FIFTY TWO

"Now I can have milk every day!"
----------
"Welcome, everybody! Welcome to Amazing Discoveries!" The host announced.
"Oh, it's on again!" Phoebe exclaimed before turning up the volume.
"Guys, can we please not watch this?" Joey groaned. He got the role in an infomercial, and it's the funniest thing we have ever seen.
"Shh!" The rest of us shushed him.
"Folks, this ever happen to you?" The host went over to Joey. "You go to the refrigerator to get a glass of milk, but these darn cartons are so flinging–flanging hard to open?" He asked the audience and viewers.
"You said it, Mike." Joey pretended to struggle to open it, and he ended up ripping it entirely. "Oh!" He groaned at the mess. "There has got to be a better way."
"And there is, Kevin." Mike held up a finger and smiled at the camera.
"Can we please turn this off?" Joey asked us again.
"No way, Kevin." I replied.
"What if I told you that there's a revolutionary new product that guarantees you'll never have to open milk cartons again?" This is way too scripted. "Meet the Milkmaster 2000." The audience made oohing and ahhing noises.
"Are you intrigued?" Ross leaned over to ask my brother.
"You're flinging–flanging right I am." Chandler answered in Mike's tone.
"He's never used this product before." Mike threw out the disclaimer. "You're going to see how easy this is to do." Joey poked the little funnel into the cartons. "This works with any milk carton."
"Wow, it is easy." Joey smiled. "Now I can have milk every day!" He poured some into the glass. Later the next morning, Joey and I were in Monica's apartment with Ben and Ross.
"Give Daddy the Barbie. Give me the Barbie." Ross demanded from his son. "Okay, how about...don't you want to play with a monster truck?" Ross made truck engine noises. "No? Okay. Ooh, ooh, how about a dinosoldier?"
"Ross, let the kid play with the Barbie. What's so wrong with that?" I asked him.
"You are so pathetic, Ross. Why can't you let your son just play with his doll?" Rachel spoke up before stabbing the milk carton with the Milkmaster 2000.
"Those are lifesavers." I let out a sound of satisfaction.
"I got to go to work." Monica stepped out of her room in her work clothes. "Has anybody seen my left boob?"
"I loved that movie." Joey chuckled. She found it lying around on the coffee table.
"Joe, Joe, answer the phone." Chandler came barging in.
"Hey, I only got one good arm." Joey lifted his bad arm a bit. "You should be doing stuff for me. Go get me a sweater." Joey ordered him.
"Just do it, okay? It's Janice." Chandler spat out. "If I get it, I'll have to see her tonight." Then the telephone stopped ringing. "Oh, that's great. I'm going to have to see her tonight."
"Why don't you want to see Janice?" I put down my magazine.
"Last night at dinner, when the meals came, she put half her chicken piccata on my plate, and then she took all my tomatoes." He exclaimed.
"And that's bad because..." Ross trailed off. "You hate chicken piccata?"
"No." Chandler shook his head slightly.
"You didn't want to share your tomatoes." Ross continued to guess. "Tomatoes are very important to you."
"No, it's like, all of a sudden we were a couple. This alarm started going off in my head—'Run for your life! Get out of the building!'" He yelled.
"Men are unbelievable." Rachel shook her head in disappointment.
"What is it with you people? I mean, the minute feel something, you have to run away?" Monica backed Rachel up.
"Be more like Joey. He is completely head over heels for Suparna, and he doesn't care about feelings." Rachel added in argument.
"I know that...that's why I don't want to go tonight." He put his hands on his hips. "I'm afraid I'm going to say something stupid." He admitted.
"You mean like that guy thing where you act all mean and distant until you get us to break up with you." I stood up, Monica and Rachel pointing at me in agreement.
"Hey, you know about that?" Joey inquired, making me squint my eyes at him.
"Alright, look, what do I do? I want to get past this." Chandler panicked. "I don't want to be afraid of the commitment thing." I smiled a little. "I want to go through the tunnel to the other side." He emphasized.
"Where there's no fear of commitment." Ross explained to Joey.
"So do we have any..." Chandler accidentally smacked one of Monica's fake boobs. "Do we have any thoughts here?" He turned to the rest of us.
"I've already been through the tunnel myself..." Joey winked at me, making the girls aw. "...and I know for a fact that it's like anything else. Face the fear." He articulated. "You're afraid of height? You go to the top of the building. You're afraid of bugs? Get a bug." He tried to get his point across. "In this case, you have a fear of commitment. So I say you go in there and you be the most committed guy there ever was." Joey stood up.
"Amazingly, that makes sense." Rachel pointed at Joey.
"Do you think?" Chandler glanced back at her before turning to Joey.
"Oh, yeah. Go for it, man. Jump off the high dive, stare down the barrel of the gun. Pee into the wind." We all gave Joey strange looks.
"Joey, I assure you, if I'm staring down the barrel of a gun, I'm going to be pretty much peeing every which way." Chandler pat Joey's shoulder. That night, Joey came over for dinner since Chandler had Janice with him.
"I had a great idea today. See, Chandler bought Janice contact paper." Joey started to describe.
"Contact paper? Joe, sweetie, don't buy me contact paper. Ever." I pat his arm.
"He only got it for a drawer from his dresser to scare Janice. Sort of." He waved his hand. "But that's besides the point. I was thinking that we should, you know...move in. Together. Like a couple. Which we are." He added.
"You want to move in together?" I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
"Maybe not just yet, but I really do want to. You're my girlfriend." He brushed a piece of my hair behind my ear.
"Who knew the Joey Tribbiani would make the first move about this big of a commitment?" I chuckled.
"You bring out the best in me." He pulled me in for a gentle kiss.
"It's settled then. Whenever we're both ready, we'll...we'll move in together." I let out a shaky sigh. "I kind of want to get some ice cream. I'll be back." I grabbed my jacket.
"Wait, I'll come with you." He put his jacket only through one arm since his other was still in a sling. "We could get some movies and junk food."
"Good idea. And I need to get some groceries since you and Chandler keep eating everything I have." I pretended to glare at him.
"This is great. We're going to the grocery store as a couple." He held my hand. I smiled, and we walked out of the apartment building and to the store. I grabbed a cart, and Joey put in a bunch of junk food.
"Honey, we're going to need some fruits and vegetables to, you know, survive." I chuckled at his eagerness. We went to the produce aisle and got a lot of stuff. When it came to the frozen aisle, Joey took over with the cart so I could load up on junk food.
"Baby, we don't need more bags of tater tots. You have way too much." He laughed.
"You can never have too many bags of tater tots." I pointed my finger at him as a fake threat. We finished up at the frozen aisle and made our final stop at the ice cream section.
"Cookies and cream, vanilla, Neapolitan...am I forgetting something?" I thought about it.
"Uh...jam!" He exclaimed and ran down the other aisles.
"I don't think there's jam flavored ice cream." I let out a giggle and slowly followed behind him. Once we paid, we headed back to the apartments. I opened up a bottle of wine.
"Here's to living our lives together." We raised our glasses.
"And eating lots of tater tots and jam." I smiled, and he was about to say something. "But never together." I quickly added, knowing exactly what he was thinking.
Bạn đang đọc truyện trên: TruyenTop.Vip