinking they're trans can't be told, "you're not trans", "you're not a man, you're a female", "you're not a woman, you're a male" without solid explanation. But then again, these people also have to want to hear about it.

They need more than that. While that may be true, these people are looking for explanations and answers. How do they get through this if they are willing to embrace being who they were created to be biologically? What started the gender dysphoria and when did it start? What do the symptoms of gender dysphoria look like and how do you counter those things without transitioning and embracing the condition as a part of one's identity?

They need love and encouragement with God's word because that's what's going to bring healing and strength to who God created them to be.

Clarity. Having an understanding of the knowledge given so they can apply that to their lives and live as free people spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Not by mutilation (surgery), not by hormones (to pass as the opposite sex), not by crossdressing, not by hating themselves and masking.

But by having inner joy from God, unconditional love, healing in the deepest corners of the broken heart, and an abundant spiritual life.

Life is spiritual because God is the source of life and the Creator of life, He is Spirit and the Creator of spirits. We are made in His image as people, therefore, we do have a spirit.

Our soul is what needs a lot of work and healing because that's where the battle is at.

Soul: aka our innerman, consists of emotions, mentality, heart, and will (choice)

📌 I got understanding from the person and I'm settled more than before. Though my emotions, mind, and heart need some mending again in this area, I'm glad that God was still with me all that time.

The Holy Spirit really is the Comforter, and He was still trying to get my attention even while I was in a state of confusion and heartbreak.

It wasn't His fault at all. I even took moments to talk to Him about how I was feeling about it and searched the scriptures for more understanding but kept coming to the same answer. But I wanted to be open to God about being corrected if I was wrong. I wanted to hear a different pov if it was necessary.

📌 When I did ask questions, especially when I wrote out how I felt and looked at the overall picture, He told me I had pride. I relied too much on myself and lacked trust in Him. My confidence in God wavered and I distanced myself from Him. Which made sense, because I was acting horrible.

Even now, thinking about how I acted, makes my heart sad because it wasn't like God was rejecting me. I'm thankful this was revealed to me that I can also give this to Him because I didn't know I had that kind of pride in me.

I was still a child of the Most High God, still joint heirs with Christ Jesus, still seated in heavenly places at the right hand of the Father, still Holy Ghost filled, still a disciple (student) of Jesus, still saved by God, still set a part for God, still the righteousness of God, still forgiven...

But this one thing that was said concerning my identity felt like I was completely stripped and I put up walls to isolate and protect myself. I recognized I was doing this and God kept beckoning for me to let Him in this area.

In those moments, I was devaluing who I was in God over one thing. Being a part of God's family is still an honor and a privilege. Being a participant in the Marriage Supper of the Lamb (eternal life after the end of this earth(time)) is still a privilege. Being dressed in white robes that are specifically designed by God is a privilege. Being crowded with God's glory is still a privilege.

Like wow, how silly and foolish can the flesh be?

How can one forget about their inheritance in God? 😔

My God is gracious, very patient, His mercy endures forever.

"Lord, even if that's true that I'm not that, I still want to serve you, you're my God and I want to be open to You. Help me to learn more about who You are so I can do what's pleasing to You."

When you know who God is, the more confidence you can have in Him. And who you are is found in knowing Jesus as God personally according to the scriptures.

~~~

I just wanted to tell you all about this, I understand the devastation in different ways when it comes to identity.

Thinking you're something but you're not what you thought you were. Things you thought to be true...isn't true. The fear of being wrong and rejected.

That's why I encourage many who think they're trans with God's word, the right way.

That's why I encourage many who think they're not saved with God's word, the right way.

That's why I encourage many who think they're unworthy of love and forgiveness with God's word, the right way.

Ask questions. Be open to understanding.

I'm willing to help those that the Holy Spirit leads me to help.

~Bee

August 20, 2024