Donghyuck was 12 when he got his heart broken for the first time. He finds himself sitting on the floor of his room, his butt aching from staying in the same position for the past few hours. But the look on Mark's face was enough to keep him frozen, scared that if he were to move he would make things worse, ruin things even more than he already had done by simply existing.

"We can't get married," Mark said, his eyes darting across the room with a glassy shine. Donghyuck felt his stomach turn at the knowledge that his best friend, his crush, couldn't even spare him a glance. Donghyuck had already known that Mark didn't think of him in such a way, especially with the way the older would mention how much he loves Donghyuck like his 'little brother'. But actually facing rejection wasn't a thing Donghyuck expected so soon. "We're just friends, and our parents need to understand that."

Fiddling with his shirt, Donghyuck tried his best to keep the hurt out of his voice. "Oh come on, Hyung. It won't be that bad. Plus, since we're already friends, we won't have much trouble, right?"

The older doesn't say anything else after that, keeping his eyes on his phone screen, which Donghyuck catches sight of and curses being curious. He knew Mark had a crush, hell, he thinks everyone who knows Mark is aware of this.

"Hyung?" Donghyuck tried again, hoping to get some sort of response out of him.

"What is it?" Mark sounded like he was on the verge of tears and Donghyuck couldn't hold himself back any longer, quickly getting onto his knees and leaning over to engulf Mark into a hug.

"I'm sorry?" It came out more as a question as even Donghyuck was confused about what he had done wrong.

A wet laugh escaped Mark and Donghyuck doesn't know whether he should be happy to hear such a thing. "Why are you apologising? It's not your fault, I would never blame you for something like this."

Donghyuck hoped Mark would keep his word.

-

Donghyuck was almost asleep when his phone began to ring, with the name displayed on his screen immediately getting rid of any sleep that lingered.

"What's up, Hyung?" he tried answering in the most casual way he could've. Mark never called him unless there was a problem. Their last probably dated back to a few weeks ago when Mark had lost his lanyard and asked Donghyuck what the process of getting a new one was (since Donghyuck had lost his multiple times, it was never his fault though).

"Donghyuck-ie!" The older's voice buzzed through the phone and Donghyuck couldn't stop a smile from forming on his face. The affection in his voice, which he hadn't heard in so many years, was too much for his heart to handle. "How are you?"

Donghyuck could barely make out what Mark was saying, the sound of other people yelling in the background too loud for him to understand clearly. It also made his heart drop a little as he realised that Mark might not be in a clear state of mind, meaning he wasn't calling him because he wanted to but because he thought it would be fun and a pastime.

"Mark hyung, where are you?" He hates that concern fills him as he continues to speak to him. It was always like this when Mark was involved. Donghyuck found it hard to keep himself calm and collected.

Mark responded with a giggle and Donghyuck had to hold a hand to his chest, hoping it would calm down quickly. "Outside the club, what about you, Hyuck-ie?"

"Can you pass the phone to Lucas, please?"

He heard Mark grumble about something before Lucas got the phone. "I'm sorry, Donghyuck. We'll solve this, don't worry."

How was Donghyuck not supposed to worry knowing that Mark was out past midnight, drunk and out of his mind? Mark always made him worry.

"Nono, it's okay, Hyung. You can bring him to my house." Donghyuck doesn't know what possessed him to say that, maybe it was the idea of Mark coming back home to him, to ask him for help, to stay with him.

Donghyuck threw his phone onto his bed and began searching for a nicer pair of pyjamas to wear, even though he was fully aware Mark wouldn't notice let alone care. He splashed water over his face a few times to wake himself up before opening the door to Lucas awkwardly handing Mark over to him. It was a mission getting Mark into bed with him, but all that didn't matter. Nothing was hard when it came to helping Mark out. Donghyuck had done this his entire life.

"G'night, Duckie," he heard Mark mutter as he snuggled closer. Donghyuck had to force his tears back as he wrapped his arms around the older, ignoring the dull aching in his chest. "I missed this."

Donghyuck let go of the tears as he whispered back, "I missed you too."

Donghyuck was 17 when he got heartbroken yet again by the same person. The dim light that leaked through the curtains of Mark's room, the chilliness from the window being open, the back turned to him; Donghyuck felt cold.

For the first time in many years, Donghyuck let himself do what he wanted to do. He raised his arms with certainty and wrapped them around Mark, his eyes fluttering shut at the contact as he realised just how much he missed the older. The last time he remembered embracing him was on the dark brown carpeted floor in Mark's bedroom when they were barely over 12.

He felt Mark take a shaky breath and almost lean back into his arms before he caught himself. "Leave," he said and yet he made no move to take Donghyuck's arms off him. "Donghyuck, let go of me."

"Why? Why do you always run away? You've been like this ever since we were younger." Donghyuck closed his eyes as memories from the days he wished he could forget came back. The times when he was alone, scared and hurt. As the words spill out of him, after years of being held back, Donghyuck realises just how pathetic he must sound. After everything Mark had done to him, or rather not done for him, he was still here: in Mark's room, begging for the older to not leave. To not run away again.

"I felt so embarrassed," he said, a sniffle escaping him just as tears rolled down his cheeks. He knows that Mark can tell he's crying, since he was pressing his face into his shoulder, but also with the way his body shook with silent sobs. "It was humiliating," he continued, the memories of all those people who claimed to be Mark's friends laughing at him. The fingers that were pointed his way from the moment people learned about him and his family. "Thought of me as some joke, a sort of entertainment."

Donghyuck thought he was getting through to Mark, finally saying everything he had wanted to say for years. Confessing that he only tolerated the bullying for Mark, didn't say anything for Mark's sake, and lied to his parents because of Mark. He was willing to do anything as long as Mark didn't get hurt in the end. Because even if his silly little crush on the older died the day he watched Mark avert his eyes from him when he got pushed to the ground, when he pretended he couldn't see Donghyuck; he still loved him. Maybe not in the way he used to, but he cared for Mark. He wanted to see Mark happy.

"Please, don't leave. I'm sorry, please just don't leave." Donghyuck didn't even know what he was apologising for. But there was a strange burden on his chest. He felt at fault. If he didn't question why Jisung and Yerim were so close, if he didn't argue with Mark on their way back to his house, if he didn't tell on Mark when the older betrayed his trust and told his parents about Jaemin. If he wasn't here, wouldn't Mark's life be so much easier? "I know you probably still hate me but don't go?"

He took deep breaths as he impatiently waited for a response, arms tightening around Mark in hopes of relaying just how apologetic he was. And he meant every word he said. If Mark was to stay, he would do everything in his power to take things back to normal. He would do anything, and everything, for Mark.

"Mark, please don't go. We all love you." I love you, he wished he could say freely, but he was too afraid to say it.

"Donghyuck," Mark finally said after a moment of silence. Donghyuck thought there was hope, especially from the way Mark's eyes had a glassy shine on them and his hands were shaking when he pulled away. But, as always, Mark never stayed. "Please leave."

-

Donghyuck was 18 when he experienced his third heartbreak, but it felt different this time. It hurt way more.

"I'm sorry, Donghyuck," Jaemin said, holding his head low as Donghyuck stared at him in disbelief. The sound of people around them chatting away, calm and happy, tuned itself out as Jaemin raised his head to look at him in the eyes. "But I don't think I can do this."

Do what? Donghyuck wanted to ask. What was so hard about keeping a relationship together with just a bit of distance between them? Donghyuck had already told him that he wasn't going to move out, that his parents explained to him that it was more financially wise of him to stay with them while he attended university. Jaemin knew this when he started applying to universities far away, knowing that he would have to move closer to attend them. Jaemin knew this and yet he never said anything to Donghyuck about it until now, a few days before he moved into an apartment Donghyuck had helped him find.

"What about," Donghyuck paused as his voice broke, his eyes tearing up at the thought of not having Jaemin by his side. Jaemin had involved himself in every aspect of Donghyuck's life, making it so that when Donghyuck woke up he was the only one on his mind. The first person who would greet him a good morning, give him kisses every time they met, and tell him just how important he was to Jaemin. Even Donghyuck's parents loved him, always showering him with love every time he came over. And yet here they were, letting go of all of that because of some distance. "What about the plans we made?"

They had calculated how long it would take for Donghyuck to catch the train and make his way down to Jaemin. Donghyuck didn't like travelling far, but 3 hours on a train for Jaemin was nothing. He could do that whenever if it meant he could see Jaemin's face for a day.

"I'm sorry," is all Jaemin had to offer, reaching out to take Donghyuck's hand in his. He looked just as apologetic as he sounded but Donghyuck just couldn't understand why they were breaking up if Jaemin did believe in everything he had said before. "I just don't think distance will work out between us."

Donghyuck let out a shaky breath as he lay his other hand over Jaemins. It was okay. It had to be okay. Donghyuck already knew he was hard to love. It was a miracle Jaemin ever grew interested in him and that they lasted these three years, that Jaemin stuck by him despite all of Donghyuck's flaws. Honestly, Donghyuck should be thankful that Jaemin tolerated him all these years.

"I understand," he didn't, but he had to. He owed Jaemin this much. "Thank you for being honest with me."

The streams of tears down his face continued through the night when he held the front of his shirt tightly and muffled his cries into his pillow. He knew it was hard to love him, but Jaemin had said so many sweet things to him he almost believed them all. His parents had questioned why he looked unwell when he came home and then looked past him as if they were expecting Jaemin to have tagged along. He didn't have the heart to let them know that Jaemin had broken up with him and that he wouldn't be visiting any longer. Another person, gone from their lives because of him.

Donghyuck hurriedly turned his laptop on and aggressively wiped away his tears. Jaemin wasn't going to return to him, not with the way he looked relieved when Donghyuck went along with their breakup. But there was one person he still had hope for.

The university website opened up and he slowly typed out the number, still unsure about making an impulsive decision. Would his parents be happy if he did this? Would his parents be happy if they found out what Donghyuck was trying to do? He had already heard Irene and Junmyeon arguing over calling Mark and asking him if he was doing well. The phone call Donghyuck had answered once had not gone unnoticed, not that Donghyuck was trying to hide it. He had just figured that if he called Mark and then gave the phone to Junmyeon, he would be forced to answer Mark's call and they would talk. They would resolve their issues, but when Mark heard Donghyuck's voice and ended the call, he realised he made things worse.

"Good afternoon, thank you for calling XX University clearing. How may I help you?"

Donghyuck tightened his grip around his phone and cleared his throat.

"Hi, I was calling to ask if there were still spaces available in your Law course?" 

- 

hi, sorry that I didn't update in so long TT. I'm no longer part of the NCT fandom so its slightlyyyyy difficult to write fanfics for them now. BUT !! i will make sure to finish this....one day. FOR NOW! i hope you liked this chapter <3 stream freefall by txt hehe