WHEN DID YOU LEAVE ME?

THERE ARE PEOPLE BORN WITH A GOLDEN PLATTER SERVED BEFORE THEM, born with everything in their palms, and yet, there are also people who are born.

Tatara knows ━━ her grandfather speaks to her most days and tells her of how fortunate she is. (She knows she is. She knows how lucky she is. People beg beg beg to be part of the Uchiha Clan. Women killed one another to be one of the many and forgotten concubines of the clan head during the Warring States Era. Takobu sighs and Tatara sees, and sees it all, whenever he speaks of a forgotten man refusing the comfort of concubines—"If I did not know better, I would think he loved war more than women," he whispers and Tatara ignores the tinge of longing and sadness and why why why in his voice. Once upon a time, Takobu worshipped the moon and back. Until he didn't.) She is one of the one hundred and seventy-eight fortunate souls born as an Uchiha, one of the one hundred and seventy-eight fortunate souls to have the blood of Kagutsuchi in her veins. Praise the gods above!

(They tell her she is born fortunate. That she is born craddling the sun between her chests and her palms, born with the horizon rising for her once she flutters her dark dark abyssal and so dark eyes open, born with a glance from god and young silhouettes of purity and ichor kissing her cheeks ━━ they tell her she is an Uchiha. They tell her she can have the world if she wants to. They tell her that Uchiha is another euphemism for pride and hunger but it is not food. An Uchiha is always hungry. She is starving. And in success, she is ravenous.)

She is blessed by the great Kagutsuchi-sama. Her father is a master of forging heat burning deeper than the volcanoes the Uzumaki Clan seal. There are stories of red-haired men and women subduing natural disasters with ink and brushes but more tell tales of raven-haired beauties born from the whispers of the gods in Takamagahara(1) brewing storms from the boiling wind. Her mother shares their blood (a little too close, too near, too similar blood, first cousins, I love you) and she masters lies like one will do to mere tricks. Genjutsu Mistress. Who are you? The Henge is a the foundation of techniques. It is my mastery. Her grandfather is the descendant of Kagutsuchi, the Uchiha Clan's most powerful wielder of the Katon. She is born great. She will be great. She knows she will.

Which is why she will make sure to thank the gods in this life. The cycle of reincarnation is a queer thing ━━ there are no proofs and yet they believe it, believe the words of the gods and you shall be blessed ━━ she knows that there must have been a life she has lived when her poor body succumbed to its weakness, lived a life when she had been bruised and bloodied but today, it does not happen. Today, the gods give her fortune. Today, the gods pity her and give her not the give of death and every synonim of 'better luck next time' and instead, she is born in all her glory; black hair and black eyes, porcelain skin and power thrumming in her veins. She is born an Uchiha. And goosebumps ride her skin because yes, she is an Uchiha.

Today, her throat will be clogged by the words she wants to say but can never do. (What is this feeling? Is she ungrateful for what the gods have given her? If they're going to give me everything then why not ━━ an Uchiha makes do of what they have. We are resourceful and do not deny the word of the gods. I don't have a mother and a father but you have a grandfather. She cries. How sinful she feels for feeling so ungrateful. It's okay. It's part of being human. But she is not just a human. She is an Uchiha.) Grandfather, she wants to call but it never comes, grandfather ━━ everything is rushing behind her throat and oh, gods above, Tatara prays for someone to search for her voice.

Today, she does not find it.

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TATARA IS KNOWN TO BE THE GRANDDAUGHTER OF ONE OF THE ELDERS, more known as the successor of said position rather than being the granddaughter, herself. Her honored grandfather handles the strategic and financial plannings in The Clan, therefore is one of the closest Elders to The Clan Head, but not the most favoured. The most favoured Elder has always been Uchiha Kuboshike whose eyes are hidden by the veil of dark velvet. Konoha says he lost his eyes while the honored grandfather says nothing to affirm it. Tatara chooses not to hold any opinions. Why will she question The Clan?

Kuboshike had been the closest friend of the former Clan Head, choosing to stay by his side until the man's death bed. That he once handled the Konoha Military Police Force is not exactly a surprise. Takobu commented how vile the reaction of the aged man had been when Fugaku told him that he will be handling the Police Force. "How bold," Takobu says with a wistful smirk, "the boy knows he cannot stay the strongest political power in The Clan and yet he reacts aggressively."

"Why is that so, honored grandfather?" Tatara asks curiously, eyes focused on the koi pond they have been tending for far too long. Kyoukasuigetsu, she remembers the aesthetic of combined characters. This superficial beauty of the Uchiha Clan will not always be there, she realizes too late, too many years passing, and too much blood on her hands by then. "Fugaku-sama is not accepted by many because of his ━━ ... his lack of close relations with the main line." She hesitates and hopes Takobu does not scold her for it.

The man keeps silent. "It will take too long for The Clan to completely respect him," he begins, "that boy knows this which is why he is using Kuboshike as a stepping stone. Many acknowledge that Kuboshike will be the next Clan Head due to his camarederie with Washiza-dono, but the heiress is of marrying age hence the arrival of Fugaku. Though disliked, Fugaku is well-known within the Police Force and as a shinobi. Most of who dislikes Fugaku sides with Kuboshike; many suggest that Kuboshike is to adopt Mikoto in his family or at least marry one of his sons to Mikoto. And truly, Fugaku is hardworking. He knows what The Clan feels about him, hence his attempts in... changing The Clan."

Tatara crunches her nose in the confused mess of emotions bubbling up in her throat. He wants to what? She has met the Elder Kuboshike's children and none of them are pleasent to be in company with; three sons and two daughters with the oldest being thirty-seven and with a wife. The only male in his family that can marry Mikoto is ━━ "But Kubota-kun is eleven," she voices, "Mikoto-sama cannot possibly marry such child."

Uchiha Kubota, third son of Kuboshike whose eyes are teary and his forehead bares the leash of the village.

"Would not," Takobu corrects, "but she can. I suppose this is why they rushed the wedding right after Mikado's confirmed death. Mikoto chose well; leave The Clan to Uchiha Kuboshike where she will be but the leftover heiress of the previous Head, taken in out of pity, or become the Clan Head's Wife, where she will remain with power and influence. Mikoto thinks she is sly. She is but a child."

"But I heard from the cousins and the Elders that they have been courting for years, honored grandfather."

"You do not plan an inheritance for a day, granddaughter," Takobu reminds and the click of his tabacco against the wooden plains of the low table echoes, "revolutions like these are planned for years."

Tatara lowers her head in embarrassment. "I understand, honored grandfather," she says simply. "However, I━━"

The door slams open and Takobu narrows his eyes at the abrupt visitor. As most Uchiha comes, the man (truly, he is but a boy in comparison to the experience Takobu has gone through in such age) is clad in the black of the Uchiha Clan and his eyes are a blaze of murky brown. Half-Uchiha, then, Takobu concludes.

"I apologise for the distrubance, honored Elder!" He bows his head, too shallow for Takobu's liking but he reminds himself silently that he is no longer in the battlefield where manners will decide your mortality. "Fugaku-sama and the Elders of The Clan request your presence."

Tatara does not sleep that night.

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THEY MOURN FOR ANOTHER MEMBER OF THE CLAN. Uchiha Minami is one of their kunoichi who has been in service for more than half of her life. They mourn for her, including Tatara who knows little to nothing about the woman but it is alright. They are family and whether they know each other or not, their existences are carved deep in their bones and the tattoos of unwritten legacies burn in their skin. What's mine is yours, the voice of an age-old god whispers right behind their ears and their razor nails graze against the cheeks of their children, what's yours is mine. Tatara wears clothes darker than she normally does. Her traditional clothes are heavy and she reminds herself that she is four and yet has went through more funerals.

She looks at her side and sees a relative; Minoru is the younger half-brother of Minami, son of one of the Elders of The Clan. Minami is a rather neutral individual in The Clan while Minoru is much loved. While Minami is as average of a kunoichi as any Uchiha comes, Minoru becomes a prodigy, born earlier than Hatake Kakashi and much closer to the generation of Uchiha Fugaku. He graduates when he is five and a half, spending a year and a handful of months in the Academy before he speeds through the years.

Tatara envies Minoru but she does not say it out loud.

She wonders if Minoru mourns for his sister, especially with the rumors spreading throughout The Clan; Minami killed her lover and gained the spiralling gaze of The Thousand Patterns—Tatara hears the name from the legends and stories of Uchiha Madara strictly confined in the library of her grandfather. They call it Mangekyou Sharingan, the second stage wherein your hands must be stained with the blood of your dearest to gain them.

Minami was supposed to be married to Uchiha Juichi who Tatara hears is crippled a hundred times over.

"I did not kill him," Minami says in the rumors told by one Uchiha to another as their eyes narrow in suspicion, "he killed himself in grief for his missing eyes and I witnessed his failing, and gained these cursed eyes."

The Elders cannot have it. All of them agreed to have Minami killed (they tell Konoha of the unfortunate lovers' suicide but the Hokage holds the official papers; The Clan above all ━━ Uchiha Minami betrayed not only a clansmen but also her lover and The Uchiha Clan puts love above all else; Uchiha Minami is a traitor among traitors) because 'she gained the Mangekyou and that must only mean she killed her lover' ━━ her lover who is an Uchiha and The Clan hates nothing more than traitors, hates nothing more than their own blood and flesh turning their backs from them. And with a heavy hand, Tatara hears the rumors take the wheel, the Elders punish Uchiha Minami who is found sprawled on the tatami mats of her home.

This is the first time Tatara has heard of those eyes. Most days she sees it from legends after legends, the children's book made by Uchiha from the Warring States, and those stories are never beautiful. Mangekyou, she thinks and remembers the wary eyes Takobu sends her when he realizes she is there when one of the Elders mention of the damned evolution. Mangekyou Sharingan—she wonders how powerful and horrifying it must be for the Elders to keep it in tight hold. She wonders of its true nature for The Clan to resort to whatever happened to Uchiha Minami because she does not want to remember the furrowed brows of Uchiha Minoru.

("Fool," Takobu hisses when the man-ge-kyou is rolled out from the tongues of the wise with his granddaughter in the same room.

One of their lips' curl. "Why must I be addressed as a fool, Takobu-dono?" She drawls. "Your granddaughter is to be Elder when the time comes, and she will be replacing you in your death. It is better she knows this now rather than have her scrambling to pick up after you."

No. Takobu does not want that future for Tatara but he keeps his mouth shut.)

"Tatara-kun," the unfamiliar honorific echoes but as Tatara turns, she immediately lowers her head. Before her is one of The Clan Elders, eyes narrowed and lips in a permanent from with wrinkles marring her face. "You mourn for Minami-kun as well?"

She hesitates. "Yes, Honored Elder," she says with a nod.

Uchiha Hotaru is born with a plain name and a unique set of eyes. She is born half-blind with a half-Sharingan, and a half set of skills and yet she climbs her way through the ladder of the throne. She is half-weak and half-strong, and though only holds half a torch to Tatara's honored grandfather, now, she calls herself a war veteran, former Anbu Captain (but not strong enough for Anbu Commander, goes unsaid, only half as strong with half an eye and half a Sharingan), and has too many years of war under her belt.

"Did you know Minami-kun?"

"Not personally, Hono—"

"Call me by my name, girl, not my title."

Tatara jolts. "Of course, Hotaru-sama," she almost frowns in distaste at the civilian name. It does not hold the power over power that the Uchiha has. (Like Washiza, their former Clan Head. Like Mikado who is every bit of his name. Instead, the woman who is half as what she can ever be, is given Hotaru.) Some say that Hotaru has become the way she is because her mother secretly had a civilian lover, completely destroying her hopes of having a completely Uchiha child. Tatara makes sure not to stare at the eye-catching shade of brown that Hotaru has instead of the normally deep deep deep black ones.

Despite the heavy robes that Hotaru wears, Tatara does not head any noise from her footsteps. "Why do you mourn for her when you do not know her personally?" The woman questions with a wave of her hand, both of them watching the fierce and stern faces of The Clan, refusing to cry for those that have been deceased.

Crying on the graves of the deceased only means you cannot accept their farewell, her honorable grandfather says, that is not the way of The Clan. They have all died honorably. Crying will only dishonor their deaths.

Tatara does not answer the Elder for a few minutes, too busy wondering if the death of Minami ━━ her ashes are a dark gray and the burning of her corpse smells too beautiful to be held close ━━ is even considered honorable, especially if what the rumors say are true. But The Clan, though have been dishonored and pained so deeply, is still The Clan. Uchiha Minami has the blood of the old gods and the blood of the new in her veins, has the eyes of an Uchiha, and the dance of Kagutsuchi in more ways than one. She is Uchiha Minami and though she has killed a man born of the same heritage, and though Uchiha Minami has crippled The Clan (for The Clan is an entire body and yes, each and every one of them is important), she is still an Uchiha.

That is why her corpse is burned.

That is why they her ashes dance in the district.

That is why they mourn for Uchiha Minami.

Tatara does not want to meet Hotaru's eyes, utterly afraid of what lies beyond the sea of dark brown and she never does meet them. "Because she is part of The Clan, Hotaru-sama," is her small answer but every word is engraved in molten rocks and she is suddenly drenched in the ichor and gold of what remains of Minami. Offer me the truth of your existence. Offer me your remains and when the times comes, I will offer mine, the poem of a hundred years ago comes.

When she dies too, The Clan will burn her body and let a part of it forever roam the districts. She finds that she likes that.

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(1) Takamagahara is the place where the gods and goddesses reside according to Shinto beliefs.

(+) why do i associate kagutsuchi to the uchiha so much? well, not only is kagutsuchi the god of fire but it's also because of the tragedy that he has, you know? kagutsuchi is known to have burned izanami (his mother) when she was giving birth to him, essentially killing her and damning her for the rest of her time. i think i want to associate the uchiha and their tragedies to kagutsuchi and when he burned his own mother. the uchiha are born great and they know it. they feel too much and love too much, not on purpose of course. but because of that love they end up burning the world alive, if you get me?

(note) the next chapter will finally be the beginnig of the plot. i hate introductory chapters but the next chapter will have tatara acting up.