Requested by: Yuki82903

A/N: A very angsty one-shot inspired by the song, Heather by Conan Gray. Also, there is some slight Mary x Reader in this, so you can enjoy that as well.

SMALL WARNING: Some very negative thoughts in this chapter. This can be triggering to some readers so I will advise those who are sensitive to self-degrading content to please skip this chapter or proceed with caution.

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'I'm so happy for them...'

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You were in love with the one person you couldn't have.

Kirari Momobami, Hyakkaou Academy's esteemed student council president. She was cold, calculating, and above all... Very, very beautiful. 

To say that you loved her was an understatement. You admired her. So much so that you were willing to put everything on the line for her. Sacrificing everything you had to just make her happy. It wasn't a very healthy admiration, you admit, but you couldn't help it. To you, she was a goddess. 

But like in many stories, relationships with gods are very unfortunate. 

As a member of the student council, it was your job to serve the president and all her fellow comrades. Carrying out various responsibilities throughout the day, alongside your best friend; Sayaka. Who was also apart of the student council. 

Sayaka was the president's beloved secretary, which meant that she was extremely close to the president in terms of relationships. You admit, you were a little jealous that she got to spend more time with her, but was nevertheless very happy for her promotion. 

I mean...why wouldn't you be. She was your best friend after all, right?

So why...

You bit your lip as Sayaka blushed into her pillow. Rambling on and on about her uncontrollable feelings for Kirari. The poor secretary venting into the cushion like it was the only therapist in the world.

It was a bit funny, you admit. Seeing the normally serious-faced Sayaka acting like a middle school girl with a crush. Screaming into a pillow like in those cheesy teen romcom movies. 

You laughed, it was entertaining.

But the laughter wasn't enough to hide the over-bearing sorrow you felt.

It felt at if your chest was being wrung like a towel. Squeezed dry of any happiness you had left. You felt bleak as you tried to cover up your despair with a smile, trying to support Sayaka like the good friend that you were. 

"Are you gonna confess?" you teasingly asked. The words feeling like acid on your tongue.

"Maybe." was her answer.

You didn't expect that word to hurt so much. The thought of losing your crush to your best friend...it really hurt.

Biting back a strangled sob, you managed to smile even wider. The action alone causing your lips to sting and your eyes to water. "I wish you the best, Sayaka! I hope everything goes well!"

Sayaka blushed even harder. Pressing the cushion against her face as you got up from her bed. Unable to keep your act up any longer. "I'm gonna go home now, Sayaka. But I hope--"

Your throat nearly clogged up as you mumbled the next few words. 

"I hope she loves you back."

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You were cleaning up after a board meeting with the student council. Helping put away a few documents as Sayaka was out running errands. It was quiet in the meeting room, with only the shuffle of papers keeping you company as you worked alone.

"I hope she loves you back." your words kept echoing in your mind as you felt your mood dampen. The thought of Sayaka confessing to your beloved today really making your heart hurt. 

'Ignore it.' you told yourself. 'It doesn't matter anyway.'

You pushed back the wretched feeling of guilt and stood on your toes to reach a high shelf from the cabinet. Your height proving ineffective as you still struggled to reach for the binder. The plastic object taunting you like a superior being sitting on a pedestal.

You heard a dark chuckle from behind you, a hand reached up to grab the binder as another set itself on your shoulder. "Here, let me help you."

The voice belonged to none other than Kirari herself, the president sweeping in to hand you the binder and save you from overall embarrassment. "Ah...! President!" you turned around and nearly gasped. Kirari leaning in way too close to you and practically backing you up against the cabinet. 

"You should take more calcium, Y/N. It'll help you grow taller."

Kirari chuckled at her little joke and watched as you fumed in response. "President..." you murmured, grabbing the binder before breaking out into a small smile. Your heart spiraling out of control. "You know that's just a saying that parents tell their kids in order to drink more milk, right?" you perked an eyebrow up and grinned angelically. Trying to match Kirari's level of teasing. 

"Well, you are quite childish, Y/N. Maybe it'll work on you."

"P-President!"

She smiled in amusement at your reaction, backing up ever-so-slightly so that she wasn't pinning you against the surface. "I'm just teasing, Y/N," she stepped back and went over to go sit on the couch. Gesturing for you to come sit with her. 

"By the way, Y/N. I need to ask you something. Please, come sit." as she sat down, you timidly scurried over in order to not keep her waiting. Sitting opposite from her as you held the binder close to your chest. "Ah, okay... What did you need, president?"

Kirari's eyes turned slimmer as she slid a black envelope on the table. The envelope embroidered with intricate gold trim, and a bright red wax seal to tie it all together. Damn...for a single letter, this envelope sure was fancy. 

"I received this from Sayaka earlier this morning...yet it appears that she has been avoiding me. Care to tell me your opinion on the matter?"

You felt your heart stop. No wonder it was so fancy. Could it be? Was Sayaka really going to carry out with her plan? You felt your palms get all sweaty at the thought, as you struggled to keep up your act. 

"Uhm...did you see the contents inside, miss president?" you timidly asked. 

Kirari chuckled, "The wax seal has yet to be broken, Y/N. So no, I haven't."

You felt yourself blush in embarrassment. 'Of course! Stupid Y/N!'

Kirari smiled at your obvious embarrassment and reached over to pick up the envelope once again. "Would you like to open it with me? I called you over to get your opinion, so it's only fair we open it together."

"A-Are you sure?" you gulped, feeling your heart twist even more. "What if it's something private?"

"I'll read it silently first, and if it's not private, I'll tell you."

The president smiled and continued to nonchalantly tear open the wax seal, making you squirm with anticipation. Why does this always happen to me...? Why am I always forced to be dragged out like this.

You felt your heart lurch with panic when Kirari slid out an even fancier letter. Scanning over it with those cold blue eyes and slightly mouthing to herself in thought. Her blue lips pursed together in amusement. 

'She totally confessed to her...didn't she...'

"Is it...something personal?" you shyly asked. Wringing at your fingers in a worrying way. 

Kirari took note of this, but chose to ignore it as she spoke softly. "Sayaka just asked me to meet with her after school. I am not quite sure why, but it's probably just something we need to talk about."

'It's definitely more than that...' you bit your lip and squeezed your palms together. Nodding after a long pause of silence. "I see..."

Her eyes watched carefully as you stared down at your lap in an attempt to hide your face. She was interested as to why you were acting so strangely to this letter. Just moments ago you were fine...but you've gone all stiff all of a sudden. 

'My eyes are so hot...I can't-- I need to leave!'

"Ah-- uhm...excuse me, I think I need to go use the restroom." you shakily got up and squeezed the binder close to your chest. Feeling like you had just swallowed glass. 

"Alright, you are excused," Kirari nodded in approval and watched as you dashed off to go hide yourself. Running out of the meeting room and trying to find the nearest restroom. This action alone just intrigued Kirari even more, watching as you attempted to shield your face from her gaze.

'Oh...Y/N...' Kirari's cold eyes flickered with interest, 'What are you hiding from me...?'

You burst into the bathroom with wet eyes. Not caring if it was empty or not. 

Crouching behind the sink, you cried into your arms and nearly tore out your lips in frustration. Biting them so hard, they began bruising. 

'Why can't I get what I want for a change?' you balled up your fists and nearly screamed then and there. Only resisting the temptation simply because you didn't want to disrupt other students. 

'Is it so wrong for me to get something I want? Why does everyone else get a free pass? Why do I work so hard...only for it to go away. Why, why, why--!' you choked back a cry and hugged the binder tighter. 'Why can't Sayaka be gone so Kirari could love me?'

The moment those thoughts came out, your eyes widened. 'You bitch!' you screamed at yourself. 'What the hell is wrong with you? You just wished your best friend was gone!'

And just like that...your thoughts only grew darker. 

'Selfish bitch.'

'Why can't you be happy for them?'

'Jealous much?'

'Your happiness doesn't matter anyway.'

'What kind of friend are you?!'

'No wonder Kirari doesn't like you...'

'Why don't you just sacrifice yourself for their happiness?'

You shut your eyes tight. So that's why... Your lips trembled at the last part, small whimpers of pain leaving your lips. 'So that's why I never get what I want...'

A people pleaser, that's what you were. Willing to sacrifice anything and everything you had for those you love. Damn, how hypocritical of you to complain for your wants when you'd probably give them away. How stupid...how delusional...

"Yeah...it doesn't matter anyway..." you mumbled. Standing up briskly before wiping away your tear-stained face. 

"As long as they're happy..."

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The next day, you saw Sayaka standing idly by Kirari like always. But there was something different about them from before. For one, she seemed to be standing even closer to the president than usual, and she was even smiling more. Which was something that made you happy, yet heartbroken at the same time. 

'The confession went well,' you confirmed. Watching as Sayaka and Kirari made simple talk at her desk. Smiling even more than usual like a newly-wed couple on their honeymoon. 

'I'm so happy for them...' you smiled.

'̶̨̡͎̞̲̑̏̓̄͋͂͝͝I̵̘̝̪̅̃͊̾̔͂̒̐͘̕'̴͉̠̹̦̫̊̍̉̉̒ͅm̵̢̨͕̳̻̥̜͒̀̇ ̵͎̦̭̾̄̀͒͌̔̄̌̐͘s̴͖͕̩̬͂̚͜͠ơ̵͔͛̊̇̅̍̔̒͗͠ ̷̧͖̼̰̟̼̆̓͂̀̐̆̋͜h̷̨̭͚̹̤̠̩͘͠ͅạ̷͚͕̍͝p̶̹̲͍̙̤̙̜͈̉͆̚ͅp̵͉̻̱͖̭͆̾̈́͊͋y̶̻̳͋͒̓̕ ̸̡̤͉̦̱͓̇̕f̶͔̆o̴̧̗̻̟̾r̴̦͍͖̻̙̰̻̰͎̭̓̃̏ ̴̝͔̞͈̩͓̲̐͗̑̍̇͊̆̽͝ͅţ̸̫̜͌͆̈́̉̊͠h̶̛̛͚̩̍̒̀͊̈́̕e̷͙̍̋̈̒̽̋̌̕m̶̠͉̠̙̳͇̘͖̥̜̀̂̒̔͑.̶̧̤͓͇͊́̽̔̌̀͘.̶͚̝̣͚͙̖̲͙̾.̶̢̪̬͔̘̯̼̙͕̏͆̍̓́͐̓̈́͝'̴͓̥̼̙̮̺͈͔̾̊̓

"I'm done with my paperwork, so I will be taking my leave," you announced, getting up and flashing a quick grin at the two. "I hope the new couple is happy to have some alone time."

You winked at them and watched as Sayaka grew flustered, panicking as Kirari only laughed at your comment. "Y-Y/N-- how did you--"

You stuck your tongue out at her before stepping out into the hallway. Your act crumbling to ashes as you slouched in disappointment. 'They got together...' your lip trembled, 'They really got together...'

For some reason, you were still upset. Even when you knew it was coming, even when you knew it was undeniable, you were still upset. Mad over the fact they got together, and mad at yourself for being like this. 

'I'm sorry I can't stop loving you...'

You sniffed and rubbed your eyes in stress. Determined to stop yourself from ruining their happiness. 

'I just need a distraction.'

"Geez, you look terrible, Y/N-San."

You looked up and saw none other than the blonde-haired tsundere herself; Mary Saotome. Who was standing there worriedly at your defused posture. Tears running down your face as you tried covering it up with your sleeves. 

"Ah...Ahaha...Hi Saotome-San," you waved meekly, standing up straight. "What can I do for you?"

"Don't change the subject, Y/N." Mary fired, "What's actually wrong?"

The blonde-haired girl had crossed her arms and stared at you with concern. Looking at you up and down as she calculated what you were going to say. 

'I just need a distraction...'

"Ah...I just need a distraction..." you murmured out, "Can you...go out with me?"

"Excuse me?" 

The blonde-haired girl blushed profusely and stared at you like you were crazy. Though she didn't want to admit it, she would be more than willing to spend time with you if it meant getting closer to you. You were a pretty girl after all.

"I-I just need to blow off some steam," you responded, "Maybe after school we can go to a cafe or something?"

"I...(sigh) sure, I guess...?" Mary huffed and stuck her hands on her hips. "I'll see you after school then."

"Y-Yeah, see you..."

If you hated yourself back then, you definitely hated yourself now.

Why...just why were you doing this? You watched as Mary dismissively waved goodbye at you from over the corridor. A small grin on her lips as she imagined her 'date' with you. It made you extremely guilty. 

'Why am I doing this to myself? To Mary? To my feelings?' you felt your heart tug at you harshly for the answer. 'Why must I do this for other people's happiness...'

You sighed and hugged your arms together. Feeling cold as you pushed down any hard feelings inside of you. 

"Ignore it, it doesn't matter." you whispered. 

"They just need to be happy."

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For the past few days, you've been purposely avoiding Sayaka and Kirari. Spending more and more time with the blonde-haired tsundere and eventually getting closer to her than ever before. 

It wasn't long before you two had started dating. Burying your somber feelings for Kirari deep underground, and forcing them to grow for Mary. 

You admit, it was a horrible manipulation tactic. But for someone hurting so bad, you thought you had no other choice. Choosing to distract yourself with another person before your thoughts grew too deep. 

"Y/N!" you heard a voice call out to you. Causing you and Mary to turn around. 

You froze at the sight. Kirari and Sayaka walking towards you hand in hand, as Sayaka beamed angelically. "I haven't seen you in so long, where were you?"

"Ah...I was--" You were cut off by Sayaka's gasp when she noticed you and Mary's hands interlocked together. Your girlfriend holding you tightly as she nodded. "Hello Igarashi-San," she spoke. 

"You two are dating now?" Sayaka queried, making Kirari's brow arch in interest. 

"Well..." you felt your cheeks heat up and glanced at Kirari for a split second, unsure of what to say before Mary took over. "We just started a couple days ago..." she mumbled, rubbing the back of her neck in a bashful manner. 

"Is that so?" Kirari mumbled, unsure of how to feel. 

It was strange. The president never felt anything like this before. She always found you cute and endearing, but to see you snagged away so easily really made her heart pump. Just why was she feeling this way?

"Well, I wish you two the best," Sayaka smiled, making your heart stop. 

'I wish you two the best...'

You smiled sadly and bowed in respect, with Mary doing the same. "I hope you two are happy together as well..."

The way you spoke made Kirari tense up. A feeling of uneasiness overcoming her as she watched you and Mary walk away. There was just something about you that seemed so sad, so desperate. And she finally realized what it was. 

With a small attempt to pull you back, Kirari raised her left hand before putting it back down. Feeling bitter in defeat as she realized. You were in love with her.

'Y/N...' she thought somberly, watching as you walked away from her.

'They say that that the greater the sacrifice, the greater the love. And while I've sacrificed many things for your happiness, I guess it just wasn't enough.'

'So, Kirari. I've decided to sacrifice the hardest thing I have in order to make you happy.'

'For you, I sacrifice my love.'

'I hope you are happy.'

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