"Hey, shut up. You're not my real mom!"

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"Guys, I thought you were taking Ross to the game." Monica, Phoebe, and I stepped into the coffeehouse.

"We are. He's meeting us here." Chandler and Joey looked up at us.

"No. Rachel is meeting us here." I motioned towards me and the girls.

"Come on, they can be in the same room." Phoebe cut in.

"You should have been there last night." Joey and I shared a look.

"Why? What happened now?" Phoebe asked him.

"Ross was hanging out at our place. Rachel comes over to borrow some moisturizer from Chandler—" Joey was telling them the story.

"Hey, Joey, would you...? How hard is it to say 'something'? 'Rachel came over to borrow...something'." Chandler interrupted his roommate.

"Don't get upset with him, Chandler. Rachel didn't like the brand Joey uses." I giggled.

"Thanks a lot." Joey stuck his tongue out at me. "Anyway, her and Ross just started yelling at each other." Joey finished his story.

"Wait, why was he yelling at her? He's the one who slept with someone else." Phoebe inquired.

"I guess he says that because they were on a break when it happened, she should've forgiven him now." He said.

"He is so unreasonable. God!" Phoebe rolled her eyes. "Although, I think I understand what he means." She changed her mind and agreed with him. "Oh my God, this is like 60 Minutes. Okay, when at first you're really mad at that pharmaceutical company for making the drug, and then, you know, you just feel bad for the people because they needed to make their hair grow." She gave us an analogy.

"You know what this is like? This is like when our parents divorced." Chandler glanced at me.

"Man, I hope Ross doesn't try to kidnap me after Girl Scouts." I pretended to worry.

"W–Wait, you were a Girl Scout?" Joey visibly gulped.

"I made her sell my stuff for Cub Scouts." Chandler chuckled.

"Does something about me being a Girl Scout make you...happy?" I raised an eyebrow at him.

"Suparna, what are you—alright, listen here, buddy. That is my little sister." Chandler glared at Joey after realizing what I meant by 'happy'.

"You know, I had a dream that Ross and Rachel were still together. Like they never even broke up." Phoebe thankfully changed the subject. "And we were all just, like, hanging out together, and everyone was happy. And nobody slept with that Xerox girl." She let out a sad sigh.

"I had the same dream. Except I did sleep with somebody." Joey winked at me in an obvious manner.

"Maybe it's going to be okay. I mean, it's been a week." I tried to be hopeful. Then, Rachel came inside.

"Okay, let's go. Let's hit the road. Let's get the show on it." Monica was determined to get us out of here.

"Let me just get a cup of coffee." Rachel hung up her coat on the rack.

"I know the best coffeehouse, and it's so close." Mon blurted out.

"Closer than...here?" Rach pointed down.

"Hey, look, look, I found coffee." Phoebe picked up a cup from some random table.

"Okay, let's skedaddle." I smiled nervously. "There's a word I never thought I'd ever say." I grimaced.

"Pheebs, I'm not going to drink somebody's old coffee." Rachel handed the mug back to Phoebe.

"Fine, your highness." Phoebe rolled her eyes. Then, Ross walked in.

"Great timing, Geller." I muttered to myself.

"'Rachel, I'm really sorry'. 'Um, that's okay, Ross. You want to get back together?' 'Yeah, okay'." Phoebe pretended to be the ex–couple. "Did anyone else hear that?" She gasped in fake shock. Back in the guys' apartment, we watched Joey struggle to use chopsticks.

"We get Chinese takeout every night, and you still can't use chopsticks?" I leaned over and kissed his cheek before stealing one of his pieces of chicken.

"Hey! It's harder than it looks." He pouted.

"Aww." I ruffled his hair. Then, someone knocked on the door, so Chandler went to get it.

"Is he here?" Rachel whispered to him, referring to Ross.

"No." Chandler shook his head.

"Oh. Here's your moisturizer." She handed him the bottle. Chandler took it, but his face showed quite a bit of embarrassment. "Hi." She greeted us.

"Hey." We smiled back at her.

"You guys are going to love me!" She squealed. "Okay, check it out—Thursday night, six tickets. Calvin Klein Lingerie Show, and you guys are coming with me." She announced.

"Shoot, I have to model for that." I groaned tiredly.

"I'll be there." Joey raised his hand, but Chandler gave us a look, making the rest of us look away.

"Okay, I said that out loud, right?" Rachel questioned.

"Yes, yes. It's just that we, uh, we kind of already...made plans with Ross." Chandler confessed to her.

"Oh. Well, okay." She brushed her hair behind her ears. "Well, there you go. " She shrugged her shoulders.

"No. It's just that he got this new home theater dealy, and he wants us to check it out." Phoebe explained.

"He's really excited about it, too. He even recorded showtimes on his answering machine. " Chandler chuckled, but I hit him with a broccoli.

"Huh. I wonder where that broccoli came from." I glared at him.

"We're sorry, honey." Monica smiled at her apologetically.

"Oh, it's okay." She was about to leave.

"Rach, it's not that we don't want to. Really." Joey went after her. "I've just seen all of the new pieces." He glanced back and winked at me.

"My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"But Ross did ask us first, and we set that night aside." Joey addd.

"No. Hey, come on, you know. If he asked you first, that's only fair." She waved it off before heading out. The five of us groaned simultaneously.

"Oh, boy, do I feel bad." Phoebe shook her head.

"Very bad. Oh, yeah. Horrible." Monica, Joey, and I agreed with her.

"Chandler? Chandler, what are you doing?" We turned around to see him lighting a cigarette.

"Oh my God!" He took it out of his mouth.

"You're smoking again?" Joey questioned him.

"What about those patches I introduced you to? I thought those were really working." I put my hands on my hips.

"Actually, yesterday, I was smoking again. Today, I'm...I'm still smoking." He informed us. "And I went through those patches like that." He snapped his fingers.

"But would you start smoking again after chewing all the quitting gum?" Phoebe sighed.

"I'm telling you, this is just like our parents' divorce, which is when I started smoking in the first place." He replied.

"You told me the lighter and cigarettes belonged to the busboy." I pointed at him accusingly.

"Weren't you nine?" Monica furrowed her brows in confusion.

"Yeah." He shrugged his shoulders. "I'm telling you something, that, uh, first smoke after nap time..." Someone else knocked on the door. "With my luck, that's going to be him." Chandler went over to the door.

"Him? Him, Ross?" Phoebe questioned.

"No. Him, uh, 253. His eyes are on the Sparrow." He joked.

"When our parents got divorced, Chandler started to use humor as a defense mechanism." I added. He blushed a bit before opening up the door.

"Hi. Uh, do you guys have plans for the weekend because I have a sister on hold, and she said that we could have her cabin for the weekend and go skiing." Rachel suggested. "Huh? I'm asking you first, right? I mean, I'm playing by the rules." She asked us.

"Yeah, yeah." We all nodded our heads in agreement. 

"Chandler! You're smoking? What are you doing?" Rachel yelled at him.

"Hey, shut up. You're not my real mom!" Chandler took a step back. Fast forward to Thursday night where we were in Ross' apartment.

"Can you close that window, Chandler? My nipples could cut glass here." Joey requested.

"He's right." I ran my hand across Joey's chest.

"Really? Mine get me out of tickets." Phoebe pointed at her boobs.

"Look, you guys, uh, I just want to say I really, really appreciate you spending this time with me." Ross came out of the kitchen with a bowl of chips. "It's been a pretty hard time right now, so I just want to say thanks." He said.

"Can somebody else hug him? I have to stay by the window." Chandler continued to smoke.

"Oh, hey, hey, huh? How about this weekend, we have a laser disc marathon, and maybe a new tournament on my new...dart board. Huh? Huh? What do you think?" He offered. "Two days of darts. It'll be great" He stated in an awful Irish accent.

"It'll be great for next weekend." Joey stood up.

"No, no, no. This weekend, guys." Ross argued.

"It'll be great for next weekend." Joey repeated. "I mean...it'll be great." He added the same Irish accent that was barely a step up from Ross' accent.

"What's going on?" Ross inquired.

"We were, um...sort of invited to go skiing. You know, Rachel's sister's cabin." Phoebe answered. Chandler went back to his spot by the window to smoke.

"So...for the whole weekend or...?" He asked awkwardly.

"We're really sorry. But, um...she did ask us first." Monica pat his shoulder.

"That's okay. I mean, if you guys all have to go away for the first weekend I'm alone by myself, you know...I totally, totally understand." He stuffed his hands into his pockets.

"You know what? I could stay. I'm going to stay." Phoebe offered. 

"We're kind of going to need you to drive us in your grandma's cab." Joey reminded her.

"I'll stay. I probably have to do the weekend show for Calvin Klein since I missed tonight's. You could come. And I could introduce you to models." I shrugged my shoulders.

"I'll stay, too." Joey blurted out.

"No, you two. I'll stay." Monica assured us. "He's my brother." She smiled at him.

"What, a pity stay?" Ross scoffed.

"No. We're going to have fun. We can make fudge." Monica pumped her fists into the air.

"Pity food? You know what? That's okay, alright? I don't need any of you to stay, okay? Nobody stays." He shook his head at us.

"Well, then, I might as well offer to stay." Chandler spoke up. The next night, we left for Rachel's sister's cabin in Phoebe's grandma's car.

"Does anybody else feel bad about Ross?" Joey whispered in question.

"Why? Do you think he's still mad at us?" Monica worried.

"He's probably more mad since you called him this morning to borrow his goggles." Chandler enunciated.

"What? Mine aren't tinted." Joey shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm dating a diva." I lay back against Joey.

"Chandler, what does the sign say?" Phoebe asked as soon as Chandler placed a cigarette in his mouth.

"'Beam me up, Jesus'." Chandler answered.

"No. The 'no smoking' sign. There's no smoking in my grandmother's cab." She rolled her eyes.

"Okay. Well, then, I have to go to the bathroom." He countered.

"No, no, no. No unscheduled stops. You can go when we stop for gas." Monica gave him a look.

"Come on. There's rest stop right up there." He pointed to a spot ahead. "Come on. I really have to go." He whined for a while.

"Don't do it, Chandler. I will not hesitate to kill you." I squinted my eyes at him.

"Oh, now I have to go!" Joey pouted. As soon as we got to the rest area, Joey ran out of the cab and carefully trotted through the snow to the bathroom. Chandler got out and immediately took out a cigarette.

"Don't you want to go?" Phoebe looked over at Rachel.

"Rachel never pees in public restrooms." I shook my head and shut the door behind me. Rachel was the only one in the cab, but she decided to come out.

"No, don't close it! The keys are in there." Phoebe groaned.

"Oh, no, no, no, no." Chandler muttered with the cigarette still between his lips. 

"What?" Joey came out of the bathroom.

"My lighter's in there!" Chandler exclaimed before going over to the back of the cab. Monica, Phoebe, Rachel, and I stood by the building while Joey went to the driver's side. "Damn. The tailpipe's not hot enough to light this." He cursed under his breath.

"Relax, okay? I can get this open." Joey came over to us. "Anybody got a coat hanger?" He inquired.

"I do. No, wait a minute. I took it out of my shirt when I put it on this morning." Chandler responded sarcastically.

"There's no time for your stupid jokes!" I smacked his arm.

"So if your parents hadn't got divorced, you'd be able to answer a question like a normal person?" Monica smiled at him in a fake way.

"Look, I just need a wire or something to jimmy it." Joey cut in. "Oh, hey...one of you guys give me the underwire from your bra." He turned to us.

"What?" The four of us exclaimed at the same time.

"Come on, who has the biggest boobs?" Joey questioned, making us scoff again. "Whoever has the biggest boobs has the biggest bra therefore has the biggest wire." He explained.

"No!" We shouted at the same time.

"If you want to get back in the car, we need that wire. Your call." Joey pat the cab.

"Okay, Suparna's are the biggest. You should have seen that shoot she did for Calvin Klein a month ago." Phoebe threw me under the bus.

"First of all, there's this magical thing called photoshopping that makes them look much bigger than they really are." I pointed a finger at her. "And secondly, Monica's are definitely bigger." I nodded towards her.

"These tiny, little non–breasts? Please. It's got to be Rachel." Monica pointed at her.

"No, no, no. Mine are deceptively small. I mean, I–I–I actually sometimes stuff my bras." She replied.

"Well, then, your bra would still be bigger." Monica argued.

"No, I stuff the...outside of my bra." Rachel started to confuse herself as well.

"Ladies, ladies, let's just compromise, okay? Phoebe, Suparna, Rachel, take off Monica's bra." Chandler smirked.

"Oh, forget it. You can have mine." Phoebe zipped up the rest of her jacket and took our hands out before popping out of one of the arms.

"Thank you, Phoebe. That was very, very generous of you." Joey took out the wire.

"Now let's decide who has the nicest ass." Chandler clasped his hands together.

"And there you go." Joey opened up the door. Chandler quickly ran to the back and grabbed his lighter.

"I love you!" I jumped on Joey and wrapped my arms around his neck. He held me up by my thighs and kissed me. Of course, our happiness was short–lived since we ran out of gas. Joey and Chandler went to get help, but my brother's damaged lungs made him collapse halfway there. Phoebe called Ross secretly, who saved us. Literally. After a lot of more arguing, this time including our entire group, Ross filled up the cab with gas but decided to head back home. "Here. This is for you." I handed him a couple of pieces of paper.

"What's this?" He furrowed his brows.

"Some numbers of the models at Calvin Klein. I labeled which one's are looking for relationships and which one's only want a night of fun." I smiled at him.

"This means a lot to me." He hugged me gratefully.

"You're still our friend, Ross." I pat his shoulder before getting into the cab.