VII - INSECURE

Tsukimi typically walked home with her mother, but one of her school friends had been walking with them so frequently that (Y/N) had decided that it was appropriate to let them walk by themselves. Tsukimi's friend, Fuyumi, was the youngest of three children, and today their eldest brother was walking with them. He was a third year in middle school with a buzzcut, his rough expression and sharp eyes easily made Tsukimi internally panic.

He had a loud voice, with a booming laugh, and kept telling stories to embarrass his little sister.

Tsukimi and Aoi had only become friends recently, but they were determined to stay friends until the end of time. He complained out loud about how their mother would dote on Aoi a lot more than any of her siblings because she was the 'favorite'.

"Aoi's spoiled too! Get practically anything she wants! It might be because she's so young, but being a spoiled brat isn't going to do you much good once you get older," he would say, with a deafening laugh.

Tsukimi has had her moments of weakness of insecurity, but for the first time in her life had she ever thought about if (Y/N) may have favored Megumi rather than her. Tsukimi wasn't her biological child, (Y/N) wasn't hiding that from her and nor was it some sort of secret. Megumi was, however, her blood. Megumi wasn't spoiled like Aoi's brother had claimed her favored sister to be, mainly because their family couldn't afford those kinds of things. (Y/N) was picky with her spendings.

It only took Tsukimi a few months to see (Y/N) as some sort of motherly figure and to start referring to her as such. (Y/N) never asked her to, nor did she enforce such things, could it be because she never wanted Tsukimi to be her daughter?

In a certain way, yes, (Y/N) never wanted another child. She didn't wouldn't have wanted Megumi if it wasn't for Toji's influence on her.

She entered the house with a heavy heart, it felt as if her stomach had been flipped inside out. There was her mother, as she always was, napping Megumi in her lap as she skimmed through a study guide on herbs.

"Welcome home," (Y/N) said, lethargy evident in her tone.

The eldest Fushiguro hummed in response and took off her shoes. (Y/N) asked her about her day but she had blocked out her voice, so she called out again.

"Tsukimi? Are you ignoring me?" her voice was soft, careful not to stir the sleeping child resting on her legs.

The said girl was unresponsive, anxiety coursed through her mother.

"What's wrong? Something happened at school?" (Y/N) playfully added, "More kindergarten scandalous drama?"

The girl didn't reply, she walked past her mother and set her school bag in her bedroom. As she went back into the dining room to finish what was left of her lunch, which consisted of white rice with teriyaki leftovers bathed in chilled soy sauce. She consumed it with chopsticks next to her mother, who successfully stole a slice of chicken with her bare fingers.

"Mom?"

"Yes?"

"Do you love me?"

Tsukimi had never thought selfishly before, never even thought of comparing herself to her younger brother and their attention differences.

(Y/N)'s brows furrowed in confusion, "Of course I do, and I always will. No matter what."

"Then why do you pay so much more attention to Megumi than me?"

"Megumi requires more care, he's still so little. You're a big girl who doesn't need me all the time, but Megumi is still so little."

Sometimes (Y/N) forgets that Tsukimi is still 6 years old. She acts so mature, putting herself to bed and taking care of herself without any help. (Y/N) never encouraged these behaviors, she actually told the girl to be more dependent on her mother. There was a growing gap between the two, but that didn't change the fact that Tsukimi was still so young and could only handle so much stress.

The girl was unsatisfied, "I'm not your real kid. I'm just staying here until I can move out. You're not my real mother, you're just a guardian."

(Y/N)'s heart seemed to sink into her stomach in raw despair, her eyes wide with desperation, pain.

"Is that really all you think of me? Just someone that looks after you?" her voice was hushed, she wasn't sure how to react.

Tsukimi clenched her jaw, "It's the truth."

"No it's not. Don't tell me what you are to me, especially if you're going to give me something like that bullshit." This was the first time Tsukimi had ever heard her mother swear, "You're my daughter, I legally adopted you and I'm going to raise you to be a good person, just because we don't share the same blood doesn't mean that I'm not your mother any less."

Silence filled the room as (Y/N) had paused to collect her thoughts.

"What I think... A mother isn't the woman who is related to you, the woman who gave birth to you, it's the woman who nurtures you and raises you to be a good person. That person that left you on your doorstep is not your mother. No mother would leave her child behind like that, mothers do not do that."

Tsukimi's eyes were glossy as she remembered the countless beatings her previous guardian would give her if she had done anything remotely inconvenient, the years of neglect. (Y/N)'s touch was so soft, as if Tsukimi was a china doll that could shatter if held too tight.

"I know I can't provide for you as other parents can. I'm sorry you can't experience that life you deserve, but I love you nonetheless. I always will, not more or any less than your little brother."

There was a sense of relief and guilt that poked inside Tsukimi's chest, as if a tough bramble had grown in her chest cavity. She'd embrace her mother, her long and soft arms enrapturing her in a hold of bliss. It only took a little while for Megumi to wake up from the constant shifting and soft yells, unable to realize what was really going on.

As dinner was served, Tsukimi wouldn't rant about school drama as excitedly. (Y/N) would carry the conversation by expressing her excitement for summer and for the summer crops to grow.

"I wonder if we'll grow any pumpkins this year, it might be a fun challenge," (Y/N) suggested, taking a sip from a glass of water.

Megumi groaned, "I hate pumpkins!"

"Do you like pumpkins, Tsukimi?" (Y/N) called her by name, causing her to look up from her food, "I don't know if you've ever tried authentic pumpkin before, but you seem like someone who would like it."

"I think..." she felt giddy, her stomach bubbling with excitement when (Y/N)'s eyes were on her, "We should make pie this year."

"That sounds so gross!" Megumi protested, gagging.

Neither children had actual pie before, it was unpopular in Japan, but pie was no stranger to the western cooking shows (Y/N) had been entertaining herself with.

(Y/N) laughed at her children's playful bickering until yelling started to ensue.

"Knock it off."

(Y/N)'s demand was harsh and cold, so the two children ceased talking.

"Tsukimi was just teasing you, there wasn't a need for you to get so worked up," she explained sweetly to Megumi, poking his cheek, "Please try to go a little easy on your brother, don't be so harsh on him."

"Yes, mom." Tsukimi and Megumi said in harmony, a depressed frustrated air about them.

"Jeez, Megumi."

"Tsukimi."

"Sorry."

The young boy snickered at his sister's defeat, in which he got his ear pulled. They ate in eventual, comfortable, silence.

_____

(Y/N) was shaking, unable to hold up a piece of silverware without it clattering within her grasp and then falling to the ground. Her sugars were low, which caused her to vomit occasionally, her limbs have grown thin over the past month.

All of the fruit and vegetables that had been growing over the past few weeks had contracted some sort of pesticide, and were deemed unsafe to consume. Replanting the seeds with her own money, (Y/N) tried her best to keep her nausea to a minimum and her shaking under control. It had been months since she had heard Megumi cry, and it was when she had realized how thin his mother had become, and why. His understanding of the situation had become clear, but still had the inability to properly worry.

Children were selfish, and (Y/N) fed into it happily.

Tsukimi tried her best to ignore it, offering her portion of dinner and her mother would always stubbornly decline it. There were new sprouts now, and for the first time this year, she prayed for Toji's return.

"I'm so sorry," she mumbled to the dead and withered bean plants she had taken so much time cultivating, "I'll be more careful."

(Y/N) couldn't afford any sort of anti-parasite material for her garden, a housewife from one floor above was kind enough to offer her some. She was really careful this time when mixing anything with the soil, reviewing plant guides, books, or anything that she could get her hands on from the library. Tsukimi was going to move up a grade in school in the upcoming month, (Y/N)'s chest couldn't help but swell with pride.

"Is first grade any different than kindergarten?" the eldest asked while she was swinging her feet.

It was pouring rain outside, Megumi watched the rainfall flood the porch from the safety behind the glass slider.

(Y/N) took a sip of the black tea she had made previously, "Very, there will be more learning and less fun, I'm afraid. By second grade you'll probably be begging me to take you out of school," she added playfully.

Tsukimi would whine and complain as she usually did, expressing her little worries over her graduation. Her little pencil scurried over the top of the homework that was in front of her, something about filling in vowels and sentence structure.

Soon enough, (Y/N) left the scene in order to take care of house chores— scrubbing out the bathtub. There was a mutual silence between the half siblings, nothing to accompany them but the vicious pounding of the rain on the compound's thin walls. The residents in the top floor struggled with drops coming from the ceiling. Tsukimi stopped scribbling on her papers and folded the paper up and went to her bedroom to return it to her school bag.

There was an uneven humidity in the room that made the air more tense, water would stick to Megumi's forehead like sweat. It felt uncomfortable for a moment.

The eldest daughter came back out to the same dining table and finished her mother's green tea.

"Why do you think mom loves me more than she loves you?" Megumi's voice was monotone, as if he was disinterested in a legitimate answer. He didn't turn to the table, his focus remaining on the crying skies.

"I don't think that anymore," Tsukimi said, she was lying.

She still had the insecurity that Megumi would forever have a special place in her mother's heart, considering how she had to raise him all by himself. It wasn't evident, and nor did she verbally complain about it, but the feeling never faded.

"But why did you?" Megumi asked, again.

The young girl felt a sense of vexation swell in her chest, "It doesn't matter."

"Fine."

The youngest boy was awake for the entire argument, he wasn't asleep to begin with. He didn't move because his mother's legs were quite comfortable, and he had no business joining in an argument that he had little understanding of. The idea of favoritism fascinated him, to an extent, why would a mother love a child more than another child? Was one child

more naughty than the other, academically challenged, or morally incorrect?

As far as he was concerned, there wasn't any competition for their mothers attention. Little things like how Tsukimi would want her hair combed a little longer, or her outfits made to impress to drag out (Y/N)'s compliments, things like that didn't apply to him. He simply didn't notice.

Megumi was much more shut in versus Tsukimi who socialized consistently through school, not many children lived in the apartment that he was interested in anyways. Adults were boring, and children were too energetic, he'd rather stay in his own bubble with his mother— the only person that may ever understand him.

The rain continued to pour, the youngest boy watched as one of the plants suffocated in silence. Water filled its pot causing its soil to spill on the floor, its stem bending at the force of the onslaught of the storm.

Summer's rage had begun.

_____

Despite his timid nature, Megumi fared well around the other children and was beginning to learn how to socialize with people his age. (Y/N) had been frequenting the public park in an attempt to get Megumi used to more public spaces. As the months dragged on and Tsukimi had moved to first grade, the humidity became suffocating. Megumi had become more and more feasible as the months passed, he no longer groaned or complained when other children were playing on park toys.

Toji walked with (Y/N) side by side through the park's trail. Megumi played on the monkey bars, with his sister holding him up on her shoulders.

"They've grown up so fast," (Y/N) sighed, her eyes drifting when she heard their squeals of excitement.

Toji had hummed in response.

"I'm anxious for Megumi to start nursery school. Thank god the insurance plan covers those expenses. Then, I can start working again."

(Y/N) didn't have any adult friends to tell these things, other than the occasional conversation with her younger brother. He was the only family member that still talked to her, after she had dropped out of college she had been practically disowned. Toji didn't hum in response this time, a bored expression on his face. She didn't really care though, if he was so bored he could go home and watch television or kill someone. It's what he always did.

The young woman sat on a wooden bench, it was chilly through her thin tights wrapped around her thighs. She tucked in her skirt under her bottom in order to cushion it.

"I've decided..." Toji started, still standing up, "To transfer the custody of the children to the Zen'in Clan."

SORRY ITS CORRECT NOW