SEVENTY SIX

"Oh my God!"

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"How desperate am I?" Monica stepped out of her room.

"Good thing Chandler's not here. He always wins at this game." Rachel smile up at her.

"I just told my mom I'd cater a party for her." Monica took a seat at the dining table.

"How come?" Phoebe finished spreading cream cheese on her bagel.

"Because I need the money, and I thought it'd be a great way to get rid of that last little smidgen of self–respect." Monica smiled sarcastically.

"Well, I think this is a good thing." Ross spoke up. "I don't think Mom would have hired you if she didn't think you were good at what you do." He replied.

"No one cares what you think." I blurted out, making everyone turn to me. "I didn't mean that. I'm just tired." I leaned my head against the dining table.

"You don't have to stick up for her. She can't hear you." Monica turned back to her brother. Later in the day, Rachel and I stopped by the guys' apartment.

"Hey." We greeted them simultaneously.

"Uh, you guys have any juice?" Rachel asked while I looked through their fridge.

"Just pickle." Joey answered before continuing to read his newspaper. She joined me in searching for anything edible in their fridge.

"Hey, uh, Rach, funny story. I bumped into Joanna on the street yesterday." Chandler poured himself a cup of coffee from his thermos.

"My boss, Joanna?" Rachel stood up. "Wow, that must have been awkward." She made a face.

"Well, no. She asked me if I wanted to get a drink." He shrugged his shoulders.

"Oh, God." I groaned and shut the fridge door.

"You, uh, didn't say yes to that, did you?" Rachel laughed nervously.

"No." Chandler let out a laugh with her.

"She's in the bathroom, isn't she?" I crossed my arms over my chest. Right on cue, Rachel's boss, the famous Joanna, stepped out of the bathroom in a towel.

"Hello, Rachel." Joanna quickly greeted her and went into Chandler's room.

"Ooh, you're good." Joey looked up at me.

"Yeah. I know." I brushed my hair to behind my shoulders and went over to him. I took a seat in his lap and tossed aside the newspaper. "The show's about to begin." I whispered to him as we watched Rachel and Chandler.

"Well, not at first." Chandler changed his answer, but it was too late. Rachel was fuming.

"What is she doing here?" She enunciated to him. That's when Joey made noises that sounded like a bed creaking, meaning they had sex. "I don't understand. Last time you went out with her, you said she was a big, dull dud!" Rachel spat out.

"I think I judged her too quickly. This time, we were able to take the relationship to the next level." Chandler defended himself quite pathetically.

"Last time, I almost got fired." Rachel reminded him. "You must end it. You must end it now." She begged him.

"Come on. It's not like this is an everyday occurrence for me. I mean, usually, I'm pretty much in there all by myself." Chandler argued with a whine..

"That's the cue for the younger sister and her boyfriend to leave." I got off of Joey's lap, and the two of us were about to go into my apartment.

"Stay." Rachel's left eye twitched, and that only happens when she's really upset. Joey and I quickly backed up and got back in our sitting position. "Promise me you will end it." She turned back to Chandler.

"Okay. I promise. I'll end it." He gave in with a long sigh.

"Thank you." She adjusted her composure.

"I hope you know what I'm giving up for you because she's not just the boss in your office...if you know what I mean." He winked at her.

"Yeah." Joey chuckled, making me and Rachel look at him. "Oh, sorry. I knew what he meant." He pointed up at my older brother. The next morning, Joey was busy cleaning gum off from underneath the guys' new dining table, Chandler was off breaking up with Joanna at her office, and Monica and Phoebe were catering at Monica's mother's party for whatever. I decided to take Rachel out for lunch.

"So you don't have work to do?" She asked me as we headed up to her office.

"No, I don't. Besides, I can just work from home since I have to pick out designs for the new season." The two of us got off of the elevator.

"Really?" She gasped in surprise and excitement.

"Don't worry. I'll let you help me." I bumped her hip as we walking into her office. We saw Joanna lock the door of her office as soon as she stepped out of it.

"Oh, hi." She looked back at me, Rachel, and her other assistant, Sophie.

"Hi. I brought you back a macaron." Sophie held up the little bag.

"Great. I'll keep it in my butt with your nose." Joanna spat out venomously and ripped the small bag out of Sophie's hand. Ouch.

"That's weird. She locked the door." Rachel placed her hands on her hips.

"You know why? She's got the Christmas bonus list in there. I saw her working on it this morning." Sophie smirked and nodded her head knowingly.

"Okay. Swear you won't tell, but when Mark left, he gave me a key to Joanna's office." Rachel grabbed my hand and trotted over to the second door. "You want to see the list?" She glanced back at Sophie.

"Yeah!" Sophie cheered.

"This is like high school all over again." I rolled my eyes but smiled in amusement nonetheless. Rachel grabbed the key off the top shelf and opened up the door, only to reveal a pants–less Chandler handcuffed to the chair he was currently sitting on. Half–naked. Rachel, Sophie, and I gasped in shock. "I could have gone my entire life without seeing that." I felt super nauseous.

"Hi." Chandler greeted us with an awkward smile. "How are you?" He asked us. Rachel pushed me and Sophie out before closing the door behind her.

"Get her a chair. She's pale." Rachel motioned towards me. Sophie brought over a chair and made me sit down. That's when the intercom buzzed, meaning Chandler was trying to contact us. "What?" Rachel said angrily.

"Rachel, could I see you for a moment?" He requested formally.

"I think I'm just going to go." I carefully stood up and grabbed my purse and lunch. "See you at home." I kissed Rachel's cheek and walked out slowly, still in shock at what I saw. That evening, we me up at Central Perk.

"Hello." Chandler walked in with his hands in his pockets.

"Wow. I didn't think you knew what pants were." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Very funny." He rolled his eyes teasingly.

"Hello, Chandler." Monica and Phoebe looked up at him seductively.

"I love you." He kissed the top of Rachel's head. "And I got you something." He turned to me. "There will always be frosting for you." He pinched my cheeks.

"Don't touch me. I don't know where those hands have been." I fake scoffed. "But thank you." I kissed his cheek.

"Hey, what's going on?" Joey furrowed his brows.

"Oh..." Phoebe called them over and told them the fake story Rachel promised Chandler she would tell the others.

"No, he doesn't." Joey snickered.

"Two hours that lasted." Chandler glanced down at his watch.

"So, did you break up with Joanna?" Rachel pat his knee.

"I think so." He sighed.

"It's a good thing you got out when you did before she blew up like that Vesuvius." Joey played with a toothpick.

"The volcano?" Ross questioned.

"Yeah. And speaking of volcanoes, man, are they a violent, igneous rock formation." He frowned a bit.

"What?" Rachel was confused. Well, we all were.

"He isn't warm." I pressed the back of my hand against his forehead.

"Oh, yeah...lava spewing, hot ash...of course, some are dormant." He quickly added.

"Why are you talking about volcanoes all of a sudden?" Monica asked him.

"We can talk about something else." Joey suggested. "What do we want to talk about? Vivisection? The vas deferens? The Vietnam War?" He listed out random topics.

"Did anybody see that documentary on the Korean War?" Monica inquired. We all nodded our head.

"Korea is such a beautiful country." Phoebe stated.

"With such a sad history." Ross shook his head.

"Could there be more Kims?" Chandler joked, making us laugh.

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