"That's too much information!"

----------

"Are there no conscious men in the city for you two?" Chandler asked Monica and Phoebe after they explained to us how they're basically in love with a guy in a coma.

"He doesn't have anyone." Monica replied as she opened up a pack of popcorn.

"Yeah. We feel kind of responsible." Phoebe added, which kind of made sense.

"I can't believe you said 'Whoo–hoo'." Joey spoke up. "I don't even say 'Whoo–hoo'." He motioned towards himself.

"Oh! She's coming up! She's coming up!" Rachel raised the volume on the screen so they could watch our mother's new book.

"We–We don't have to watch this." Chandler picked up the remote. "Weekend at Bernie's is on Showtime, HBO, and Cinemax." He was about to change the channel.

"No!" Rachel yelled out, smacking the remote out of his hands before turning back to the screen.

"Come on. This is your guys' mom." Joey held the remote. "Even Suparna's having a great time watching this." He pointed towards me.

"That's because I'm playing Weekend at Bernie's in my head." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20, 30 times!" Chandler tried to make it sound fun, but it really wasn't working. Of course, they

"Buona sera." I heard some guy say. With a little bit of hope, I turned around, only to see Rachel and her new guy, Paolo, making out. {Good evening.}

"When did rigatoni get back from Rome?" Ross' mood made a 180 turn very quick.

"Last night." Monica and I answered at the same time.

"Really? So then his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire?" Ross looked between me and Monica. "Just a dream I had. But, phew!" 

"Hey! Hey! Hey! She's on." Phoebe let us know as my mother walked on stage.

"Ah! Nora Bing!" Paolo pointed to the screen and said with his thick Italian accent.

"Your mom was arrested?" Phoebe asked when the host asked her about it.

"Shh! Shh! We're too busy beaming in pride." Chandler handed me a pint of ice cream. Mom mentioned how after having sex with a guy, she craves Kung Pao chicken.

"That's too much information!" Chandler yelled at the TV as if she could hear.

"No wonder Suparna eats Chinese food like every day." Joey nudged my shoulder. She mentioned going on a book tour, and she would be seeing us tomorrow here in New York.

"Great. This is the way that we find out." Chandler was about to get some chocolate syrup. 

"Most moms use the phone." I grumbled before scooping another gigantic spoonful of ice cream into my mouth. She also mentioned how she bought Chandler his first condoms.

"And then he burst into flames." He muttered when we all turned around to look at him. The next day, we were at a Mexican restaurant where Mom was pouring shots.

"I am famished. What do I want?" She looked at the menu over Chandler's shoulder.

"Please, God, don't let it be the Kung Pao chicken." I mumbled, but sadly, she heard me.

"Oh! You two watched the show!" She wrapped her arms around our shoulders. "What did you think?" She asked us.

"I think you need to come out of your shell just a bit." Chandler showed with his fingers.

"What is this dive?" Ross walked towards our table. "Only you could have picked this place." He pointed at Mom.

"Come on. Shut up. It's fun." She greeted him with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I think we're ready for some tequila. Who's doing shots?" She glanced at the rest of us. We all nodded our heads. "There you go...Ross?" Shea asked him.

"I'm not really a shot drinking kind of guy." He chuckled slightly while looking through the menu.

"Sorry! Sorry, we're late." Rachel and Paolo walked into the restaurant. "We, uh, just, you know, lost track of time." She giggled, the two sitting down.

"But a man can change." Ross replied before downing a shot. After many rounds, Ross was the only one of us who was drunk. "Anyone need me to appraise anything?" He held the shot glass over one of his eyes. Then, Rachel's hand and Paolo practically had sex right there.e

"I have read everything you've written. My best friend's mom is my favorite author! Isn't that great?" Rachel squealed. "I'm telling you, when I read Euphoria at Midnight, all I wanted to do was become a writer." She explained.

"Please, honey! If I can do it, anybody can. You just start with half a dozen European cities, throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia, and...Bam! You have got yourself a book." Mom answered.

"Ladies and gentlemen, our mother." Chandler said sarcastically. The next morning, I went to get the newspaper, but Joey and Ross were outside. We screamed for some reason.

"What are you guys doing out here?" I groaned sleepily, rubbing my eyes awake.

"Joey and I had discussed getting in an early–morning racquetball game, but apparently, somebody overslept." Ross pointed at Joey.

"Yeah, well, you don't have your racquet." Joey replied.

"No, no, I don't because it's getting restrung." Ross responded. "Somebody was supposed to bring me one."

"Well, you didn't call me to leave me your grip size." Joey crossed his arms over his chest.

"Maybe I should have ice cream for breakfast." I smiled slightly before walking back to my place. The guys came over to my apartment.

"Oh my God." Chandler and I stared blankly ahead at the news.

"You two are my friends. I...I had to tell you." Ross told us.

"I can't believe it." I let out a shaky breath. "Paolo kissed our mom?" I looked up at him.

"Yeah. Yeah, I don't know if you noticed, but he had a lot to drink. You know how he gets when he's..." Ross trailed off. "I can't do this. I did it. It was me. I'm sorry. I kissed your mom." Ross confessed to us.

"W–What?" Chandler stuttered out.

"I...I was feeling really upset about Rachel and Paolo, and I think I had too much tequila, and Nora, um, Mrs. Mom, your Bing, was, uh...was just being nice, you know? But nothing happened, nothing. Ask Joey." Ross explained. I looked back at Joey.

"You knew about this? You had all of last night and all of today to tell me, but you didn't say a thing. And Ross...as the sister of your best friend, I felt like we had a sibling connection. Clearly, we never did." I grabbed my keys. "I'm going out for a drive." And I closed the door behind me. 

Very late that day, Chandler and I were in his apartment with Mom. She was getting ready to head on a plane to Lisbon.

"Mom, why did you kiss Ross?" I asked her.

"Look, it was stupid." She closed the door behind her and walked over to us.

"Really stupid." Chandler said as he and I nodded our heads in agreement.

"Really stupid, and...I don't even know how it happened. I'm sorry, honey, but I promise it'll never happen again." She leaned against the kitchen counter. "Are we okay?" She looked between the two of us.

"Yeah..." Chandler nodded his head slowly.

"No." I answered for the both of us with what we were truly feeling. "When are you going to start being a mom, Mom?" I spat out at her.

"When are you going to realize that I already am a mom?" After talking everything out, not just the kiss, but everything, she had to go. "Are you guys going to be okay?" She asked us.

"Yeah, we're going to be okay. We have each other." Chandler wrapped his arm around my shoulders, and I wrapped my arm around his waist.

"Alright. You two be good." She kissed both of our cheeks.

"Fly safe, Mom." I smiled at her. Then, we saw Ross standing in the hallway.

"Joey's in your apartment." He pointed at my door.

"I figured." I shrugged my shoulders. "Goodnight, big brother." I smiled up at him.

"Goodnight, little sis." He kissed my forehead and gave me a hug. Somehow, our mom kissing one of our friends brought us closer than we've ever been. 

"Joey?" I asked, walking into my apartment and closing the door behind me.

"No one's here right. Especially not someone named Joey." I heard him say in a high–pitched voice, making me giggle.

"I'm not mad at you anymore." I leaned against the dining table. He came out from behind the couch and slowly walked over to me.

"Are you sure? This isn't a trick, right?" He pointed at me.

"Promise." I held my hands up jokingly before taking out one of my bags of marshmallows from the cupboard. "Want some?" I held up the bag.

"Obviously." We sat at the dining table and stuffed our mouths with the marshmallow.

"If you have a secret or anything, you know you can tell me." I smiled at him kindly.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you what happened. I know I should have." He reached over and held my hand, giving it a comforting squeeze.