Sebastian was back in his bed. He kept going back to the conversation he had with Anthony. He could tell that Anthony was worried about him. But he couldn't be sure whether he was angry or disappointed. He settled on the latter, because he couldn't bear the thought of his best friend being angry at him. He just lost his girlfriend, he was not about to lose his best friend too.

But it was only yesterday, when Seb decided that he didn't want to see anyone else. But somehow Anthony managed to change it in a couple of hours. He was grateful for him. He really didn't know what he'd do without Anthony.

Sebastian lay thinking. Was he happy with Cassie ? Sure, she made him happy, but was he ever truly happy ? If he was happy with Cassie, his thoughts wouldn't be going back to Rayne.

Sebastian wondered if there ever was a time when he didn't think about Her. He couldn't remember.

So, he decided to stop thinking. He fixated his gaze on the light coming through the slit of the curtains. He listened to his clock ticking. As it faded into the night, he loosened and drifted off to sleep.

✵

4.06 AM

There it was. The same dream. Again. Sebastian sighed and got up. He took a hot shower. He found it soothing. Maybe everything will be alright, he thought. But it was the 1st of July. And he knew what it meant. He has been looking forward to this day since the last time he saw Her. He was going to see Her.

He spent a good ten minutes debating on what to wear. He needed a simple outfit so that he wouldn't stand out. The number of black shirts in his closet stared back at him. He went back to thinking.

How can She be the reason for his pain, while also making him happy ? He'll never know. The only thing he does know is, that he should see Her.

Maybe Anthony was right. He should stop thinking about Her. She probably doesn't even remember him. Maybe it's time to move on, and to start thinking about his life. He was not getting any younger and he shouldn't waste any more time waiting for something to happen, when in reality, it might not happen at all. Maybe he shouldn't rely on Her anymore. He couldn't make up his mind. But he knew that he had to make a decision.

Moving on means, he can give a real shot at the relationship with Cassie. He loved Cassie. Maybe he shouldn't have broken up with her. He should've just waited for some time, bid goodbye to his past and wholeheartedly commit to Cassie. Maybe that would've made him happy. And, that was a lot of 'maybe's, he thought.

He couldn't help but feel guilty. He had been in a relationship with Cassie for a whole year, but still he couldn't let Her go. He should've let Her go a long time ago. But how can he let go of someone who makes him happy?

He paced around his flat, trying to decide. He realized that he couldn't commit to the relationship with Cassie because he was thinking about Her. But if he let Her go, and She was not in the picture, then there might be a chance for him to be happy. He should've done this a long time ago, but he has lived in denial.

But She also makes him happy, She has been his escape, for as long as he could remember. Letting Her go, was like letting go of a part of him.

"For god's sake, make up your mind, Sebastian," he muttered under his breath.

So, he did.

It was time. To let Her go.

And he had to do it. Today.

✵