"You're so pretty."

----------

"Hey, look at me. I'm making jam." Rachel, Ross, and I entered Monica's apartment to see way too many crates of fruit. "Been at it since 4:00 this morning."

"Where'd you get fruit at 4:00 in the morning?" Ross shut the door behind him.

"I went down to the docks. I bet you didn't know you could get it wholesale." She pointed at me and Rachel.

"Didn't know there were docks." I scratched the back of my head.

"Hey." Chandler and Joey came into the apartment.

"Oh my God! What happened to your arm?" I ran up to Joey, seeing the sling wrapped around him. "Is it broken?"

"No. But I've got to wear this for a couple of weeks. We can match." He smiled at me and nodded towards my ankle that still had the brace.

"Did you tell the doctor you did it jumping up and down your bed?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"I had a whole story worked out, but then, uh...Chandler sold me out." Joey smacked Chandler's shoulder a little too aggressively, but I can't blame him.

"Well, I'm sorry, Joe. I didn't think the doctor was going to buy that it just fell out of the socket." Chandler replied, making the four of us look up at them.

"What is this?" Joey came over to the dining table, which was filled with jars of jam. "Fruit?" He picked up a peach.

"Monica's making jam." Rachel put her hands on her hips.

"Jam? I love jam." Joey smiled brightly. "How come we never have jam out our place?" He asked Chandler.

"Because the kids need new shoes." Chandler pretended to tear up.

"And because you always steal it from my place." I called out.

"People, I am going into business." Monica started a new batch. "I'm sick and tired of being depressed about Richard. I need a plan. A plan to get over my man. And what's the opposite of 'man'? Jam." She rhymed.

"Did I just enter the world of Dr. Seuss?" I joked. Joey tried a spoonful from the pot on the stove.

"No, Joey! It's way too hot!" Monica exclaimed and rushed over to stop him, but it was too late. Joey spit the jam back into the pot in reflex.

"This'll just be my batch." He gave her a slightly nervous smile. Joey came over to my apartment later.

"Joey, I don't think we can do it. I don't want you to get hurt again." I whispered as he kissed down my neck, distracting me and making me lose my train of thought.

"I'll be careful. And I have to be careful about your leg, too." He unhooked my bra underneath my shirt with only one of his hands.

"Wow, I am dating a talented and handsome man." I smiled into the kiss. After a couple of...rounds, Joey headed down to Central Perk, and I finished up the dishes before joining him, Rachel, Chandler, and Ross.

"Remember when you were a kid, and your mom would drop you off at the movies with a jar of jam and a little spoon?" Joey smiled to himself while slathering the scone in some of Monica's homemade jam.

"You're so pretty." Rachel and I complimented him. She went over to the couch and I sat down in his lap.

"Hi." Phoebe joined us. "You know that guy who's been following me? I talked to him today." She informed us. 

"You talked to him?" Joey's mouth was full of food when he asked her. "Are you crazy?" He covered the back of my neck with saliva and food.

"Say it, don't spray it." I groaned in disgust. He grabbed a napkin and wiped away the food for me.

"I am not crazy." Phoebe crossed her arms over her chest. "His name is Malcolm, and he wasn't following me. I mean, he was, but just 'cause he thought I was Ursula. Ugh." She made a sound of disgust. "And that's why...that's why he couldn't just come up and talk to me. 'Cause of the restraining order."

"Not feeling better about Malcolm." Chandler spoke up.

"No. No, no. He's not like a kook, no." Phoebe sat down on the arm of the couch. "He's just, like, this very passionate, incredibly romantic guy that just got, like, a teensy bit carried away, and we just get along really well, and he is so cute." She gushed.

"Oh my God. You've got a crush on your sister's stalker." Ross stated.

"No. No, I'm just going to help him, you know, get de–Ursula–ized. Like I did with Joey after he went out with her." She explained. "And look how well that turned out for him." She pointed at us.

"But I didn't stalk her." Joey spit on me once again.

"She asked for the news, not the weather." I moved my hair aside so he could clean me up again.

"Hey, guys." Monica came in with a jar of jam in her hand. "Joey, this is for you. It's blackberry–currant." She set down the jar on the table.

"Aw!" He opened it up and licked the top of it. Then he moaned ecstatically at the taste. "Only this one makes me sound like that." He kissed my shoulder.

"First of all, that's my sister." Chandler grimaced. "Second, Joe, I have got to ask. Suparna, buck naked, or a big tub of jam?" I could not believe my own brother would even ask my boyfriend that.

"Put your hands together." Joey smirked and nodded his head. Chandler held his hands up in surrender.

"Take your time with that, Joey. That's my last batch." Monica warned him.

"No more jam?" His voice broke.

"What happened to your jam plan?" I furrowed my brows.

"I figured out I need to charge 17 bucks a jar just to break even. So I've got a new plan now." She shrugged her shoulders. "Babies." She smiled.

"You're going to need much bigger jars." Chandler nodded his head, making me roll my eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Ross asked logically.

"I'm talking about me having a baby. The great thing about the jam plan was that I was taking control of my life. So I asked myself: what is the most important thing to me in the whole world? And that's when I came up with the baby plan." She explained.

"Aren't you forgetting something? What is...what is that guy's name—dad?" Ross blurted out.

"No, look. It took me 28 years to find one man that I want spend my life with. If I have to wait another 28 years, then I'll be 56 before I can have a baby, and that's just stupid." She replied.

"Th–That's what's stupid?" Chandler questioned, making me throw a balled–up napkin at him.

"I don't need an actual man. Just a couple of his best swimmers." She smirked at her little joke. "And there are places that you can go to get...that kind of stuff." She took a sip of her latte.

"Down to the docks again?" Rachel asked. Later that night, Joey came into my apartment with an empty jar.

"I finished the jam." He pouted sadly.

"Well, that's why I got some more." I opened up the fridge and pulled out some peach jam.

"And that's why I got lucky enough to get the best girlfriend in the world." He pecked my lips before digging into the jam. The next day, he and I were at Monica's place. Ross and Rachel were on the couch and arm chair while the Chandler, Joey, and I sat at the dining table. Joey held out some jam to feed me.

"No, I'm alright." I passed on the offer. At this point, jam really made me sick. He moved the spoon over and offered it to Chandler.

"I just had a jar of mustard." Chandler replied.

"Sperm donor #03815. Come on down!" Monica stepped out of her room. "Okay, 6'2", 170 pounds, and he describes himself as a male Geena Davis." She read off of it.

"You mean there's more than one of us?" Chandler raised his brows.

"You can't do this." Ross complained. "If you do this, I'm going to, I'm–I'm..." He trailed off.

"You're going to what?" Monica asked.

"I'm going to tell Mom." He finished.

"Honey, I'm sorry, but he's right." Rachel gave her an apologetic look. "I love you, but you're crazy."

"Crazy." Ross repeated.

"Why is this crazy?" She gestured. "So this isn't the ideal way to do something." Ross went to interrupt her. "Lips moving, still talking." She shut him up. "I mean, it may not be ideal, but...I'm so ready." She tried to persuade us. "I see the way Ben looks at you. It makes me ache, you know?"

"Check it out. Jam crackers." Joey held up his invention and smiled proudly.

"That's great, sweetie." I smiled and pat his leg.

"Alright, how about this one? 27, Italian–America guy. He's an actor...born in Queens. Wow, big family. Seven sisters, and he's the only...boy." We all looked over at Joey, who was too busy eating. "Oh my God. Under personal comments—'New York Knicks rule'."

"Yeah, the Knicks rule." Joey repeated.

"Joey, this is you." Monica waved the profile.

"Let me see." Joey went up to her and took the file out of her hands. "Oh, right, yeah." He nodded his head.

"When did you go to a sperm bank?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

"After I did that sex study down at NYU." He answered. "Hey, remember that sweater I gave you for your birthday?" He turned to Chandler.

"And that's how you bought it?" My brother stood up.

"No." Joey waved him off. "That's what I was wearing when I donated." Ross started to chuckle but stopped when he saw the look on Chandler's face. "I'm kind of surprised there's any of my boys left."

"Honey, it is pretty competitive. I've got an actual rocket scientist here." Monica pointed down at the next profile.

"Maybe I should call this place and get them to put my Days of our Lives gig on here." Joey suggested. "You know, juice this puppy up a little." Then, Phoebe came into the apartment.

"Hello." She walked in all happily.

"How's the maniac?" Ross inquired.

"Oh, he's yummy. We did a little kissing." She went to the other side of the coffee table and sat down.

"Phoebe, what are you doing?" I went over to them and sat down on the arm of the couch next to Joey.

"No, no, no, no. He's not into the stuff anymore." She shrugged it off. "He quit for me." She smiled.

"He was obsessed with your sister for God knows how long? You don't just give up something like that." Rachel shook her head.

"Look, he gave me his night vision goggles and everything, so..." She pulled them out of her bag.

"You're taking the word of a guy who has night vision goggles?" Ross raised his eyebrows at her.

"Well, he's not still following her." She defended him. "You think he's still following her?" Her smile fell.

"Pheebs, wake up and smell the restraining order." Chandler replied.

"What are you saying I should do?" She asked.

"I think if you really like this guy, you should just trust him." Monica advised her.

"Thank you, Monica." Phoebe motioned towards her.

"Or you could follow him and see where he goes." Joey suggested.

"That's definitely what I would do." Monica nodded her head, disregarding her own idea. "Forget mine." Later the next day, I walked into the Mon's apartment to see Joey hugging her.

"I'm guessing you're not going through with the sperm bank." I gave her a sad smile and sat down next to her.

"No." She shook her head. "Joey illustrated this picture of me and this guy named Hoyt in our beautiful house with a pool and three kids." She smiled up at him.

"And you'll get that some day. I promise." I reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"Thanks." She smiled at me a little. "You know, Joey sees a lot for you guys, too." She teased me.

"Yeah, I got really lucky with him, didn't I?" Joey and I stared at each other, just smiling. Afterwards, Rachel, Ross, and Chandler came over.

"The sperm bank hasn't sold a single unit of Tribbiani." Joey complained. "Nobody wants my product."

"Done with the mac and cheese." I pushed the bowl of food away from me.

"I mean, I don't get it, you know?" Joey licked the jam jar clean but got quite a bit all over his face. "I mean...if they met me in person..."

"Honey, you've got a little...thing on your..." I pointed to my chin.

"Oh!" He wiped a little away and licked his finger clean.

"Get it?" He asked me.

"Yeah." I gave up trying.